Work Poo Funny!

[Phube]

I've been told it old, but I found it hilarious (and sadly quite true!):

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As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOO is

inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, the following is the

Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the

smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't

know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until

the

full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make

sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and

check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and

come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may

become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or

forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave

of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.

Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the

urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is

uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both

parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun

pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this

should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has

left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just

occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo

hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink

up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF

SHAME.

(yep..guilty)

WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door

after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very

uncomfortable

moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to

pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of

the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proud of

it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet pooer enter the bathroom

with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around

the

office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who band

together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This

group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet

Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where

you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the

opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering

the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in the cubicle

and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and

vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this

occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way

you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the

bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a

WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when

used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd

Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt

that the

cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom

immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.

WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet

water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon

coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET -- A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud

splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using

a

Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could

spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the

pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as

you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits

you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

[Nebdingo]

I like that!! shame there aint a "funnies" forum on here.

[Daggers]

I like that!! shame there aint a "funnies" forum on here.

It's anywhere Thracian posts

[Durnerz]

ROFLMAOPMSL!!!!!!!!!!

*Wipes tears from cheeks*

[lookwhaticando]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

quality stuff.

[Northants Fox]

I liked these as well

( yes i was ROFLMAO) :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Nationwider]

A true rofl post there, Phubey.

[Phube]

A true rofl post there, Phubey.

I'm just the messenger, but I'll take any plaudits coming my way!!

[Shum]

Love it!