Knighton Matt Posted 18 July 2006 Posted 18 July 2006 ...Now's the time to own up. My mate has pleasured himself whilst stuck in traffic and had a wee in a plastic bottle whilst travelling up the M1. And this isn't one of those 'my mates did this' and it actually means that I did. I can assure you I didn't! It was genuinely one of my mates! He doth protest too much squire!
Daggers Posted 18 July 2006 Posted 18 July 2006 My mate has ... Your mate....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
Head Honcho Posted 18 July 2006 Posted 18 July 2006 ...Now's the time to own up. My mate has pleasured himself whilst stuck in traffic and had a wee in a plastic bottle whilst travelling up the M1. And this isn't one of those 'my mates did this' and it actually means that I did. I can assure you I didn't! It was genuinely one of my mates! He doth protest too much squire! .........your mate it is then
macbeth Posted 18 July 2006 Posted 18 July 2006 i once stuck my arse out of the window at a garage to get a reduced petrol price
SystonFox Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 nothing i will admit to on here. and i would never pleasure myself in my car.
Deathside Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 Have you ever done anything you shouldn't have in your car... 72MPH on the M1 Seriously - Have you seen my car? - There's not a whole lot apart from drive that you can do in it
macbeth Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 i once saw a lady shouting at her car..........." stay there stay there , i'll be back soon" so i said to her " try putting the handbrake on luv" it was only as i got closer that i saw that she was shouting to her dog on the back seat!!!
Ultra Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 Has nobody crashed then, or knocked anyone/anything down?
Head Honcho Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 Morrisons car park, Skegness. What did you do? Don't tell me. You parked in a mother and child only space!
DanTheFoxBhoy Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 I got randy on the Calder freeway one arvo so decided to slap the carrot... I suggested it to a mate who was stupid enough to do it in town, and he had to pull over for a breath check and the copper looked at him sideways after he was obviously frantically stuffing something back into his pants
Thracian Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 I sneaked a brand new office mini in a banger race at Alwalton once which nearly cost me my job!
Knighton Matt Posted 19 July 2006 Author Posted 19 July 2006 Morrisons car park, Skegness. Was Collymore there as well or was he a no show as he was foolishly looking for Safeway not realising they had been taken over?
Thracian Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 I got randy on the Calder freeway one arvo so decided to slap the carrot... I suggested it to a mate who was stupid enough to do it in town, and he had to pull over for a breath check and the copper looked at him sideways after he was obviously frantically stuffing something back into his pants I'd love to have to stuff it back in my pants!. I only have to let go and it would flop back in with space to spare!!! I asked for a snake charmer's kit one Christmas but even that didn't work.
filbertway Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 I'd love to have to stuff it back in my pants!. I only have to let go and it would flop back in with space to spare!!! I asked for a snake charmer's kit one Christmas but even that didn't work. Why did you have to go there
Daggers Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 Has nobody crashed then, or knocked anyone/anything down? In my first [sales rep] job, for a leading cereal company based in Burton Latimer, I managed to write off four cars in four weeks. For some reason they then gave me a brand new Vauxhall which I drove carefully to my girlfriends in Wellingborough. Next, I drove carefully into the town centre to get some money, carefully parked, carefully reversed out and carefully removed the rear bumper on a concrete bollard. I believe I was called a fukcing fukcwit cnut by the transport manager. The best write off I had was when I hit an electricians van in Orlingbury. His van ended up on the middle of the green [where the last wolf in England was shot]. He opened his rear doors, he used to have rack upon rack of tiny electrical stuff on the walls of his van. I tried not to laugh when he opened the doors and this flood of coloured plastic ran out.
Knighton Matt Posted 19 July 2006 Author Posted 19 July 2006 In my first [sales rep] job, for a leading cereal company based in Burton Latimer, I managed to write off four cars in four weeks. For some reason they then gave me a brand new Vauxhall which I drove carefully to my girlfriends in Wellingborough. Next, I drove carefully into the town centre to get some money, carefully parked, carefully reversed out and carefully removed the rear bumper on a concrete bollard. I believe I was called a fukcing fukcwit cnut by the transport manager. The best write off I had was when I hit an electricians van in Orlingbury. His van ended up on the middle of the green [where the last wolf in England was shot]. He opened his rear doors, he used to have rack upon rack of tiny electrical stuff on the walls of his van. I tried not to laugh when he opened the doors and this flood of coloured plastic ran out. This is such as awesome story I think I might go and take some LSD to see if I can rival it... It's the bit about the wolf I love the most. Random as you like!
Thracian Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 My youngest sister was always cracking entertainment when it came to her driving. I used to run a squash club in a massive upmarket caravan park. Anyway it was midwinter and the snow lay a foot deep all over the park. In his warm office that morning the landowners accountant had proudly showed me his latest aerial publicity picture of the caravans all lined up neatly in chevron shaped lines as far as the eye could see. While we were drinking coffee and looking at the picture in his panoramic office overlooking the site there was an almighty crash. My sister, who lived on site, had totally ignored the snowcovered tarmac road around the park and instead (unaware of any witnesses) had careered full throttle across the virgin snow that covered the grassland site. Finally she tried to execute her first ever handbrake turn, completely lost control, and with no other car in sight for miles, somehow aquaplaned into first one brand new caravan, rebounded on to another, flipped on her side and rolled into a third. As I said to the accountant. Thank God the publicity photo had already been done!. Guess what she does now? Sells car insurance! Funny old world.
Daggers Posted 19 July 2006 Posted 19 July 2006 This is such as awesome story I think I might go and take some LSD to see if I can rival it... It's the bit about the wolf I love the most. Random as you like! After I've had my teatime I will regale you with the story of how my mother-in-law lost her license...
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