Chandler Posted 23 April 2008 Posted 23 April 2008 After his disastrous own goal at the very end of Liverpool's Champions League semi final first leg tie with Chelsea John Arne Riise (JAR) gave an exclusive interview to MOON TV. Here is a summary of his remarks: ''...and I was feeling great and getting ready for my reindeer steak and thinking we've stitched 'em up, sorry, done 'em again. As the ball came in I looked up and out of the corner of my eye I saw Tom Hicks in the director's box and I thought, 'you greedy bastard' and the full horror of this Yank owning 50% of our club suddenly hit me - it just whacked me on me 'ead - is my Scouse ok? - and went in the net with the ball. Pepe was waving his arms and shouting something but he was drowned out by the Kop blaming Hicks for the goal." Pepe Reina threw more light on the incident: "...I was looking forward to my cerveza and paella but Chelsea continued to play in the fifth minute of injury time which is not right: I am sure there is a rule somewhere that says you cannot cross the ball in the box after the 90th minute but maybe not in England. When the ball came in I could tell what JAR was thinking and I sensed the danger. I tried to warn him by shouting 'Dubai International Capital' but by then he was too far gone. I did not attempt to stop his header because the incident was a - how you say? - metaphor for Tom Hicks control of the club which is not good." But if you think that Chelsea fans are that much happier think again - they are deeply divided. The Jose 'Bungo' 'Fixo' Mourinho diehards were appalled at the prospect that Avram Grant could get any credit for the result and are desperately hoping that Chelsea lose the return leg 5-0 with Shevchenko putting through his own net five times so that they can sing 'Grant Out!' and 'You Don't Know What You're Doing.' A spokesman for the most extreme (spikey) Mourinho faction said: "We desperately hope that we are relegated next season as this will prove what a great manager Jose was. Since he left everything has gone down hill. We are even in danger of not having the most expenseive seats anymore since we started paying less for players. My mate told me he could get a season ticket for under ten grand if he renewed early...' A spokesperson for the (fluffy) Mourinho Transgender Brown-Nosers remarked: "Jose was at Anfied in spirit last night. You can still feel that he influences the team - it's quite amazing. I mean Anelka has never met him and has never even seen Mourinho's Pringle sweater or his Pashmina scarf but he still had the presence of mind to stand rooted to the spot not doing very much behind Riise. It must be mind control via telepathy. The brain produces more electricity when it's in a brothel did you know that?" A spokesman for the 'Avram Is To Blame For Our Success' movement will speak to us tomorow via a live link with the British Antarctic Survey.
Benjani Posted 23 April 2008 Posted 23 April 2008 Anelka would of scored anyway. And i went mad when that went in, literally screaming. Comeon AVRAM!
Daggers Posted 23 April 2008 Posted 23 April 2008 Drugs really should be outlawed. Outlawed AND banned.
Master Fox Posted 23 April 2008 Posted 23 April 2008 Drugs really should be outlawed. Outlawed AND banned. NEVER!
The People's Hero Posted 23 April 2008 Posted 23 April 2008 After his disastrous own goal at the very end of Liverpool's Champions League semi final first leg tie with Chelsea John Arne Riise (JAR) gave an exclusive interview to MOON TV. Here is a summary of his remarks:''...and I was feeling great and getting ready for my reindeer steak and thinking we've stitched 'em up, sorry, done 'em again. As the ball came in I looked up and out of the corner of my eye I saw Tom Hicks in the director's box and I thought, 'you greedy bastard' and the full horror of this Yank owning 50% of our club suddenly hit me - it just whacked me on me 'ead - is my Scouse ok? - and went in the net with the ball. Pepe was waving his arms and shouting something but he was drowned out by the Kop blaming Hicks for the goal." Pepe Reina threw more light on the incident: "...I was looking forward to my cerveza and paella but Chelsea continued to play in the fifth minute of injury time which is not right: I am sure there is a rule somewhere that says you cannot cross the ball in the box after the 90th minute but maybe not in England. When the ball came in I could tell what JAR was thinking and I sensed the danger. I tried to warn him by shouting 'Dubai International Capital' but by then he was too far gone. I did not attempt to stop his header because the incident was a - how you say? - metaphor for Tom Hicks control of the club which is not good." But if you think that Chelsea fans are that much happier think again - they are deeply divided. The Jose 'Bungo' 'Fixo' Mourinho diehards were appalled at the prospect that Avram Grant could get any credit for the result and are desperately hoping that Chelsea lose the return leg 5-0 with Shevchenko putting through his own net five times so that they can sing 'Grant Out!' and 'You Don't Know What You're Doing.' A spokesman for the most extreme (spikey) Mourinho faction said: "We desperately hope that we are relegated next season as this will prove what a great manager Jose was. Since he left everything has gone down hill. We are even in danger of not having the most expenseive seats anymore since we started paying less for players. My mate told me he could get a season ticket for under ten grand if he renewed early...' A spokesperson for the (fluffy) Mourinho Transgender Brown-Nosers remarked: "Jose was at Anfied in spirit last night. You can still feel that he influences the team - it's quite amazing. I mean Anelka has never met him and has never even seen Mourinho's Pringle sweater or his Pashmina scarf but he still had the presence of mind to stand rooted to the spot not doing very much behind Riise. It must be mind control via telepathy. The brain produces more electricity when it's in a brothel did you know that?" A spokesman for the 'Avram Is To Blame For Our Success' movement will speak to us tomorow via a live link with the British Antarctic Survey. It's as if you've read a book on how to be funny and obeyed a couple of the rules but failed to really grasp the theory. It's all a bit contrived, predictable and forced, is it not?
DB11 Posted 23 April 2008 Posted 23 April 2008 Did you hear about Riise? He was arrested the other night... going on the motorway he was heading the wrong way apparently!
The Reverend Posted 23 April 2008 Posted 23 April 2008 Did you hear about Riise? He was arrested the other night... going on the motorway he was heading the wrong way apparently! That would of been funny if i was 12.
Thracian Posted 24 April 2008 Posted 24 April 2008 It's as if you've read a book on how to be funny and obeyed a couple of the rules but failed to really grasp the theory.It's all a bit contrived, predictable and forced, is it not? You cannot expect anyone to scale your heights of wit and stomach-cramping good humour without experience, encouragement and perseverance. I'm beginning to understand how frustrating being a cricket coach would have been to you - just the challenge of finding people among all the incompetents who were worthy of your attention for a start. A case of brilliance having its downside, I guess.
The People's Hero Posted 24 April 2008 Posted 24 April 2008 You cannot expect anyone to scale your heights of wit and stomach-cramping good humour without experience, encouragement and perseverance.I'm beginning to understand how frustrating being a cricket coach would have been to you - just the challenge of finding people among all the incompetents who were worthy of your attention for a start. A case of brilliance having its downside, I guess. This post is dedicated to Steven.
Chandler Posted 24 April 2008 Author Posted 24 April 2008 It's as if you've read a book on how to be funny and obeyed a couple of the rules but failed to really grasp the theory.It's all a bit contrived, predictable and forced, is it not? Far be it from me to be judge in my own defence in such an important matter... But I'm sure gag and sketch writers everywhere (and their agents and bank managers) would be delighted to know that there really is a 'theory of being funny.' Is it very post modern and 'overarching?'
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