Bilo

You cheeky fecker! I'm more interested in the Lily Allen part of your sig to be honest though. Giggidy.

Checking my Facebook to discover 12 notifications, 10 of which turn out to be 'invites' to take a quiz on Big Brother stars, Michael Jackson and other shit. The other two are Speed Date invites for a 46 year old in Rotherham. I want proper notifications and most definitely not this horse manure.

Decidedly average really. Summers are like Groundhog Day so far as I'm concerned and my return to uni in September really can't come quickly enough.

Tried that, only lasted up to the point the horse started walking up to the bloke and had to click off because I knew what was to follow. And it was always going to be wrong. Looked at other reaction videos on Yoo Toob, ended up finding one to Tub Girl. Now that is another level entirely. That is beyond horrible, the close ups are truly the most disgusting images I've ever laid eyes on. They are bored into my retinas. EDIT: Scratch that, just seen One Man One Jar. You bastard Shrenchel.

Two Girls One Cu... Dear God, that's fooking horrible.

Getting caught in rainstorms is pretty annoying.

Glad I'm not the only one. Reassuring.

I'm only gutted when I drop into the 2:2 band, that really worries me and makes me question myself. A 2:1 would get me onto a Masters course, and that's good enough for me. (Even if I did get a First in one of my modules, and only 1% off it in another)

Gutted with a 2:1?! You're too hard on yourself Lisa.

Got my results for my first year at uni and am pretty damn pleased with a 2:1, considering how useless I was at the poetry module (convinced that was going to let me down) Really pleased with those results, considering I am as thick as two short planks.

This as well. And why do people insist on writing things like Barbara's Rent Money in the watermark?

Oi. Perhaps I should explain a bit more. I didn't know it was torn until I handed it to him. Even offering to change it for a better one was met with 'you're just trying to fob me off with a shit note.' Yes, yes it was all a cunning plot to palm off a rubbish fiver onto a complete stranger because that's the kind of thing I love to do. The only reason I get up in the morning is to hand scruffy banknotes to people.' Fucknut.

Kind of ironic on this thread, but people whinging for no good reason. Had someone moaning today because I paid them out with a torn fiver. If that's all you've got to worry about, you're having a better day than me sunshine.

Going into a room and forgetting what you went in for.

A farmer is on his driving test when the examiner asks 'Can you make a U turn?' He replies, 'No, but I can make its fucking eyes water.'

Don't you damn well start! Controversial.

No comment.

They're not very bright. It's their fault. They should go over there. Not fooking difficult is it for fook's sake?

Didier Drogba Venus Williams

They don't usually have snatch on Channel 5 till after midnight.

This. Oh, and people who can't differentiate between 'your' and 'you're.'

Thought I'd borrow it, was hoping you wouldn't notice. But it is a bloody brilliant word!

Get a pair of jeans that fits you you fooking cockwomble. The girl in the middle might get it if she said 'please' and 'thank you' though.

People bitching at you about things out of your control. I've just closed down an office for the last time and I'm sick and fooking tired of people whinging at me about the decision, as if I fooking made it. Maybe if you'd used the ****er a bit more often, we wouldn't have to close it. Oh, and people who think they know how to do your job and try to give you advice even though they've only ever been on the other side of the counter. I don't advise you on how to be a complete tossbag because I can see you do a pretty good fooking job of it yourself. Now fook off and leave me alone you fooking fook.

BREAKING NEWS: Real Madrid have withdrawn thier £80 million bid for Cristiano Ronaldo after it was discovered that big girl's blouses were available at Primark for £2.99.