Nationwider Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 Notwithstanding the fact that car accidents are awfully serious, and can lead to death and destruction, they are bloody hilarious. A quailty thread, this! An acquaintance of mine failed his first driving test after being asked to go straight over the next roundabout. Paralysed by fear, he actually drove over it rather than taking the second exit straight on. Every time I drive down Epinal Way in Loughborough, I laugh at the numpty! (and he was a numpty).
Thracian Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 After I've had my teatime I will regale you with the story of how my mother-in-law lost her license... Car licence I presume - or is this a smutty story?
Ricey Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 What did you do? Don't tell me. You parked in a mother and child only space! I parked something, but it wasn't a car.
Daggers Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 Car license I presume - or is this a smutty story? So, [God rest her soul for she was a lovely woman] here is how Jen lost her license. My mother-in-law had a drink problem, but fortunately for her she was surrounded by others with equally stupid habits. At the surgery she worked at, as a receptionist, at least three of the other doctors enjoyed a tipple or two. It came as no surprise when she told us she was going to a party at the doctors house. At the doctors house they drank gins with a hint of tonic until it was possible to imbibe no more. At home time Jenny [for that was her name] got the keys from her bag and made to go to the door. "Hang on a minute" is something one of the doctors probably said "because in this house there are six doctors, each of us having spent 7 years at university, I am sure we can come up with a better idea for getting you home." And then he probably said something like "Hic!" or "Burp!" So, with the combined intelligence that 42 years of university education can bestow on medical students they devised a plan, a clever plan, a plan of Baldrick proportions it was so damn clever. Doctor A [drunk] was to climb into his car with doctors B and C, Jenny was to sit in her car alone while following up in the rear was Doctors D [with E and F for company]. This three car convoy was their idea of how to beat the problem of driving drunk. The task was to drive the mile and a half home in convoy. There were only a few junctions to navigate and there were six doctors - what could go wrong? Maybe the question should have been - when could it go wrong? The answer would have been brief...the first junction. At the T-junction, Doctor A pulled to a halt in order to look left and right before turning right. Maybe, if he had consulted his mirror and looked behind him, he should have been more concerned about a third aspect. BANG! Jenny drove slap bang into the rear of the good Doctors car, and if I know doctors then it probably cost a pretty penny. According to Doctors B and C, (who by now were looking out of the rear of the car going "What the fukc was that?!") Jenny was startled by the collision and immediately threw the car into reverse to pull away from Doc A's car. Doctor C (remember), like the other people in this story, was pretty drunk. He was driving his car with the remaining Doc's, pulling up the rear. Maybe if he had been sober he would have had time to brake or take evasive action. Maybe. The next thing Doc C knows is that Jenny's car has just placed itself into his front end as if they were in a destruction derby. Doc A, B and C were out of their car by this stage. This was another error of judgement on their part, as if the catalogue could not be extended any further. Jenny must have lost the plot at the point of the second accident. Her gin-addled brain slammed the car back into first, sent the car screaming forward again and an unknown number of doctors flying through the air of their own volition in order to escape her. She sailed across the T-junction, vaulted a ditch and dived into a hedge. All six doctors probably collected at this point by the T-junction, looking at their cars and wondering just what had gone wrong with their plan. They probably looked over the road at the hole in the hedge and pondered as to whether Jenny lay just on the other side. Jenny was, in fact careering across a field until, at the last moment she saw a another hedge. She managed to slam the car 90 degrees until the whole process repeated itself. One guesses that by the third time this occured she was leaving it until the last moment to effect the change of direction ... but mistimed it. She went through the hedge, back across a ditch, hit the road and then spun the car 90 degrees. Six doctors were now peering into the darkness through the hole in the hedge Jenny had left. One hopes that they turned around to see a car (damaged at front and rear, sporting a collection of hedge twigs) scream past them. The car headed towards another T-junction, opposite the junction lay a sub-station. . . . . When the police arrived at the electricity sub-station, the affected part of the town now in blackout, they were surprised to discover six doctors already in attendance. Postscript: From that day Jenny never drove again, but she did join AA and battled to beat the booze. The story of how she lost her license was retold over many Sunday lunchtime pub sessions. I do not condone drink driving.
Your Mom Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 The best write off I had was when I hit an electricians van in Orlingbury. His van ended up on the middle of the green [where the last wolf in England was shot]. He opened his rear doors, he used to have rack upon rack of tiny electrical stuff on the walls of his van. I tried not to laugh when he opened the doors and this flood of coloured plastic ran out. Oh, how hilarious! You could have killed a man, ruining not only his, but his wife and his childrens life, and you most likely caused him hundreds of pounds in damages! Well done!
Daggers Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 Oh, how hilarious! You could have killed a man, ruining not only his, but his wife and his childrens life, and you most likely caused him hundreds of pounds in damages! Well done! Eat me
Daggers Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 I eat ****s like you for breakfast I'd have thought you'd be too busy trying to eat your own dick...
Katy Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 Oh, how hilarious! You could have killed a man, ruining not only his, but his wife and his childrens life, and you most likely caused him hundreds of pounds in damages! Well done! Are you restricted to a max of 5 words per line or something?
Your Mom Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 Are you restricted to a max of 5 words per line or something? They are enjambments for my own pleasure.
Master Fox Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 I took this snap down the local dogging site! Nice eh???
Master Fox Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 she's built for comfort not speed Shortly after this bloke turned up!
Daggers Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 Shortly after this bloke turned up! I've told you MF ... the court order bans you from taking photo's of me. If you don't stop it I'll get your camera confiscated.
Master Fox Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 I've told you MF ... the court order bans you from taking photo's of me. If you don't stop it I'll get your camera confiscated. Never!! My camera cannot be taken away.
Daggers Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 Never!! My camera cannot be taken away. You go to all the best parties
Master Fox Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 You go to all the best parties Indeed I do Bob, expect nothing less from your old friend Master Fox from down the way
Knighton Matt Posted 20 July 2006 Author Posted 20 July 2006 Oh, how hilarious! You could have killed a man, ruining not only his, but his wife and his childrens life, and you most likely caused him hundreds of pounds in damages! Well done! Show some respect to the wolf for f**ks sake.
Cat Bụrger Posted 20 July 2006 Posted 20 July 2006 Show some respect to the wolf for f**ks sake. Go fock yourself.
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