Nationwider Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 I'd like some good advice, please. I've not got a particular subject in mind.... just whatever good advice you have that springs to mind. Thank you.
The People's Hero Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 Don't put new shoes on a table. Put them on your feet. But then don't stand on any tables. Basically, if you're a tabledancer (which I assume you are) don't buy new shoes. Ever.
Nationwider Posted 26 March 2007 Author Posted 26 March 2007 Noted. Excellent.... who's next. I'm writing this down for my forthcoming almanac.
Nationwider Posted 26 March 2007 Author Posted 26 March 2007 Basically, if you're a tabledancer (which I assume you are).... Uncanny. Freelancing was my big mistake though. I'm currently working at Burger King and I'm getting funny looks and people putting ketchup sachets in my thong. <_<
The People's Hero Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 Look before you leap, unless you're blind in which case you should ask a friend to look for you, read a braille description of what lies ahead of you (if and where available) or simply refrain from leaping at all.
Leonisco Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 It is always easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Leonisco Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 The Peoples Hero.. what a willy puller what a willy puller This knob not been banned yet? Come on Mods, stop slacking and get to it.
The People's Hero Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 Why ban them? They are making a right nob of themselves and it's hilarious.
Wils Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 Why ban them? They are making a right nob of themselves and it's hilarious.
Leicfox Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her thong underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car. My future mother & father-in-laws were standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Leonisco Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her thong underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car. My future mother & father-in-laws were standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. :laugh: Brilliant!
Daggers Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 The best advice is "never give anyone advice, ever".
OriginalRobboFOX Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her thong underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car. My future mother & father-in-laws were standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. You went to watch Paddy McGuiness too then....
Simi Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 You went to watch Paddy McGuiness too then.... Damn. Beat me to it.
OriginalRobboFOX Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 Never use a well known comedians jokes and pass them off as your own.....
Leicfox Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 You went to watch Paddy McGuiness too then.... Actually i didn't and never knew he told it, i got it from a jokes site with no mention of McGuiness... Its a cracker though.
lildave3 Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 You went to watch Paddy McGuiness too then.... I knew i knew that joke from somewhere.
lookwhaticando Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 I knew i knew that joke from somewhere. It must be a nice change from all the "how's the weather down there?" jokes.
Wils Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 It must be a nice change from all the "how's the weather down there?" jokes. Last to no when its raining.
the_bowman Posted 26 March 2007 Posted 26 March 2007 Never test the depth of a river with both feet...
Zingari Posted 28 March 2007 Posted 28 March 2007 Never-ever-bloody-anything-ever! (Mr Jolly Lives Next Door)
Fez of Mahrez Posted 28 March 2007 Posted 28 March 2007 Look out for my forthcoming book "How to go to the toilet wearing just a smock, attached to a drip you're holding with your left hand while with your right hand holding a bottle draining blood directly from a pipe sticking into your neck"
The People's Hero Posted 28 March 2007 Posted 28 March 2007 Just another in your... "..... wearing just a smock" series of bestsellers. I look forward to received a (free?) signed copy.
Fez of Mahrez Posted 28 March 2007 Posted 28 March 2007 Just another in your... "..... wearing just a smock" series of bestsellers. I look forward to received a (free?) signed copy. I'll have to dig out number #24 in the series, "How to sign a book while wearing just a smock".
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.