Alexikokopops Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 May I congratulate you on an exquisite avatar/signature combination. Bill Hicks and Family Guy. Great work, great work.
Daggers Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.Just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they'll take root. I don't know. You try. You do what you can. Kill yourself. Seriously, though. If you are, do. No, really. There's no rationalisation for what you do, and you are Satan's little helpers, okay? Kill yourself. Seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously. No, this is not a joke, if you're going: "There's going to be a joke coming." There's no fooking joke coming. You are Satan's spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fooked, and you are fooking us. Kill yourself, it's the only way to save your fooking soul. Kill yourself. Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going: "He's doing a joke." There's no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fooking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend – I don't care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fooking machinations. I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too. "Oh, you know what Bill's doing? He's going for that anti-marketing dollar. That's a good market, he's very smart." Oh man. I am not doing that, you fooking evil scumbags! "Oh, you know what Bill's doing now? He's going for the righteous indignation dollar. That's a big dollar. Lot of people are feeling that indignation, we've done research. Huge market. He's doing a good thing." God damn it, I'm not doing that, you scumbags. Quit putting a goddamn dollar sign on every fooking thing on this planet! "Oh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill's very bright to do that." God, I'm just caught in a fooking web. "Oh, the trapped dollar. Big dollar, huge dollar. Good market, look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar …" How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fooking babies at night, don't you? "What did you do today, honey?" "Oh, we made arsenic childhood food. Now, good night. Yeah, we just said, you know, is your baby really too loud? You know … yeah, the mums will love it, yeah." Sleep like fooking children, don't you? This is your world, isn't it?
Alexikokopops Posted 2 March 2007 Author Posted 2 March 2007 I don't understand anything, so there you go … you know what my problem is? I watch too much news, man. That's my problem, that's why I'm so depressed all the time. I figured it out. I watch too much CNN, man. I don't know if you've ever sat around and watched CNN more than, I don't know, 20 hours in one day … I don't recommend that. Watch CNN Headline News for 1 hour, it's the most depressing thing you'll ever fooking do. "WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS, RECESSION, DEPRESSION. WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS …" Then, you look out your window … [makes cricket noises] Where's all this shit happening? Ted Turner's making this shit up! Jane Fonda won't sleep with him, he runs to a typewriter: "'By 1992, we will all die of AIDS.' Read that on the air. I don't get laid, no one gets laid!" I'm writing Jane Fonda: "Will you fook this guy so we can get some good news, please?" I want to see a well-laid Ted Turner newscast: "Hey, it's all going to work out. Here's sports."
Libertine Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 Hey you! Buy this yellow drink! Hey, preggo! Don't you walk away from me! OoOoOoOo Here's y'lemonade.
Fez of Mahrez Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 Peter (In Asiatown): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy walks away) Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy again walks away) Peter (to another Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk! Peter: No I'm not. Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk! Chris: Nope. Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle! Meg: Im not a boy! Jackie Chan: Yes you are. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Fez of Mahrez Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors? Mort: Peter, are you eating those? Peter: No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Daggers Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 I wonder if anyone here would be interested in this fine tome...
Libertine Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors?Mort: Peter, are you eating those? Peter: No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: No way! Awesome, totally awesome! Alright Goldman! lol
Daggers Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 A Family Guy quote fest is what this forum has been crying out for - beats the tits of that stupid Chebs thread
Alexikokopops Posted 2 March 2007 Author Posted 2 March 2007 I unearthed a monster when I mentioned that word. Lets not forget Bill Hicks!! You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons." "How do you know that?" "Uh, well … we looked at the receipts."
Daggers Posted 2 March 2007 Posted 2 March 2007 “Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves... ...Here’s Tom with the weather.â€Â
cisono Posted 3 March 2007 Posted 3 March 2007 Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors? Mort: Peter, are you eating those? Peter: No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: This must be particularly funny for the British public, I guess...
Jay Posted 3 March 2007 Posted 3 March 2007 can we have a clam lappers and sonic the hedgehog quote next please!!! and don't forget God only planted Dinosaurs here to test our faith!! Bill Hicks was a total genius
Alexikokopops Posted 3 March 2007 Author Posted 3 March 2007 can we have a clam lappers and sonic the hedgehog quote next please!!! and don't forget God only planted Dinosaurs here to test our faith!! Bill Hicks was a total genius Fundamentalist Christianity. Fascinating. These people actually believe the world is 12 thousand years old. Swear to God! Based on what? I asked them. "Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible, and we added them up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages – 12 thousand years." Well, how fooking scientific! Okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble there. That's good. You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay, I got one word to ask you. A one word question. Ready? "Uh-uh." Dinosaurs. You know, the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, and they existed in that time … you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fooking Bible at some point. "And lo, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus … with a splinter in his paw. And O, the disciples did run a-shrieking: 'What a big fooking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O, so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fooking families and their fat dollar bills. And O, Scotland did praise the Lord: 'Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.'" "God put [dinosaur fossils] here to test our faith!"... I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. Seriously, does it bother anyone else that God might be ****' with our heads?! [Mimes digging] "Ho ho ho! We'll see who believes in me now!"
Jay Posted 4 March 2007 Posted 4 March 2007 ' date='Mar 3 2007, 12:32 PM' post='550598']Fundamentalist Christianity. Fascinating. These people actually believe the world is 12 thousand years old. Swear to God! Based on what? I asked them. "Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible, and we added them up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages – 12 thousand years." Well, how fooking scientific! Okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble there. That's good. You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay, I got one word to ask you. A one word question. Ready? "Uh-uh." Dinosaurs. You know, the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, and they existed in that time … you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fooking Bible at some point. "And lo, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus … with a splinter in his paw. And O, the disciples did run a-shrieking: 'What a big fooking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O, so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fooking families and their fat dollar bills. And O, Scotland did praise the Lord: 'Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.'" "God put [dinosaur fossils] here to test our faith!"... I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. Seriously, does it bother anyone else that God might be ****' with our heads?! [Mimes digging] "Ho ho ho! We'll see who believes in me now!" GENIUS!!!
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