MC Prussian Posted 19 September 2005 Share Posted 19 September 2005 Boring, boring football By Derek 'Robbo' Robson (The Tees mouth) My missus often suggests I've got a permanent hangover. I think she's referring to the one that spills over me belt. But the celebrations of the Ashes victory - which incidentally grows more crushing with every passing moment - have cast the rest of our sport in a grimmer light. Has anyone actually enjoyed a football match since the season began again? And I'm including the players in that! What a bunch of whining, overpaid miseries they are. This weekend's fixtures, Michael Messiah Owen's arrival excluded, has been the perfect example. Everyone's playing 4-5-1. No one's trying to score. People who think Sam Allardyce should be manager of England need their heads examining. Meanwhile Chelsea roll on, believing they're the Rolls-Royce of English football - when they're actually a really solid Volvo estate. Can anyone stop the Chelsea juggernaut? They're impressive in the same way the ants on your front drive are. Relentless, organised, with another one ready to take over the one you just squashed. It's so DULL! There has got to be more entertaining things to be doing while watching these tedious so-called matches. So here's a few suggestions: 1. Draw a picture of Jose Mourinho on a balloon and blow it up until it gets dangerously swollen - i.e. more life-like - then take out a pin and pop it. Hugely satisfying. 2. Stand in your local high street and impersonate Rio Ferdinand's defensive play and see how many cabs stop to ask you where you want to go. 3. Make some toast while watching Wayne Rooney on Playercam. Adjust the dial according to how close he is to losing it. And turn the smoke alarms off in the house or it's no fun. 4. If Mike Riley is referee, cut out some cards, say 10 yellow and two red, and every time Riley issues one, stick a card to your TV screen. By half-time you'll only be able to see about half the footie, which is a vast improvement. 5. Watch the game via a mirror - you know, like you do when you take the wife down the pub for a bevvy. The footie's no better really but at least you can convince yourself that we've got loads of left-sided players to fill that tricky berth in the England XI. 6. While we're on the subject of the national team, try watching the next game England play out of position: stand on your head, peep through a crack in the curtains, whatever you fancy. It'll give a sense of just how hacked off Messrs Rooney, Lampard and Gerrard are playing for Becks, I mean Sven, right now. 7. Re-invigorate physical relations with your wife by making love to her during the game, just don't be surprised if she turns the footie back on half way through. 8. Watch the Ashes 2005 on DVD instead. It doesn't get any less pleasurable. Robbo's Verdict Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thracian Posted 19 September 2005 Share Posted 19 September 2005 Crackin... a kindred spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_lcfc Posted 19 September 2005 Share Posted 19 September 2005 i wouldnt say football has become boring i reckon that it has become less frequently entertaining than before and this is reflected in attendances falling everywhere maybe its the devil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thracian Posted 20 September 2005 Share Posted 20 September 2005 i wouldnt say football has become boring i reckon that it has become less frequently entertaining than before and this is reflected in attendances falling everywhere maybe its the devil Reading the recent threads and the number of people who don't mind endless 0-0 draws if we win a few at home and get into the play-offs I reckon I know why Levein came to Leicester. He conducted a poll and found out that more Leicester fans than at any other club in the country would put up with those boring, soulless, goalless draws than at any other club in the country and he therefore decided the Walkers was the perfect career move for a bloke who has reputedly made an art form out of dour. A man of our time I suppose. Do more and more older folk feel detached from "our time" the older they get?. Funnily enough I'm reminded of the words of an even older man ... "They know not what they do... I can just see the epitaph when I eventually sign off this forum. "Do you remember that neanderthal freak who used to campaign for attacking football? "Can you imagine some pratt expecting three goals a game and wanting to play strikers away from home ... f.....g brain dead he was." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted 20 September 2005 Share Posted 20 September 2005 Reading the recent threads and the number of people who don't mind endless 0-0 draws if we win a few at home and get into the play-offs I reckon I know why Levein came to Leicester. He conducted a poll and found out that more Leicester fans than at any other club in the country would put up with those boring, soulless, goalless draws than at any other club in the country and he therefore decided the Walkers was the perfect career move for a bloke who has reputedly made an art form out of dour. A man of our time I suppose. Do more and more older folk feel detached from "our time" the older they get?. Funnily enough I'm reminded of the words of an even older man ... "They know not what they do... I can just see the epitaph when I eventually sign off this forum. "Do you remember that neanderthal freak who used to campaign for attacking football? "Can you imagine some pratt expecting three goals a game and wanting to play strikers away from home ... f.....g brain dead he was." Deary me Football as a whole will get worse before it gets better, it has to end somewhere and I think its finally on the way down. The arse will fall out the bottom of the game before long - its already ripped its seam, finally people are waking up to the fact that football in its present form is unacceptable. Football is no longer the working class sport it started out to be, most people are being priced out of the game why? To pay the overinflated wages of the over inflated egos that play. Premiership football is mostly unattractive to watch, the players are individually brilliant but they cannot work as a team and dont get me started on the England team - what a disgrace they are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Posted 20 September 2005 Share Posted 20 September 2005 Deary me Football as a whole will get worse before it gets better, it has to end somewhere and I think its finally on the way down. The arse will fall out the bottom of the game before long - its already ripped its seam, finally people are waking up to the fact that football in its present form is unacceptable. Football is no longer the working class sport it started out to be, most people are being priced out of the game why? To pay the overinflated wages of the over inflated egos that play. Premiership football is mostly unattractive to watch, the players are individually brilliant but they cannot work as a team and dont get me started on the England team - what a disgrace they are! how true, i never look forward to watching the big games these days, there is just no appeal to it now, when it was exiting i was watchn ebery single game i possibly could, but now it doesnt bother me, how sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thracian Posted 20 September 2005 Share Posted 20 September 2005 how true, i never look forward to watching the big games these days, there is just no appeal to it now, when it was exiting i was watchn ebery single game i possibly could, but now it doesnt bother me, how sad. Sad, unnecessary and all because of money and fear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CasinoGee Posted 20 September 2005 Share Posted 20 September 2005 Sad, unnecessary and all because of money and fear. You sond like that bloke off Donny Darko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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