Libertine Posted 13 November 2005 Posted 13 November 2005 There are 3 balloons, mummy, daddy and baby balloon. Every night the baby balloon sneaks in to the parents bed and goes to sleep in between them. Anyway it comes to the time when the parents have had enough and tell the now young balloon that enough is enough and he has to promise to stay in his own room. The young balloon reluctantly agrees to this and goes to his room. When night comes he sneaks into his parents room and tries to get in the middle like usual but his parents have spread out and there's no room, so he thinks I know if I let some air out of my Dad then I should get in......so he lets some air out of his Dad and tries again, still he won't fit, so he thinks I'll let some air out of Mum, does so and he still cant quite fit, so he then decides to let some air out of himself and squeezes in and has a fantastic warm sleep. In the morning Daddy balloon wakes up and is infuriated and asks his son why he has broken his promise and the son replies that he can't sleep in his room, the father sighs resignedly and says do you realise what you have done? .....well do you?............ .................. .................... ................. .............. ............ ......... You've let me down, you've let your Mum down, and worst of all you've let yourself down.
Libertine Posted 13 November 2005 Author Posted 13 November 2005 A man goes to a zoo, but when he arrives there's only a dog, nothing else......................... It was a shitzu
Libertine Posted 13 November 2005 Author Posted 13 November 2005 Brian, The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released New LP - wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now". Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window." "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you." Brian, world expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the World expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those." "I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes." Brian, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognize any of those!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant.............................I've just realized I was playing you the B-side."
john_lcfc Posted 13 November 2005 Posted 13 November 2005 your mum uses your dads your auntie uses your uncles Arnold Swarchenegar (sp) has a long one and Ashley Cole has a pretty small one apparently! what is this? ... .......... .. ............... .......... ..................... . . . . . . ....... . . . . . . . ...... sir name
Hitesh Posted 13 November 2005 Posted 13 November 2005 Brian, The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released New LP - wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now". Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window." "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you." Brian, world expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the World expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those." "I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes." Brian, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognize any of those!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant.............................I've just realized I was playing you the B-side." keep em comin! Im havin a borin evenin myself! Doing some java!!!
Thracian Posted 13 November 2005 Posted 13 November 2005 New rabbi is taking over at the synagogue but before he does so he visits the retiring rabbi for a quick tour and last minute advice. "Is there anything else I can tell you," says the incumbent rabbi over a pre-departure cup of tea. "Just one thing puzzles me," replied the novice. "When you circumcise the little Jew boys, what do you do with the foreskins?" "No problem replied the veteran. I keep a sweet jar in that cupboard over there and when it's full, I take all the foreskins down to the leather shop in the market where they make me a little keepsake." The new rabbi duly takes over and the months go by until eventually the jar is full and he makes the way down to the leather shop in the market place. Addressing the manager he says "I gather you used to help the old rabbi deal with the synagogue foreskins and would be pleased if you would help me in the same way." "Delighted," said the manager "come back in a couple of weeks and I'm sure you'll be delighted." The rabbi returned and sure enough the manager presented him with a delightful hand-crafted wallet. "That's wonderful said the rabbi. How much do I owe you for your trouble? "Seventy-five pounds said the manager," and was greeted with something of a frown from the rabbi. "What's the problem," asked the manager, concerned. "Don't you like what I've made?". "Oh yes," said the rabbi, "it's just that it seems a little dear for a wallet." "Ah but that's no ordinary wallet," replied the shopkeeper. -------------------- ------------------- ------------------- --------------------- -------------------------- "When you rub it, it turns into a suitcase."
Head Honcho Posted 13 November 2005 Posted 13 November 2005 There are 3 balloons, mummy, daddy and baby balloon. Every night the baby balloon sneaks in to the parents bed and goes to sleep in between them. Anyway it comes to the time when the parents have had enough and tell the now young balloon that enough is enough and he has to promise to stay in his own room. The young balloon reluctantly agrees to this and goes to his room. When night comes he sneaks into his parents room and tries to get in the middle like usual but his parents have spread out and there's no room, so he thinks I know if I let some air out of my Dad then I should get in......so he lets some air out of his Dad and tries again, still he won't fit, so he thinks I'll let some air out of Mum, does so and he still cant quite fit, so he then decides to let some air out of himself and squeezes in and has a fantastic warm sleep. In the morning Daddy balloon wakes up and is infuriated and asks his son why he has broken his promise and the son replies that he can't sleep in his room, the father sighs resignedly and says do you realise what you have done? .....well do you?............ .................. .................... ................. .............. ............ ......... You've let me down, you've let your Mum down, and worst of all you've let yourself down. I'll tell you how old that is ! I heard Tom o'Connor telling it on Name that Tune Very Poor! as Bob Mortimer would say. Are you allowed to tumbleweed yourself Cue Libertine!
Libertine Posted 13 November 2005 Author Posted 13 November 2005 I'll tell you how old that is ! I heard Tom o'Connor telling it on Name that Tune Very Poor! as Bob Mortimer would say. Are you allowed to tumbleweed yourself Cue Libertine!
Hitesh Posted 14 November 2005 Posted 14 November 2005 New rabbi is taking over at the synagogue but before he does so he visits the retiring rabbi for a quick tour and last minute advice."Is there anything else I can tell you," says the incumbent rabbi over a pre-departure cup of tea. "Just one thing puzzles me," replied the novice. "When you circumcise the little Jew boys, what do you do with the foreskins?" "No problem replied the veteran. I keep a sweet jar in that cupboard over there and when it's full, I take all the foreskins down to the leather shop in the market where they make me a little keepsake." The new rabbi duly takes over and the months go by until eventually the jar is full and he makes the way down to the leather shop in the market place. Addressing the manager he says "I gather you used to help the old rabbi deal with the synagogue foreskins and would be pleased if you would help me in the same way." "Delighted," said the manager "come back in a couple of weeks and I'm sure you'll be delighted." The rabbi returned and sure enough the manager presented him with a delightful hand-crafted wallet. "That's wonderful said the rabbi. How much do I owe you for your trouble? "Seventy-five pounds said the manager," and was greeted with something of a frown from the rabbi. "What's the problem," asked the manager, concerned. "Don't you like what I've made?". "Oh yes," said the rabbi, "it's just that it seems a little dear for a wallet." "Ah but that's no ordinary wallet," replied the shopkeeper. -------------------- ------------------- ------------------- --------------------- -------------------------- "When you rub it, it turns into a suitcase." Very good Thracian
Sophie Posted 14 November 2005 Posted 14 November 2005 A man goes to a zoo, but when he arrives there's only a dog, nothing else......................... It was a shitzu not the best but made me laugh
Libertine Posted 14 November 2005 Author Posted 14 November 2005 What do you do if you see a Spaceman? Park in it, man! (Rubbish I know)
Blue Arrow Posted 14 November 2005 Posted 14 November 2005 Year 6! How do the kids at michael jaksons ranch know its bedtime? The big hand touches the little hand
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.