Orkneyfox

I'd like to claim I was a latin lover....

Daughter yesterday watching Holland -v - Denmark "Why has that man got a 3 on his shirt and the other man has a roman numeral on his? "That would be number eleven" replies her Dad.

Ex once sat up in bed and asked " what has happened since 1919?!

No need to crow about it!

Buttered toast with strong cheddar and blackcurrant jam - and a couple of glasses of a cheeky Pinot Grigio.

Queen Elizabeth needed money to pay for the Jubilee celebrations and began to sell off her valuables. The last of these was the Star of India, the most valuable diamond in existence. She went to a pawnbroker who offered her £100 pounds for it. "Are you crazy?", said the Queen. "I paid one million pounds for this gem! Don't you know who I am?" The pawnbroker replied, "When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are."

Thanks Mike, posted with link as requested, regards Chris

MikeyT - do you mind if I put one of your dog pics on my FB page for a friend who has a dog of that type?

But I need rid of them to make way for my incense burner collection.

Can I bring wind chimes, it's very windy up here?

That joke about Tom Jones, which is a hardy perennial, pre-dates TIm Vine by many years, as does "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains" "Dont be ridiculous - pull yourself together" (probably Tommy Cooper)

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

Just finishing cooking roast duck breast with orange sauce, roasted root veg and roast tatties, plus a poussin on the side.

try http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjivDeA7Qu0

Cows are definately dodgy. They've killed a number of people over the last few years. The steers are boisterous but unpredictable but cows, like females everywhere (gross generalisation alert) can be very dangerous at, around, or just after calving time. HSE stats for 2009 - 10 list 5 bovine related fatalities.

Carrs biscuits with blackcurrant jam and peanut butter - washed down with a cheeky chilean sauvignon blanc

Been blizzards here most of the day, no real depth but 3 foot drifts.

to be fair theyare shit

Security guards at airports who think they are saving the world while making you take your belt and shoes off before running their hands all over you. You can't try to make light of it by having a joke for fear of the threat of being arrested (and if any of you are employed in that way - my apologies - I know it is just a job, it is just the attitude of some)