Want to get paid to travel and relax?

[Alan Johnson]

As you may be aware I sent out an e-mail advertising my new services. One reply I received stood out and came to my attention. This young chap was confusing Johnson and Johnson with the well known company Johnson & Johnson.

Please spot that my company name has a trademark on the and, whilst my fellow businessmen with the same namesake have a trade mark on the &.

As humorous as the message was it gave me a bright idea to start my own pharmaceutical company with the same namesake.

This is where you get involved.

I’m after a couple of individuals preferably a couple to do some traveling for me.

You will travel to the beautiful country of Brazil and relax in the sunshine on the gorgeous beaches of Rio. You will be staying in a five star hotel with all expenses paid for. Each person will be given a kitty of £2000 spending money and a nice sum of £3000 on return to Heathrow.

There are no strings or hidden clauses. All I need you to do is travel on the last day of your break, up to a nice local friendly favela where you will meet one of my business contacts Thiago.

Thiago is a pharmaceutical expert and deals in talcum powder. Thiagos talc is purer than the English product and is priced at a pinch of the going trade rate here in the British Isles.

When you meet Thiago he will give you 6 kg each of the powder to bring back as samples for me. He will strap this on your persons but don’t be alarmed this is standard procedure to avoid the extra weight tariff charges the airlines normally sting upon you at the airport.

This could be the start of a great business in the pharmaceutical industry and a great opportunity for a couple of people to build there way up in the business. There will also be further opportunities open for yourself to travel all around South America meeting numerous talcum powder dealers looking for the right product at the right price.

So if traveling and relaxing whilst getting paid is for you then contact me on [email protected] and I will get back to you a.s.a.p.

A.Johnson

[Bert]

Talc aka Cocaine?

[AoWW]

Pfft, not another 'talcum powder collection' initiative. They're starting to get right up my nose.

[AjcW]

Im busy that year.

[Guest]

Yeah, I'm up for it.

[skinnydipper]

Might have been interested Alan if the mode of transport had involved the talcum powder being deposited inside a small prophylactic and swallowed. Shitting it out the other end is where the real fun's to be had.

Strapping it to your body - It's so old school

[ACF]

Put the powder in bags and let a dog swallow them. That way the officers just think that the sniffer dogs are horny.

[ozleicester]

A word of warning folks.

I applied to Mr Johnson for this job, there is one major discrepancy, He states that the packages will be strapped to you in order to avoid the added costs, HOWEVER at the interview a surprisingly friendly Mr Johnson advised the packages were actually to be inserted into my body.

Mr Johnson then carried out a lengthy and deep investigation into my carrying capabilities, this would not have bothered me the first 3 times, but as i had a train to catch (i wont bore you with that story) I had no option but to leave.

I would suggest that you speak to Mr Johnson prior to applying as the 3 hour interview and search process carried out by him and his "assistants" can be somewhat intimidating, although it is pleaseing to note that someone of Mr Johnsons stature is still so very "hands on" in his employee selection.

[Zingari]

Johnson Crew had better watch out !!!

This is Burger Bar Boys territory !!

[Alan Johnson]

It seems a few pieces of knob stilton are getting me confused and questioning my business aspirations.

I must stress this isn’t a drugs run. I have no connections with ozleicester and the others claiming to have spoken to me.

It seems that people are already trying to muscle in on my talcum business and are putting my reputation down.

It is a well known fact Brazil is the talcum capital of the world.

ozleicester, zingari, skinnydipper, bert, anotherofwalshieswomen expect soap bars to come flying your way next time you’re walking home. Let’s just say it will be in your best interests to bend over and pick it up.

I’m also happy to announce I have openings coming up for a new green tea business which will be exporting from Jamaica.

Once again same rules apply but you will be bring back tea from Jamaica.

I plan to launch my Johnson Tips range early next year.

Contact : [email protected]

Any fucking about will be dealt with severely.

A.Johnson