Fez of Mahrez Posted 14 June 2006 Posted 14 June 2006 My mate says there's a convent school near his dad's house that the local kids call the Virgin Megastore. I've never literally pissed my pants laughing but that came as close as anything has for a long, long time. I love stuff like that. Last year someone told me a story (he swore it was true) that came even closer. This kid and his dad are out walking for the day and the kid leans on a metal fence to shake a stone out of his shoe. The dad thinks he's being electrocuted, picks up a massive stick and whacks him in the leg to try and free him, and breaks his son's leg. I want to hear more stories like this! Bring them on. Go.
macbeth Posted 14 June 2006 Posted 14 June 2006 An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?" The woman says: "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice"
samingram_uk Posted 14 June 2006 Posted 14 June 2006 My mate says there's a convent school near his dad's house that the local kids call the Virgin Megastore. I've never literally pissed my pants laughing but that came as close as anything has for a long, long time. I love stuff like that. Last year someone told me a story (he swore it was true) that came even closer. This kid and his dad are out walking for the day and the kid leans on a metal fence to shake a stone out of his shoe. The dad thinks he's being electrocuted, picks up a massive stick and whacks him in the leg to try and free him, and breaks his son's leg. I want to hear more stories like this! Bring them on. Go. that is so ****ing funny lmao
Luke_Leicester_Lad Posted 14 June 2006 Posted 14 June 2006 An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?" The woman says: "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice" Quality
billabob Posted 14 June 2006 Posted 14 June 2006 Last year this is! Our local infant school has a metal fence running around the playgroud with sharp points on the end, you know, the 3 pranged job. The local yob lost his ball and went in to get it, needless to say he slipped and imapled a bolluck on it, served him right! never did find ou if the poor bolluck survived or not . . .
DanTheFoxBhoy Posted 14 June 2006 Posted 14 June 2006 Q. What's the hardest thing about rollerblading? A. Telling your parents you're gay.
macbeth Posted 15 June 2006 Posted 15 June 2006 gary lineker asking the panel of experts what they thought of S & M............as they shifted eneasily he added serbia and montenegro
DanTheFoxBhoy Posted 15 June 2006 Posted 15 June 2006 Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Caspar? A. One is sickly pale and scares children and the other is a friendly ghost.
macbeth Posted 15 June 2006 Posted 15 June 2006 Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Caspar? A. One is sickly pale and scares children and the other is a friendly ghost.
De Vries The King Posted 15 June 2006 Posted 15 June 2006 One of my mates told me that this lad was doing this girl up the arse when he hit a nerve or something and she couldn't stop s**tting all over the place, when his parents came back they found all the s**t everywhere after she'd gone and he blamed it on the dog, and the dog had to be put down.
samingram_uk Posted 15 June 2006 Posted 15 June 2006 One of my mates told me that this lad was doing this girl up the arse when he hit a nerve or something and she couldn't stop s**tting all over the place, when his parents came back they found all the s**t everywhere after she'd gone and he blamed it on the dog, and the dog had to be put down. that is sick, but funny
SystonFox Posted 15 June 2006 Posted 15 June 2006 One of my mates told me that this lad was doing this girl up the arse when he hit a nerve or something and she couldn't stop s**tting all over the place, when his parents came back they found all the s**t everywhere after she'd gone and he blamed it on the dog, and the dog had to be put down. lmfao. sick
The People's Hero Posted 16 June 2006 Posted 16 June 2006 One of my mates told me that this lad was doing this girl up the arse when he hit a nerve or something and she couldn't stop s**tting all over the place, when his parents came back they found all the s**t everywhere after she'd gone and he blamed it on the dog, and the dog had to be put down. Does such a nerve exist?
macbeth Posted 16 June 2006 Posted 16 June 2006 Does such a nerve exist? i didn't think the nerve existed to admit such things
Thracian Posted 16 June 2006 Posted 16 June 2006 My mate says there's a convent school near his dad's house that the local kids call the Virgin Megastore. I've never literally pissed my pants laughing but that came as close as anything has for a long, long time. I love stuff like that. Last year someone told me a story (he swore it was true) that came even closer. This kid and his dad are out walking for the day and the kid leans on a metal fence to shake a stone out of his shoe. The dad thinks he's being electrocuted, picks up a massive stick and whacks him in the leg to try and free him, and breaks his son's leg. I want to hear more stories like this! Bring them on. Go. Brilliant
Thracian Posted 16 June 2006 Posted 16 June 2006 An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?" The woman says: "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice" Even my wife laughed at that one. Can't think why
De Vries The King Posted 16 June 2006 Posted 16 June 2006 One of my mates told me it, sadly I doubt it's true but still funny.
Wycombe Fox Posted 20 June 2006 Posted 20 June 2006 In a recent interview regarding his divorce proceedings and future plans Paul McCartney was asked if he would consider going down on one knee again in the future, he replied, "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather". Bit sick but made me chuckle...
Fez of Mahrez Posted 20 June 2006 Author Posted 20 June 2006 In a recent interview regarding his divorce proceedings and future plans Paul McCartney was asked if he would consider going down on one knee again in the future, he replied, "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather". Bit sick but made me chuckle... I like that.
The People's Hero Posted 20 June 2006 Posted 20 June 2006 In a recent interview regarding his divorce proceedings and future plans Paul McCartney was asked if he would consider going down on one knee again in the future, he replied, "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather". Bit sick but made me chuckle... All these jokes about the McCartneys... I think they're absolutely prosthetic.
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