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Fez of Mahrez

If you were a London Underground station...

By Fez of Mahrez, in General Chat

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Alexikokopops

Alexikokopops

Posted
Posted

Apparently Mile End is the only tube station where you can get to any other tube station with a maximum of one change. I'm yet to confirm this. That can be this afternoon's job. Mile End it is.

Lamby

Lamby

Posted
Posted
Apparently Mile End is the only tube station where you can get to any other tube station with a maximum of one change. I'm yet to confirm this. That can be this afternoon's job. Mile End it is.

True

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
Isn't there one called Grange Hill or something or did I imagine it.

I felt a little freaked reading through this and saw Janx's posts. I didn't realise it was an old one dragged up. Nearly two years now isn't it? :(

There is indeed. It's on the Central Line :thumbup:

Ric Flair

Ric Flair

Posted
Posted
Apparently Mile End is the only tube station where you can get to any other tube station with a maximum of one change. I'm yet to confirm this. That can be this afternoon's job. Mile End it is.

There's been a bit of sex at Mile End tube station from myself before.

Ric Flair

Ric Flair

Posted
Posted

Ok, and here we are then. Here we are.

It's 2001, the 21st Century is still new to us all, we still don't know whether we'll live much longer, the Millennium Bug is still milling about and quite frankly it's making me and you do some frivelous things.

August is upon us, i'm 18. I'm at the end of my teather, i'm like Blazin Squad i'm at a cross roads with my life, except without the collection of parkha jackets. it's hot, fookin really hot. I've got my shorts on, it's one of those days where you can smell the heat, you can taste summer. A day where you really enjoy drinking, booze, an array of soft drinks, all of 'em, you just lap it up. In this instance I was boozing and I was loving cider.

Just allow your mind to drift and float a minute, just drift, drift, drift away, more deeply relaxed now..... Imagine it's the summer, it's the early evening and you are with your mates. Sitting outside, even add a little pub garden to the mix. There's some shade, and there's still a sun trap that you get a hit of warmth swing past you every so often. Now bring your drink of choice to the fore, have a sip, how good does that taste and make you feel? Yes? Winners Enclosure? Shall we?

Anyway, i'm all of the above. I am in a quandry and for that reason, i've come to London for the summer to live with my brother. He's down there for the 8th different time, this time he's here because there's been an unwanted pregnancy. I've joined him because at 18, I have no idea what I want to do with my life other than get pissed up with the boys. Vodka and Snakebite.

It's a Friday, we're both meant to be doing a spot at Earls Court. I'm on Data Entry at some Onion Covention, don't fancy it. We've made it as far as Holborn on the tube before we sack it off. My brothers rang in for us, there's been an incident. I've got my old lad caught in my zip and we've got a bleeder. Off to A&E, what them fookers didn't realise was that A&E stood for the Armpit and Elephant in Shoreditch.

I don't know what time it is, but we've been drinking for about 4 hours. There's not been much scran either so it's hitting me hard, but it's the summer and it's the weekend. I've got business to attend to and someone's gonna have it. Jager Bombs weren't sexy back in '01, so we were on Champagne & Red Bull instead. There's a team of scantily clad girls pitch up, which haven't shared the same level of excitement as we have upon seeing each other. Knock on enough doors though and one will open, so i've got some shots in. Horrified. But they have them anyway.

My brother has found me trying to have a piss behind the bandit inside the pub, the landlord isn't happy and he wants answers. I've threw a twenty spot at him and told him to get a round of beers in to bury the hatchet. I think we had the beers, but I can't remember. It's early evening now and London has finished work for the week, everyone's out, all the big names. We've outstayed our welcome in the Armpit, and there's something i've forgot to mention, about a little gag we'd played on the landlord. We'd got the number of the boozer off a poster in the bog and my brother rang them up whilst we were out in the garden. He's good at this sort of thing, got lots of different voices. He once rang me up and pretended to be my Grandma, I believed him until I realised sadly my Grandma had passed on a few years earlier.

' Hello, Armpit and Elephant. Julian speaking '

' Um hallo, can I speak to the landlord please? I'd like to make a complaint '

' Yes, i'm the landlord, how can I help? '

' I'd like to report an incident that has happened earlier in your establishment. I was in the gentlemen's toilets having a urine and there was a man in there. He was, he was, he, he was doing something '

' Ok, what was he doing? '

' He was making love to himself in the mirror '

' Oh, err, right, well I understand that you are upset about that '

' He kept on doing it and when I turned round and looked in the mirror I realised that the man was me..... '

' YOU WHAT? WHO IS THIS? '

Phone goes dead. Queue a lot of sniggering and general high fiving and the landlord has rumbled us when he's come out to bring a Ploughman's for one of the regulars.

A few more faces had hooked up with us, mainly people my brother knew since the move down here. I felt I needed to step up to the plate and make a name for myself. So I did. I did one of my old favourites. I asked for a pint of beer and I also asked for a cup of tea, much to the bar man's dismay given the state I was in. I took a big swig out of my beer, gave myself enough room for my tea to fit in and poured in in to my beer. There were gasps of astonishment and giggles of approval, it had gone down well. I was ahead of schedule.

I am going to have to level with you, I don't want to have to fabricate this story, so i'm going to be honest. I don't remember much else of the evening. My brother said I had been to the toilet and got 12 foot of bog roll and tucked it in to the back of my shorts and walked out of the shitter with it trailing behind me. I was upsetting formal dinners and all sorts. I do however remember finding myself on my own at closing time. The army of drinkers i'd been doing the conga with had dispersed and my phone had died for me to touch base with the lad. So I was going solo and I was vulnerable. I was wandering about trying to piece together a gig, my work wasn't done for the night but i'd only got about 60p left on me and breath like a monkey's chuff. I'm not overly sure how far Mile End tube station is from Shoreditch or wherever i'd been drinking late that night, but I appeared to be there. It felt real and i've scrutinized this memory many times and I can't pick many holes in it. So fook it, i'm bagging it.

I wandered in to the tube station, some might say it was midnight and I was on the way home to my wife. I could barely see past the end of my beer, so I went to the toilet to lean on the sink (Partridge). It smelt like John West tuna in there, so I legged it quick. I felt quite down and depressed, here I was at 18, with tuna and poo particles up my nose, about twenty pints the piss'der, 100 miles from my real home, absolutely no idea when I was going to get back to my temporary slum. I was miffed and arguably, rightly so. So I curled up in a ball like an hedgehog and must have fallen asleep for a bit, not long after I got rudely awaken from something that I think was from the female species. Don't get me wrong she looked half decent, but I couldn't understand what she was saying and I was leathered so there's got to be a touch of skeptism, ain't there?

She seemed really keen, it was confusing me. I'd been asleep, probably in the bushes, I wouldn't rule out a spot of piss down me shorts, I mean what was there to like? But being the lad I am, I thought it would be rude to query this. So I took her by the hand, gave her a little smooch. She didn't heave, so things couldn't of been that bad and I led her down the merry garden. Well it was more like some grey concrete stairs and in to the John West toilets...... I'll save the graphic details of the intercourse because quite frankly I can't remember the bumflufferies, but I don't imagine i'll be winning many awards for stamina, unselfishness and general spontaneity for this encounter.

Dinner is served......

Oh and by the way, I nicked £4 off her to get the bus home.

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