Ultra

Down in 3rd place in the group now. We desperately need a win at Derby on Friday.

He's not eligible to play in the first team this season. But the fact that he is here will ensure a lot more interest in us, and perhaps lead to more investment and a stronger team.

Doubt it. The game is on Sky.

A Nottingham Forest fan walks past a video shop. In the window is a sign saying "FOREST GLORY YEARS - THE VIDEO. ONLY £3.99" "Wow, what a bargain", he says to himself and goes into the shop. He asks the assistant if he can buy a copy. The assistant says yes and wraps the video up before ringing it up on the till. The Forest fan is shocked to find the till reading is £203.98. "Excuse me" he tells the assistant, "but your sign said the video is only £3.99". "So it is" came the reply, "but I assume you'll want a Betamax machine in order to watch it...".

Looks like the batsmen have found their touch (at last!) Just in time for the 20-20...

It's the familiar problem - lack of money. Probably the reason why DM ended up at Warwickshire. Unless we can get more members/fans (and not just for the 20-20 games), we're always likely to struggle.

To be fair, if every other club in the league are using Kolpak players (which they are), it's difficult to compete against them without using such players ourselves. If players are good enough, they'll come through the system anyway. Broad is a case in point. And once he's fit again, he'll spend half the summer with England, so we'll need cover for him.

If Madeleine is still alive, it's quite possible she may have been smuggled to Africa. There have been reports of sightings in Morocco. These could and should have been followed up, even if nothing came of them.

What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk, totally stressed out. He gives him the advice: "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic, and it really helped; you should try it too!". Two weeks later, when the manager arrives at his department, he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk. The faxes are piling up, and the computer is running at full speed. "I see you followed my advice". "I did", answers the employee. "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!".

Transcript from an inquest: Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

Chelsea Southampton Forest Hereford

Well said Dunc. Too many people on this forum seem to want to do Nottingham's job for them!