This is made up

[Rincewind]

For my Wed afternoon writers group I need to write a piece about finding a handbag and what the contents say about the owner.

Lost and Found

To say that the handbag was eyecatching would be an understatement Its colour pink was

shockingly blinding pink. was hard to miss where it lay on a seat in a quiet corner of the bar

of the pub I had stopped off before catching my train back home.

I carefully undid the clasp and started to browse the contents. A mirror and a compact

powder tin. A busy lady I thought always on the go, a little vain maybe. Next I found a

bright red lipstick. She likes to look good I thought a business woman maybe. It hen

found an address book maybe this will give a clue to her identity. Mmmm Jeremy,

Cecil, Alfie, Tarquin. Aaa business associates in the world of fashion maybe could be

a model. Next a pink mobile in a fur-lined case. Keeping up appearances I see and her

favourite colour is pink.

I started to return the contents unaware that someone was approaching. A voice brought

me out of my concentrated dreamworld.

'Excuse me ducky, have you seen a handbag around here love?'

I looked up to see a man in tight pink trousers and a sequenned royal blue blouse-like shirt.

His shoulder length blonde hair glistened as he faced me wearing a Cheshire cat smile.

As he faced me I was sure that he winked. I slowly rose out of my seat giving him the

bag as I passed him. Without looking back I made my way towards the exit.

Needless to say I will not be visiting that pub again.

Got ads on my blog now but not supposed to tell anyone to click them so I get money.

my blog

[Zingari]

what's a lopstick ? it sounds like a euphemism .

would it need batteries ?

edit;

ah, edited to lipstick , not a lopstick

[Trav Le Bleu]

Not a bad little story, but too fragmented. By this I mean that many of the short sentences you use should flow into each other by using connectives such as, yet, but, however or even a simple and.

For instance:

His shoulder length blonde hair glistened as he faced me wearing a Cheshire cat smile.

As he faced me I was sure that he winked.

Reads better as:

His shoulder length blonde hair glistened as he faced me wearing a Cheshire Cat smile and as he faced me I was sure that he winked. (not sure about the blond/blonde thing - since he's male it should be blond, but he's appearing female so... Myself I'd say either is right.)

or

Next I found a bright red lipstick. She likes to look good I thought a business woman maybe.

might flow better as:

Next I found a bright red lipstick, which made me think, 'she likes to look good, a business woman maybe?'

Not trying to tell you how to write, just a bit of friendy, constructive criticism to help you on your way. Try and type the sentences how you would naturally say it if you were having a conversation. (Here's hoping you don't have a stammer.) Most people don't talk in short, sharp statements, but link ideas together, without even thinking about it.

Also as a rule - read a piece through at least 2-3 times after you've written it. You'll be surprised how many obvious typo's you might make and miss at a quick glance and you'll also get new ideas on how to develop the piece and flesh it out.

Hope this helps.

(Not only am I an ex-journo - I'm an ex-editor. Sorry, couldn't help myself! )

[Rincewind]

No problem. I see where you are coming from. Sometimes I write short sentences so to move things along quicker. I will try editing it and see how it turns out. It was a quick piece, the idea was in my head and just wrote it down in longhand first. The pen I was using wouldnt write on my notepad so I just typed it out onto word pad and copied it right away. The old dears at Age Concern seemed to like it. There is a arts and craft fair at Age Concern on the 27th and the woman that runs the group took a copy to display as well as a copy of my book. I just hope the ones attending are not experts.

Iwasnt too happy with the start to be honest. Didn't seem quite right and unclear.

The journalists course is starting next week now. Still cant see it listed on the Adult Education course listings The bloke who's doing it says it should be there/

[Rincewind]

Redone so hopefully slightly improved. I mostly rely on my imagination and hope the bad grammar etc is bypassed.

Lost and Found

To say that the handbag was eyecatching would be an understatement Its colour pink was

shockingly blinding pink. and was hard to miss where it lay on a seat in a quiet corner of the bar

of the pub I had stopped off before catching my train back home.

I carefully undid the clasp and started to browse the contents. A mirror and a compact

powder tin. A busy lady I thought always on the go, a little vain maybe. Nextt I found a

bright red lipstick which made me think, 's'he likes to look good, a business woman maybe?'

I then found an address book maybe this will give a clue to her identity,. mmmm Jeremy,

Cecil, Alfie, Tarquin. Aaa aah, likely business associates in the world of fashion maybe? could be

a model. Next a pink mobile in a fur-lined case. Keeping up appearances I see and her

favourite colour is pink.

I started to return the contents unaware that someone was approaching. A voice brought

me out of my concentrated dreamworld.

'Excuse me ducky, have you seen a handbag around here love?'

I looked up to see a man in tight pink trousers and a sequinned royal blue blouse-like shirt.

His shoulder length blonde hair glistened as he faced me wearing a Cheshire cat smile.

and as he looked at me I was sure that he winked. I slowly rose out of my seat giving him the

bag as I passed him in silence.and without looking back I made my way towards the exit.

Needless to say I will not be visiting that pub again.

Wierd got these following me now. Just because I wrote a story about a handbag doesnt mean that I use one.

[Rincewind]

The new residents at the Manor

Were in a pickle,with a dilemma

Their neighbours were rather posh

With explanations like 'Oh my' and 'Golly gosh'

Keeping up appearances in other homes

Is rather hard when your name is Jones.

Just a silly piece for an exercise in a couple weeks time. Supposed to be in a Societte style. I hope it is close. Not thought of a title yet. Maybe something like Snobbery.

[Saxondale]

There once was a barmaid from Sale

On her breasts were the price of the ale

And on her behind

For the sake of the blind

Was the same information in braille

Courtesy of Tommy Saxondale.

[Saxondale]

This would be my interpretation of it:

Lost and Found

To say that the handbag was eyecatching would be an understatement. Its shocking pink hue contrasted starkly with the murky, stained seat on which it sat in the a quiet corner of the bar.

After glancing round the pub for a potential owner, I carefully undid the clasp and started to browse the contents.

A mirror and a compact powder tin nestled on top of the seemingly endless contents. I couldn't help but start to try and build a picture of who might be the careless owner of the bag.

Here's a lady who's always on the go, but cares about her appearance. A bright red lipstick cast into my mind an image of a confident woman. Maybe she's in business, I thought. As my mental picture was starting to take shape, I came across what could be the true window into the owner's life - an address book. Thumbing through the book's pages, I scanned the names scribbled throughout: Cecil, Alfie, Tarquin. By now, my imagination was in overdrive. Surely these names were her high-flying contacts in the world of fashion. Perhaps she was a model? A well-used mobile phone was clad in furry, pink case. I started to wonder how many photoshoots and catwalk appearances had been arranged on this phone?

Unaware that somebody was approaching, I began replacing the clues to their bright pink home. A voice sharply brought me out of my dream world. 'Excuse me ducky, have you seen a handbag around here love?' I looked up to see a man in tight pink trousers and a sequinned royal blue blouse. His shoulder-length blonde hair glistened and he wore a Cheshire cat smile.

As he looked at me I was sure that he winked. I slowly rose from my seat, gave him the bag and passed him in silence, making my way swiftly to the exit without even glancing back.

Needless to say I will not be visiting that pub again.

[Zingari]

i don't care if nighty or bornblue wouldn't go back to that pub , i certainly would

[Saxondale]

i don't care if nighty or bornblue wouldn't go back to that pub , i certainly would

You'll have to ask Nightguard which pub it is!

[Zingari]

You'll have to ask Nightguard which pub it is!

i think i could hazard a guess and it really wouldn't be my sort of thing i've already had too many unpleasant surprises in my life

[Saxondale]

i think i could hazard a guess and it really wouldn't be my sort of thing i've already had too many unpleasant surprises in my life

I'll not ask!

[Rincewind]

I thought I had replied to the rewrite of my story post. Either I did not post or its been removed by mods.

[JadeFalcon]

so its a story about you meeting a transvestite in a bar and you rising out of your seat ?!?!

we will ask no more

[Rincewind]

Something like that.

First draft. Dedicated to Zingari.

The Sniper

There were ten hours to go. Ten hours then the world would be changed.

The sniper raised his rifle and adjusted the telescopic sights on to the gathering crowd below the window of his lookout. A young mother was crossing the street, a toddler in tow. It so could have been himself many years before. He thought back to a time where he was playing contently with a train set. His father in a drunken state had come into the room and brought his size eleven shoes crashing onto the toy smashing it into small pieces. How he had wept as his father laughed then shouted 'Stop your whimpering little brat or I will take my slipper to you.'

There were nine hours to go. The gunman lay his rifle against the window and looked again out of the window. A woman dressed in black walked by, her face covered by a veil. Behind the veil he saw his mother's tears as she drew him close to her. She brushed his hair softly back as she gently said 'Your daddy has gone to a better place now he will not suffer any more.' But he did not shed a tear that day as he was just pleased that there would be no more beatings.

There were eight hours to go. The sniper looked across the street to an alleyway. He noticed two youths who had pinned a younger boy against a wall. He heard in his mind one say 'Give us your money dumbo.' He wanted to shout out 'No, don't give in, fight back.' But knew the younger boy would succumb eventually. Just as he had always done.

The gunman leaned against the wall of the small room on the 12th floor of an unoccupied office block. No-one knew he was here, no-one ever noticed him but soon he would no longer be a nobody. He drifted into a light sleep dreaming the same dreams, restless disturbing dreams. The fights in the playground, the name calling.

The sniper awoke with a start to noises below. Looking at his watch he saw that there was just one hour to go. Below the window the street was lined with onlookers, police and members of the armed forces. The sniper grimaced. 'Army, what a joke, they give you a gun, teach you to shoot then throw you out for doing your job.' He shook his head. 'Yes thrown out for shooting the enemy, for not asking their age. They always had it in for me anyway, now somebodys going to pay. This Government sucks.'

The sniper picked up his rifle again. Five minutes to go, five minutes to world fame, no-one will be laughing at me when its over. Below he saw a young boy holding a red baloon. The baloon slipped out of the boys grasp and floated up to the gunmans window. The young boy tugged his mothers dress pointing. The sniper said out loud 'Stop pointing little squirt, you'll miss all the fun.' Lighting a cigarette he leanted out the window and burst the baloon as it floated by. Below a. long line of cars were now approaching. The crowd cheered as an open-roofed car came into view. The sniper adjusted the sights and moved his finger to the trigger. Suddenly he was aware of sounds behind him, a door being broken open and voices. He heard one shout 'Freeze, drop your weapon' The sniper smiled as he moved his finger closer to the trigger. Then he felt a pain in his chest and slumped to the floor. As he lay on the floor he heard some-one shout 'The Presidents been shot'

Another voice 'Where from?

'The warehouse across the street.'

The sniper smiled as he drifted into unconsciousness. 'I will be famous after all, as the assassin that never was.'

The End

[Rincewind]

You'll have to ask Nightguard which pub it is!

I have no name for it. As the story was made up I didn't want to give the ending away with a name that may be known to some of you made up or real.

I have now started to add my new stuff to my blogger page. I have ads on there now so need the hits to help fund publish a book if i ever get round to it.

I had a call today frome some self publishing firm. I enquired about prices a few months back and was sent an email with the price plans. Since then I have been out of work so cant afford it now. The woman that phoned sounded American and seemed ok and genuine and wanted to help. She said that I should not really put the copies i had printed on ebay because of copyright and right. Not sure if anyone would copy them though and I have them on my PC anyway. Only sold a few and dont think those people would plagerise. But I may stop relisting.

The publishing cost would be £90 pm over 3 months which includes printing layout and ISBN They do other services but the cost goes up.

Like What I Wrote

[ajthefox]

Please do tell which pub it is so I can avoid it like the fucking plague.

[Rincewind]

An old one. For those that think war is funny.

The Generals Speech 1914-1918

A young man watched open-mouthed

As he listened to the general's speech

Who spoke of pinnacles of bravery

That only a fearless man could reach.

The young man was given a uniform

And a rifle placed into his hand

He proudly stood on the ship's deck

As it sailed to a foreign land.

Lying in a trench covered in mud

He waited anxciously for the call

Thinking about going over the top

Where he would see the enemy fall.

At last the captain gave the order

Righto chaps do your best

The young man ran but 20 yards

Heedless of shells hitting his chest.

His memories spilled onto the ground

Where his comrades were not far behind

They trampled his short life underfoot

Lost in the earth never to be found.

The young man was laid beneath the grass

Where he used to run and play

On his old school's roll of honour board

Was added another young mans name.

A young man watched open-mouthed

As he listened to the general's speech.

[Rincewind]

Back to the jolly stuff.

The visitors

Oh so nice to see you at this hour

Going bed? No, a dressing gown is my evening attire

Let us take your coat ant hat

Hungry after your your journey? we have not yet fed the cat.

Make yourselves at home, what's ours is yours to share

Of course it's not too much. How much is the taxi fare?

We may be pensioners, not much money to spend

But what's a missed months rent to help a friend?

We won't be offended if you have to leave

I'm sure you have other friends that you must see

They will be delighted to see you at this hour

Even if dressed in their evening attire.