SouthStandUpperTier

Bold choice. That screamer for Hereford against Newcastle in the Cup was over 50 years ago now.

The weirdos banging on about Palmer and Foden have gone very quiet. Both would have done two-thirds of the square root of Sweet Fanny Adams at this World Cup if they'd been selected.

They are. But we ain't beating France or Spain.

Even our national anthem is less of a dirge than Wonderwall.

We can probably shithouse our way past Argentina or Switzerland, but I don't think we'd have a prayer against either France or Spain.

Toney will be the choice if pens are likely.

Who can Tuchel bring on so he has someone to constantly berate for doing everything wrong?

Tuchel has a chubby-on for him going back to his Chelsea days.

Reece James to come on and get injured immediately.

Don't even think they're that ambitious. Looks like they're playing for penalties to me.

As much as I dislike FIFA and Infantino, I'm not sure they can be blamed for the Egyptian goalkeeper having hands made of Ryvita.

I'll have the House Special Chow-mein please. Sorry, thought I was in my local Chinese restaurant. Looks just like the wallpaper in there.

They also changed the offside rule just after Italia '90, so that being level with the last defender was onside, whereas before it was offside.

If he's a £120m player then I must be at least £80m.

Don't want to look at Tuchel's serial killer vibe anyway.

We'd be winning this handsomely if the goalkeepers had swapped sides before kickoff.

You're wrong...as always.

Madueke shouldn't be there I'll give you that. But that doesn't mean Foden and Palmer should be.

Neither had done anything all season for club or country to warrant selection. Tuchel gave them both plenty of opportunities.

Something every stoner has uttered at some point - "where did I put Maya Joint?"

Oh for the halcyon days of Jeremy Bates. Always good for a run to the 3rd round was our JB.

This genuinely seems like a fever dream... https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/articles/cr475x3wplro Fuchs blows kiss to bowler after smashing six into river on cricket debut Jonty Colman BBC Sport journalist On the same weekend that Ben Stokes announced his retirement from international cricket, a former Premier League winner was staking his claim as an all-rounder. Ten years after helping Leicester City complete a 5000-1 fairytale run to the title, Austrian Christian Fuchs had a cricket debut to remember. The 40-year-old took two wickets, contributed to a run out and blew a kiss to a bowler after smashing him for six into a river. But while Stokes was saying his England goodbyes at Trent Bridge, Fuchs was saying hello at Bridge Field in Derbyshire, turning out for Grindleford in a Sunday friendly against Riverside Notts. "The umpire said 'go easy on him, it's his first game'," said 23-year-old delivery driver Hasan Mahmood, the Riverside Notts bowler who got away with two dot balls and a wide before being carted over the boundary. Mahmood may have been told to go easy on Fuchs, but the Austrian took his chance when faced with a full toss and then jokingly blew a kiss at Mahmood. "I didn't mean to bowl a full toss to him. It just happened," Mahmood told BBC Sport. "Next thing you know, I get whacked for a six." "It ended up in the river next to the [ground]. I'm surprised he didn't make me go and get it." A day before turning out for Derbyshire village side, Fuchs had resigned from his role as head coach of Newport County. While Fuchs' first senior managerial role saw him win just nine of 31 matches in charge of the Exiles, he got off to a victorious start in cricket whites. Bowling first, Fuchs returned figures of 2-20 from his 3.2 overs and also contributed to a run out as Grindleford dismissed Riverside Notts for 150. "His bowling, he was throwing it but it was alright," Mahmood laughed. "It was his first game, so it is what it is. We gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn't say anything to him." During the run chase, Fuchs batted at number six, scoring 12 runs off 18 deliveries, including a four and that six as Grindleford triumphed by one wicket. "When he got out, he was chatting to all of us. He was a very, very nice guy," added Mahmood. "It was a surprise to actually see him there because it was so random. It's a random game on a Sunday and we just see a Premier League winner there." Fuchs is not the only former footballer who has swapped between the two sports later on in life. Former England goalkeeper Nigel Martyn plays for Cornwall's over-50s side. Ex-Liverpool and Manchester City midfielder Dietmar Hamann once represented Cheshire side Alderley Edge's second team while still contracted at City. Current Leeds United midfielder Sean Longstaff is also spending his summer break playing for Tynemouth in Division 1 of the North East Premier League. During his football career, Fuchs made more than 650 appearances for club and country that included six seasons at the King Power Stadium. As well as winning both the Premier League and the FA Cup, Fuchs won 78 caps for Austria and was captain at Euro 2016.

Something long-winded, tuneless, with bat-sh*t crazy lyrics. Works for Paquador...