Vowels

What prompted this was an IT guy wanting me to explain some IT thing to him, which someone is his IT department had changed on our systems. A simple misunderstanding probably, but some of your stories have been excellent so I'm glad I asked.

You're phrasing has ruined a tired old joke I planned to make. Can we have another try? Hang on, I'll line you up. Is any female going with you?

This reminds me of another one which was such a colossal waste of time about a missing tuna sandwich. This was sent mid-afternoon and included something along the lines of 'if the sandwich is returned, there will be no further action taken' as if whoever had taken it wouldn't have just eaten it. They inspected everyone's bins for the foil! People were defending themselves 'well, I went out for lunch', 'I don't even like tuna', 'I have a gluten allergy, I don't eat bread'. Guess who was told to use the company credit card to go to the shops and buy her a tuna sandwich and a box of chocolates? Bingo. I later found out that she found the sandwich at home on the side and just hadn't brought it in. There was no follow up email to apologise. Why are people like this? If someone is stealing your sandwiches, its fairly obvious you keep your mouth shut and just make some rogue sandwiches with ridiculously spicy sauce or gone-off meat inside. Unnecessary comment; this woman was the dirtiest, scruffiest person I've ever worked with and if I was in sandwich-stealing mood (I've never stolen a sandwich yet, feel like I haven't lived) then I would definitely not have stolen her sandwich.

This one is gold.

Any input on the staplers/bulbs ? Can cross post to staplerstalk and bulbstalk. All seems very lcfc around here. Obligatory Leicester comment: Muzzy Izzet. What a man. People rave about the Grimsby goal but those in the know know that the Watford header was the one.

That is actually a power move and worth a warning

Granted; this is niche. What’s the most bizarre work email you’ve ever had ? I once received one in a previous job where I was asked by someone not even senior to me to stop prefacing questions in meetings with ‘riddle me this…’ and threatening me with a written warning if I persisted.

Sheffield.

I saw some alpacas recently and they were absolutely vile creatures. I wouldn't want to play football against them. I'd go further and play Hermansen, BEK and 9 various four legged aggressive beasts. Could you go as far as a buffalo? We are going down with a whimper so we might as well have a laugh and troll the football league. I wonder how tempted Ruud is just to play 11 kids. I reserve a significant amount of vitriol for Faes and Winks and Vestergaard. I feel sorry for James Justin. I shouldn't but I do. I'm indifferent towards all the rest of them. I don't even think BEK and Hermansen are all that special in the cold light of day, but maybe I'm expecting too much. In that West Ham game BEK just constantly gave the ball away even trying to play simple passes. I genuinely don't have anything at all positive to say other than that I hope JV gets his 200 goals and then writes an absolute monster of a book about this absolute shambles. I even found out recently that Kasper is an absolute prize be11end. Beyond what we all knew before. A proper pr1ck. I'm going to have some beans on toast because whilst opening the door for a delivery of my dog's food, my dog has eaten my pizza. Whoever recommended that pizza place in Clarendon Park area - thank you. I went there and it was absolutely lovely. Didn't take the dog. Wonder if Vestergaard wants another dog. Whilst I'm here and getting all my thoughts in one post, can anyone give me some advice on the following: 1) Is it weird to have 2 duvets on one bed to prevent the wife and I fighting over it and arguing which TOG to go for? 2) If you had a choice between a BMW3 series and a Maserati Ghibli and you were a 41 year old d1ckhead, which would you go for? For context, I don't drive far and have a bad back. 3) Does anyone know anything about Manchester and Sheffield? I will be spending time in both cities, 3 nights in Manc and 2 in Sheff. What should I do? I am going to a music festival called Get Together in Sheffield. I'm 41. Presumably I'll hate it? 4) My doctor keeps telling me my liver something is high; some indicators from blood tests. I've had liver scans and the lady genuinely said its one of the healthiest lives she's seen (I mean, thanks for the compliment, but I did find it a bit weird. She also told me my trainers were cool which I was happier with). Am I potentially dying? What could be wrong with me? Do I need to start thinking about who to give the impressive collection of books I've never read to? 5) Lavender can basically send me straight to sleep. Does this happen to anyone else? Can someone clever explain to me how this could possibly work? 6) Why on earth do staples for standard staplers come in very slightly different sizes? WHY? And how do I work out what staples to actually buy? This annoys me almost as much as screw in vs bayonet bulbs? Why? 7) Is Hawksmoor really awesome? I swear by Goodmans and need to take someone for a lunch in the City next week? Also, which Boisdale is best and is there a better cigar/whisky/wine place in the City I should be trying? That's all from me. I'm going to enjoy my beans on toast now and then go and watch some non-league football. Have a think about the Buffalo idea, Ric. Also my wife really enjoyed the podcast and said 'who is the sensible one?' I said Jordan but I don't know if he's sensible. Can you confirm? It might have been relative to you, though. She enjoys listening to the pod and always asks me 'is this octostacker' guy. Finally, who is actually behind the constant hburton75897384738 and other random number accounts?

Something something clean sheets.

Here's hoping against hope we see some real desire, backbone, a smidgen of quality and a bit of luck. Got to get some momentum from somewhere.

Fingers crossed. I know there is some doubt over Vardy; but let's hope he turns it on today.

We feel just as close to turning it round with a bit of fortune reinforcing some decent starts to games, or shipping 5 or 6 and falling apart.

This is my fault as I'd made arrangements with family and friends around attending this.

'Lost' but never 'forgotten'.

You'd think so, but a lot of it will be discussed prior to any hearing. That's the way the legal system works here in the UK and presumably elsewhere; especially with these huge organisations.

I reckon we could sign Captain Planet and still get relegated.

I know its not the main reason, but have you ever really looked in drains (I doubt it - why would you?) Seems to me they don't get cleared much and are often absolutely filled with silt, grit from road gritting, leaves, rubbish etc etc.

Nah. We're not limited to just burning down one thing. If there's others, we can burn down their stuff too.

Exactly. Even a 2 point deduction might as well be 100. Let's take our medicine all at once. In fact, we should offer 500 point deduction this year providing we can start next season on 100 points; and that we are guaranteed no points deduction for four seasons.

We need Pearson to take the manager's job there and take the players out to Thailand.

We can't be too far off just asking for a 100 point deduction on the basis that the slate is wiped clean and the PL and EFL promise never to mention it again.

I'm sure the players can find some women to 'take it up the Tom Hopper' in La Manga. Especially with the kind of confidence, charm and appeal that comes with being completely b0ll0x3d.

Agreed. We should also get a shed load of booze and cocktail of drugs in the players and send them out to La Manga in full kit. If we're going to fu ck this up, we might as well do it properly.

David Lowe wants to know which camp you've put him in? Sees himself more as a troubador, apparently; but doesn't like 'journeyman'.