helping teenage son

[stingray]

this is personal but I'm not sure where to start. I have a teenage boy (16) who on the outside is very confident, tall, athletic and quite handsome, bright too but he's never made friends. Not one really. He does social things that we organise and take him to like playing for football team (well) and swimming for a club competitively where he's the life and soul.  

But after school or sports he never sees anyone, no one calls him and he never goes out with anyone. 

He's pretty rude at home and cheeky, but hey that's not unusual.

My gut instinct is he just does not know how to make friends, and alienates others by taking the piss or being a bit mean. This never crosses a line into bullying though. 

We did have a child psychologist look at him many years ago and they found no issues. 

Help ! where do I start ? Of course we worry a lot as parents. 

thanks

 

[Guest]

You're worrying about nothing.

 

[Wymsey]

3 minutes ago, stingray said:

this is personal but I'm not sure where to start. I have a teenage boy (16) who on the outside is very confident, tall, athletic and quite handsome, bright too but he's never made friends. Not one really. He does social things that we organise and take him to like playing for football team (well) and swimming for a club competitively where he's the life and soul.  

But after school or sports he never sees anyone, no one calls him and he never goes out with anyone. 

He's pretty rude at home and cheeky, but hey that's not unusual.

My gut instinct is he just does not know how to make friends, and alienates others by taking the piss or being a bit mean. This never crosses a line into bullying though. 

We did have a child psychologist look at him many years ago and they found no issues. 

Help ! where do I start ? Of course we worry a lot as parents. 

thanks

 

Including Asperger's Syndrome, which can include the above traits of it?

[stingray]

1 minute ago, FIF said:

You're worrying about nothing.

 

my son has never has a friend, never been to a sleepover never, not been to a party since he was 10.  I don't want him to live a life alone.  

[Guest the fox]

maybe he just wants to spend as much time with his parents as possible because he will leave home someday, or he just isn't that much of a people's person. as long as he interacts with other, it's ok.

[stingray]

5 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Including Asperger's Syndrome, which can include the above traits of it?

there may be something in this, I guess it's mild but...

[Izzy]

21 minutes ago, stingray said:

this is personal but I'm not sure where to start. I have a teenage boy (16) who on the outside is very confident, tall, athletic and quite handsome, bright too but he's never made friends. Not one really. He does social things that we organise and take him to like playing for football team (well) and swimming for a club competitively where he's the life and soul.  

But after school or sports he never sees anyone, no one calls him and he never goes out with anyone. 

He's pretty rude at home and cheeky, but hey that's not unusual.

My gut instinct is he just does not know how to make friends, and alienates others by taking the piss or being a bit mean. This never crosses a line into bullying though. 

We did have a child psychologist look at him many years ago and they found no issues. 

Help ! where do I start ? Of course we worry a lot as parents. 

thanks

 

Have you mentioned your worry about this to your son and if so, what was his response?

[Guest]

20 minutes ago, stingray said:

my son has never has a friend, never been to a sleepover never, not been to a party since he was 10.  I don't want him to live a life alone.  

 

What do you mean by "never had a friend"? Are you just saying some bosom buddy or he has never ever had anyone who likes him? If the second is the case then I'm out of my depth and think you should see a specialist, if it's the first then no big deal. Sleepovers and socialising at parties, loads of teenagers don't do that. We don't live in an American tv programme. 

 

I've known a lot of teenagers over the years and I really didn't read anything in your first post to worry about.  He's 16. He's working through things and eventually he'll slip into the life he wants - not neccesarily one that you think he needs or want for him.

 

Is he loving to you and his mum? Does he have siblings? Have you talked to him about your anxieties - they probably aren't his? 

 

Talking to him is the best place to start and remember he's 16. 

[Guest]

40 minutes ago, stingray said:

this is personal but I'm not sure where to start. I have a teenage boy (16) who on the outside is very confident, tall, athletic and quite handsome, bright too but he's never made friends. Not one really. He does social things that we organise and take him to like playing for football team (well) and swimming for a club competitively where he's the life and soul.  

But after school or sports he never sees anyone, no one calls him and he never goes out with anyone. 

He's pretty rude at home and cheeky, but hey that's not unusual.

My gut instinct is he just does not know how to make friends, and alienates others by taking the piss or being a bit mean. This never crosses a line into bullying though. 

We did have a child psychologist look at him many years ago and they found no issues. 

Help ! where do I start ? Of course we worry a lot as parents. 

thanks

 

What does he did at home? Is it that he's gaming with his friends online or something?

The world has changed a lot. Teenagers seem to spend less time together than they used to. The fact he's the 'life and soul' at swimming, and is a member of two different sporting teams suggests he's probably fine.

Hard not to worry about your kids though. 

 

 

[stingray]

1 hour ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Have you mentioned your worry about this to your son and if so, what was his response?

he says he finds others 'annoying' or just doesn't want to meet up 

[stingray]

1 hour ago, toddybad said:

What does he did at home? Is it that he's gaming with his friends online or something?

The world has changed a lot. Teenagers seem to spend less time together than they used to. The fact he's the 'life and soul' at swimming, and is a member of two different sporting teams suggests he's probably fine.

Hard not to worry about your kids though. 

 

 

some gaming. yes teenagers are not out like I used to be ! He's cocky around the house and teases his younger bro. but just does not realise that he upsets others I think. he does not understand others feelings  

[Chico1958]

I'd be more worried if he was going out every night getting drunk

 

Abusing the missus, causing arguments in the house, being brought home by the law and you were getting dragged up to the school every other week because he hadn't turned up or was causing problems with the teachers.

 

He'll find his way in life, we all do. Some will find it easy, some a little more difficult but we get there in the end.

 

It just takes some longer to get there............... that's all

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, stingray said:

he says he finds others 'annoying' or just doesn't want to meet up 

Well in that case, maybe he finds others 'annoying' or just doesn't want to meet up?

 

I guess it's difficult to force him against his will to meet up with other kids - even if you think that's what's best for him.

 

If he's unhappy, withdrawn or sad that other kids won't come around then that sounds like an issue, but it doesn't sound like he sees it as a problem?

 

You say he's the 'life and soul' when in social situations so it doesn't sound like he's got an issue with self confidence or expressing himself. Maybe he burns all his social energy at school and clubs and just wants a bit of 'quiet time' at home in the evenings and weekends?

 

I didn't particularly want friends around my house when I was 16 and I was quite happy just seeing them during the daytime. If anything, I'd be happy he was under my supervision in in my sight at that age rather than on the streets getting up to no good.

 

As long as he's happy in general, that's all that matters I guess. He's got the rest of his life to make intimate friends but if that's not a priority for him right now then I personally wouldn't force the issue.

 

Either way, just love him best you can as a parent...

[Webbo]

6 minutes ago, stingray said:

some gaming. yes teenagers are not out like I used to be ! He's cocky around the house and teases his younger bro. but just does not realise that he upsets others I think. he does not understand others feelings  

Sounds like a typical teenager. 

 

It's a parent's job to worry about their kids, I worry about my girls all the time but in the end they'll be their own person and there's nothing we can do about it. That's life mate.

[RODNEY FERNIO]

Typical behaviour of a 16 year old by the sounds of it.

Kid sounds like he's got a lot going for him.

Don't worry he'll grow up eventually.