Leonisco Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 "Right, everyone, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is the company have announced major cutbacks - most of you are going to lose your jobs. The good news - I've been promoted." :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Probably my fave ever Office moment. :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knighton Matt Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 “You always get the odd person who doesn’t appreciate what you’re doing, shouts silly things.†“What sort of things?†“You beardy twat. Pug-nosed gimp. Lard Boy-and I go ‘Yeah what have you ever done on telly? nothing, so don’t...’. Absolutely flabulous.†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knighton Matt Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 “If they loved me why are they throwing stuff? Throwing water, plastic bottles, underpants?! One bloke threw a pair of y-fronts, hit me in the face, and I knew it was nutella or marmite he’d smudged on the gusset. But it was still him going ‘that’s what we think of you mate. You’re shit’.†“Where did he get the marmite from? He must of prepared that from home cos he knew you were on.†“Well that doesn’t make me feel any better? Why say that?†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knighton Matt Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 “Right, her details. Her marital status: single, divorced-†“Not divorced. Nah, husband might still be around, might be a nutter. I’m not getting into all that.†“Widowed?†“I’d bloody love her to be widowed.†True fact whenever anyone asks me if I want a cuppa at work... I respond in Brent fashion in tribute to the above quote - "I'd bloody love a cup of tea!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knighton Matt Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 “I can read women. And you’ve got to know their wants and their needs, and that can be anything from making sure she’s got enough money to buy groceries each week to making sure she’s gratified sexually after intercourse.†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knighton Matt Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 “I can’t believe you got off with a bird I fancy.†“Why can’t you believe that Gareth?†“Well I can’t believe there’s a bird that fancies you over me for a start. What you...? He’s a weird little bloke, look at his cartoon face and his hair-he looks like a Fisher Price man, his rubbish clothes. Makes me think there’s something wrong with you for a start, but yet in my head, I’d still do you, so I’m confused. Alright, I’ll ask you straight. Is there anything that could happen between us two while this is going on?†“Like what?†“What, specifically?†“Yeah.†“Handjob?†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knighton Matt Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 And this has to be my personal fave... “Private life then, just to flesh out David Brent the man. Is there a better half?†“David quipped: why buy a book when you can join the library?†“So you play the field?†“Well...I don’t like using chicks and shit, but I’m just chilling out while I’m young I suppose.†“And is there a chick in tow at the moment?†“Ooh, I don’t kiss and tell.†“I’m just trying to find out if you’re in a relationship at the moment.†“Brent says: no comment.†“Right, so you don’t have a girlfriend?†“Well, what is a girlfriend?†“I don’t know, someone you’d have sex with?†“Alright don’t get coarse, in a magazine for the public. I don’t think you’ll win a Pulitzer, for filth.†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knighton Matt Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 But this is also great... I could go on forever!! “What’s your biggest disappointment?†“Alton Towers.†“Oh, I’ve never been.†“It’s rubbish, next.†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalRobboFOX Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 Brent.... 'Yeahhh I've travelled' Gareth.... 'You.... travelled?? Where??' Brent.... 'I've travelled' Gareth.... 'Where??' Brent.... 'er... Hull...' Gareth.... 'Hull?? Thats not travelling' Brent.... 'Well I had to travel to get there, it didn't come to me, ''Oh look here comes Hull down the motorway....'' ' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalRobboFOX Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 'absolutely mental...... well, not really mental, that wouldn't work in accounts........' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalRobboFOX Posted 31 January 2007 Share Posted 31 January 2007 'hi this is keith...................today I will be at training today......' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lookwhaticando Posted 1 February 2007 Share Posted 1 February 2007 "Right, everyone, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is the company have announced major cutbacks - most of you are going to lose your jobs. The good news - I've been promoted." :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Probably my fave ever Office moment. :thumbsup: Love the follow-up after the argument about the good/bad/indifferent news. Brent: You know how there's only seven people on the board.. [pause] nah, forget it. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo V Posted 1 February 2007 Share Posted 1 February 2007 Finch: Give me half hour with her I'd be up to me nuts in guts. DBLWell, that's not for us to say. But I can type in, say, 'sex... fetish'. It takes a little while. There. two thousand, two hundred and thirty matches. Just click on one, at random. Aaaagh, there. 'Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs'. Now, you don't punish anyone, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs. Embarassingly I have used that one when out about town with the lads! Its quite sad that I go around quoting stuff like this. I cant stop calling people "soft sod" or "you laaaaaaaaaaazy sod" from Jim Royale and the Royale Family but even worse is doing my Graham Taylor impressions from his video "Do I not like that". Walking around telling people to "hit les", "demand it" and "you talk till yer blue in the face" is usally met by silence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lookwhaticando Posted 1 February 2007 Share Posted 1 February 2007 My dad and I just cannot converse like normal people. We've seen too many comedies and every day phrases and words trigger quotes from a variety of comedies - Coupling, The Office, Royle Family, Fast Show, etc etc. The Office is probably the worst for it, as my dad works from home most of the time - so it's relevant (almost). Also, every time he wishes me luck on a test or exam, he says "Good luck" and I shoot back with "don't need luck when you've got 71.4% of the population behind you!" 5/7 is a fraction whose value to 3 decimal places I will not forget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo V Posted 1 February 2007 Share Posted 1 February 2007 My dad and I just cannot converse like normal people. We've seen too many comedies and every day phrases and words trigger quotes from a variety of comedies - Coupling, The Office, Royle Family, Fast Show, etc etc. The Office is probably the worst for it, as my dad works from home most of the time - so it's relevant (almost). Also, every time he wishes me luck on a test or exam, he says "Good luck" and I shoot back with "don't need luck when you've got 71.4% of the population behind you!" 5/7 is a fraction whose value to 3 decimal places I will not forget. Whats worse is when my sister brings her kids round mate as I have turned them into a couple of nutters. The two kids are aged 7 and 8 (girl and boy) and are confident loud little Londoners. But over the years they have become Leicesterfied due to me andmy brother and not only do the poor sods have the Leicester accent down to a tee (my accent is London too but I lived in Leicester years back) but on queue, I get them to sing Leicester songs from the old days in particular, like Super Stevie Claridge to hes here, he`s there Stevie Walsh. My brother-in-law isnt impressed as I have practically converted them to two Leicester loving kids despite his constant moaning to follow Spurs! They can name more City players than Yids!! I think I have issues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lookwhaticando Posted 1 February 2007 Share Posted 1 February 2007 Issues or no issues, so long as you can get them to support the mighty foxes... We're desperate for new fans to fill our shiny big stadium. Unless of course we do what I suggested and switch to Welford Road... then we could do with shedding a few punters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surrifox Posted 1 February 2007 Share Posted 1 February 2007 " Where did this dildo come from? She says it's not hers and I for one believe her" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Libertine Posted 1 February 2007 Share Posted 1 February 2007 Brent Soundboard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PegguyArphexad Posted 23 May 2011 Share Posted 23 May 2011 There's been a rape up there. Always get there attention! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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