john_lcfc Posted 19 April 2006 Author Posted 19 April 2006 what did one traffic light say to the other? dont look im changing...... what did the see say to the shore? nothing it just waved ##and.. why did the octopus cringe? because the sea weed
The People's Hero Posted 19 April 2006 Posted 19 April 2006 Three men off Foxtalk were sleeping together in the same bed. In the morning they started discussing their dreams. The man on the right said 'I had a dream that I was getting a hand job,' The man on the left said, 'I had a dream that I was getting a hand job too.' Then the man in the middle said. 'That's really weird, I had a dream that I was skiing.' Is that a true story Hop? ps how was your ski-ing holiday?
Random Burglar Posted 20 April 2006 Posted 20 April 2006 Q: Why should you never buy Russian underpants? A: Chernobyl fallout
Rincewind Posted 20 April 2006 Posted 20 April 2006 An escaped convict breaks into a house and ties up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had the chance he turned to his voluptuous wife who was wearing nothing but a flimsy nightdress and said. 'Listen love this man hasn't seen a women in years so just cooperate with him. If he wants to shag you then let him, it may save our lives.' The wife turned to her husband and whispered, 'Darling, I'm so relieved you feel that way because he has just told me he thinks you have a great arse.'
john_lcfc Posted 21 April 2006 Author Posted 21 April 2006 what does DNA stand doe? national dyslexic association
joyceys barmy army Posted 24 April 2006 Posted 24 April 2006 What do you say to a constipated cat? Have a break, have a sh*t cat!
Rincewind Posted 24 April 2006 Posted 24 April 2006 Notice in a clairvoyance's window 'Psychic meeting cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.'
john_lcfc Posted 25 April 2006 Author Posted 25 April 2006 my wifes going to the west indies. jamaica no she wanted to go
Cobbo Posted 25 April 2006 Posted 25 April 2006 A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife's lying on the bed and says 'this is the pig I've been shagging' 'that's not a pig, it's a sheep' says his wife, a little confused. To which he replies 'I was talking to the sheep www.rolleyes.gif
Unit Posted 25 April 2006 Posted 25 April 2006 I went for a Lebanese curry... Came back with the shiites (pronounced she-ites, it's that group that do stuff with the other groups in iraq and stuff.... political.. yeah...)
davieG Posted 25 April 2006 Posted 25 April 2006 I went for a Lebanese curry... Came back with the shiites (pronounced she-ites, it's that group that do stuff with the other groups in iraq and stuff.... political.. yeah...) First off if you have to explain a joke it just aint funny. But on the plus side this thread now stinks and has, I'm glad to say replaced mine as one of the worst ever
The People's Hero Posted 25 April 2006 Posted 25 April 2006 First off if you have to explain a joke it just aint funny. But on the plus side this thread now stinks and has, I'm glad to say replaced mine as one of the worst ever If he hadn't explained it, most people on here just wouldn't have got it though.
davieG Posted 25 April 2006 Posted 25 April 2006 If he hadn't explained it, most people on here just wouldn't have got it though. You could be right, you don't happen to know where I can find that awful embarassing thread I started?
The People's Hero Posted 25 April 2006 Posted 25 April 2006 Hehe. I can't remember mate! Can't even remember what it was about to be honest with you. Fairly certain it was in General Chat though.
Head Honcho Posted 25 April 2006 Posted 25 April 2006 Hehe. I can't remember mate! Can't even remember what it was about to be honest with you. Fairly certain it was in General Chat though. You got me interested now so come on find this supposedly awful thread
Head Honcho Posted 25 April 2006 Posted 25 April 2006 Duck walks into the butchers and says got any fish, butcher says I sell meat not fish try next door, next day the duck walks back into the butchers and says got any fish, butcher is well pissed off now and says to the duck now look here beaky I told you yesterday I'm a butcher I sell meat not fish if you come back in here again asking for fish I'm gonna nail that beak to the counter, next day duck goes into the butchers again and says got any nails butcher says no, duck says got any fish!!
Northants Fox Posted 26 April 2006 Posted 26 April 2006 Went to the cash machine the other day and this little old lady asked me to check her balance, so i pushed her over. When i was a lad, there was a huge German Sheperd in our neighbourhood that used to walk past our house every morning and do his business in our garden. Sometimes he brought his dog with him.
Head Honcho Posted 26 April 2006 Posted 26 April 2006 Went to the cash machine the other day and this little old lady asked me to check her balance, so i pushed her over. When i was a lad, there was a huge German Sheperd in our neighbourhood that used to walk past our house every morning and do his business in our garden. Sometimes he brought his dog with him. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: To both
Manwell Pablo Posted 26 April 2006 Posted 26 April 2006 A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar is trialling the latest technology - a robot bartender, so the robot pours him the perfect pint, which impresses the man. The robot then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, bio mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot so he walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him a perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, rugby, supermodels, favourite foods, guns, and women's body parts. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and then decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "er . . . about 50, I think." And the robot says. . . . real slowly . . . . "So. . . . who . . . do . . . you . . . lot . . think . . . you . . . will. . . . get . . . to . . . replace . . . . Gary...... Megson . . . then ? "
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.