skinnydipper

The Joy of Archbold Bet Sir Fynwy can barely contain his excitement

You can't beat a good film about saving Hitler's brain "At the end of World War II, Nazi officials spirited the living head of Adolf Hitler out of Germany to a hiding place in the South American country of Mandoras, in order to revive the Third Reich at a later date. By the 1960s these men believed the time had come, so they kidnap a top scientist in order to force him to help keep Hitler alive. Several intellgence agencies find out about the plot and send agents to stop it." The little known prequel to Saving Private Ryan

Pretty good until the journey home. M6 shut , gridlock all around , dark night , pissing down And then there were the roadworks Soddin ratrace sh*thole of a country

Spandau Ballet -Once More

Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake and both are in intensive care One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma I was reading in the paper today that this dwarf got pickpocketed I don't know how anyone could stoop so low I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed so I pushed him under a steam train. He was chuffed to bits

A post mortem on Stephen Gately has revealed that the singer was found to have dried fruit stuffed up his rectum The cause of death was revealed as date rape The post mortem report on Stephen Gately states that his death was caused by him having been on a bender

Miserable gits

Lost car keys

Some things American are so crass When my kids were younger I took them to the Disney store in Leicester. They'd put a member of staff on the door ( probably on day release from the Towers) to meet and greet the customers with a "Hi" to every single person entering the store and a "bye "to every person leaving it. The highlight was when you got two or three families entering or leaving at the same time. The poor girl was going " Hi, Hi, Hi, Bye,Bye,Hi,Hi,Hi,Hi, Bye,Bye Bye Bye,Hi" without pause for breath So for those that think their job's shit, think again.

No But I sometimes post on a forum where there are plenty

Brain dead Americans who shout " In the hole " every time Tiger Woods hits a shot

Jokes are always funnier second time round

At least Pete Doherty is never in danger of having his name shortened in the press like Susan Boyle has I was checking into a hotel the other week. At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled." Unbelievable what some people are into.

Two men get drunk and visit a brothel. The Madam takes one look at them and says to her manager; "Go put inflatable dolls in the bedrooms, these guys are too old and drunk to notice." During the walk home, the first man says, "I think my girl was dead. She didn't move or make a sound!" The second guy says, "Could be worse, I think mine was a witch!" ....A witch? Why the HELL would you say that? Well I gave her a little bite on the arse, she farted and flew out the window.

Watched The Love Guru on DVD Typical Mike Myers It was bad But it was good

And at times , tougher to crack than a rubiks cube

A woman walks into the Liverpool benefits office, trailed by 15 kids... 'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours? 'Yeah they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the children rush to find seats. 'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.' 'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.' 'OK, and who's next?' 'Well, this one he is Terry, also.' The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?' Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come runnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Terry' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Terry.' The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?' 'I call them by their surnames!'

Been rough as a badger's arse the last 36 hours Its flu, not manflu but the real deal But it'd have to be terminal to keep me away from tomorrow's game

May well have been. I got it as a text

Just seen the one where they went to Thorpe Park Brilliant

You need to get one of these

Alfie Patten, the 13 year old dad he's already joined Fathers for Justice. In an interview he said " It makes sense really as I already have a Spiderman outfit "

It would be poetic justice to use it against one of the cvnts of our time, that tosser Brunstrom from the North Wales constabulary