davieG Posted 4 February 2005 Posted 4 February 2005 How much they respect and admire Leicester the City, it's residents, the Football Club and its fans Leicester Preview By EdgehillAlex Date: 4/2/2005 EdgehillAlex brings us his preview of the big clash against Leicester. He assures crewealex.co.uk he spent, literally, minutes slaving over this during a busy day of student life. Lame jokes aside, Crewe face Leicester tomorrow in perhaps the biggest game since Channel 5, and self confessed hard man Dale Winton, had the audacity to unleash 'Touch the Truck' on the British public. Saturday's encounter ensures a similar game, though more exotically named, in the shape of; 'Don't touch the locals or you'll get a disease'. Crewe's travelling hordes will make the horrendous* journey through Stoke, the Midlands and, thankfully avoiding Nottingham, down the M1 to Leicester. Even if this preview has achieved one thing, at least you know how to get there. After last year's visit, and thankful escape from the local population of glue-fuelled hobos, we unfortunately have to make our way back to the ground that forgot about an atmosphere. The Walkers Stadium serves as the ultimate example of why building a new ground just for the sakes of it is a pointless exercise. It's the archetypal new-type stadium; all flashy metal, plastic seats, plastic beer 'glasses' and no atmosphere. The very name hints at some underlying corporate environment. The 'Walkers Stadium' is a pretty poor name for a football ground. You can imagine the conversation back at Walkers HQ when the advertising executives came back from months of creative thinking: Ad Guy: We've decided that the brand needs a visual symbol of its diversity; the way in which the very essence of society is highlighted by its increasing need for nutritional value. The brand needs to be intricately linked with the psyche of the country and our social anthropological studies have shown the need for us to develop and highlight our background and the community work of the brand that makes us stand out as an established British company determined to make a real altruistic difference in this increasingly material world in which we live. Walkers Boss: What's the plan of attack then? Shitface: Get Leicester to name their ground after us and get that jug eared twat of Match of The Day to do some adverts, where he seems to have pseudo-paedophilic tendencies. Sometimes you have to marvel at the sheer genius** of the idea. As a result, Leicester is now intricately linked, not with the football team that has graced the upper echelons of Martin O'Neill's nether regions, not with the startling high rate of prostitution, truancy and cyclical drug taking, but with a company that makes crisps and then PUTS THEM IN THE WRONG COLOUR BAGS. In fairness, the football team has done nothing of real note since the days when Maggie Thatcher was a drug-crazed teenage hooker (coincidentally, in the Falkland Islands - Leicester's twin [symbolically at least]).These days they take great pride in paying rubbish players loads of money and cite their recent highpoint as cheating their way out of administration via the fundamentally flawed CVA (cheating via arse-licking). Since nicking a manager from over the border, who would look more at home on an Internet singles*** site, they have achieved the amazing feat of getting even worse. A recent run of OK form, coincidentally fitting in with the controversial 2004 'Pressman Cull', means they're now safe from going down (though they won't go up due to an utter ineptitude against anyone half decent). Buoyed on by the intimidating home fans (hang on a minute…) it won't be hard for this Crewe team, even though it is admittedly crap, to grab all 3 points. I predict an Andy White arse-trick, a Neil Sorvel hair cut and an unfortunate face-to-fist collision involving Colin Murdock and a 9 year old girl behind the goal. *shite **idiocy ***too ugly to get a woman Does he believe all that bollocks, is it a piss take or is he just a twat? Apologies for the language but it complements the Preview.
Steven Posted 4 February 2005 Posted 4 February 2005 The sad thing was I wasted almost a minute reading it all and only then realised that it was a waste of time. <_<
Wellman Posted 4 February 2005 Posted 4 February 2005 Excuse me... 1)Gary Linekar is a legend 2)They are in the position in which they're in because of 1 class player! He has now gone as we all know, so let's see tommorrow shall we
Scow Posted 4 February 2005 Posted 4 February 2005 I found it quite funny actually. I didn't think anyone could talk such drivel.
Wellman Posted 4 February 2005 Posted 4 February 2005 I laughed at the first bit. "Crewe's travelling hordes will make the horrendous* journey through Stoke, the Midlands and, thankfully avoiding Nottingham, down the M1 to Leicester. Even if this preview has achieved one thing, at least you know how to get there." Found that quite funny
shen Posted 4 February 2005 Posted 4 February 2005 they sure are sarcastic in Crewe if this preview is anything to go by .. funny read..
Alexikokopops Posted 4 February 2005 Posted 4 February 2005 It made me laugh. Pinch o' salt. Except calling mighty Gary a jug-eared twat
Scarby Posted 4 February 2005 Posted 4 February 2005 if he thinks the leicester population is bad he must have never been to Crewe. All they have got is a sodding railway station and even thats too big for its fecking boots. I really hope we stuff them tomorrow and so those inbred lossers what a local population of glue-fuelled hobos can actually do!
Simon Posted 5 February 2005 Posted 5 February 2005 Made me chuckle- at him. He sounds like such a pompous dick.
Ajax Treesdown Posted 5 February 2005 Posted 5 February 2005 One word springs to mind about 'Edgehillalex' and that is t**t. How can someone be so cynical while trying in the Crewe way of humour to be funny??
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.