Daggers Posted 2 June 2007 Posted 2 June 2007 Dear Helpdesk. I have problem. What is the point in Driving Theory? Driving is a dangerous activity and I don't see how reading about it helps. Does anyone take Swimming Theory? Is there Drug Dealing with Automatic Weapons 101? Would anyone read a book to tell them how to use the sharp instruments in a kitchen to make a cake? Well, OK, maybe someone would read a book for the cake-thing...but for the rest of them 'No there is not!' So, having clearly stated the problem I shall re-state it a second time: What is the point in Driving Theory? Thanks Lea Moaned Key Player Irrelevant Posting Department [email protected] Dial: 111-fish
lookwhaticando Posted 2 June 2007 Posted 2 June 2007 Dear Helpdesk.I have problem. What is the point in Driving Theory? Driving is a dangerous activity and I don't see how reading about it helps. Does anyone take Swimming Theory? Is there Drug Dealing with Automatic Weapons 101? Would anyone read a book to tell them how to use the sharp instruments in a kitchen to make a cake? Well, OK, maybe someone would read a book for the cake-thing...but for the rest of them 'No there is not!' So, having clearly stated the problem I shall re-state it a second time: What is the point in Driving Theory? Thanks Lea Moaned Key Player Irrelevant Posting Department [email protected] Dial: 111-fish User, Driving Theory was invented in a vain and desperate attempt to keep dangerous lunatics off the road. The theory being that dangerous lunatics are generally pretty stupid, and tend to fail any test they happen upon. This scheme has proved largely ineffective, as the dangerous lunatics found a way around the system... they did what's known as "study". Study can be a wonderful thing, in moderation, as I'm sure you're aware - it can enhance your ability to remember really really boring stuff... but it can hurt. Sadly, dangerous lunatics are accustomed to pain. Indeed they have been so ever since they were dropped on their head at birth -and it went downhill from there. Thanks to the carrot of dangerous lunacy on the roads, they ate the stick of Driving Theory and thus was born some of the world's most ineffective drivers. In summary, Driving is more dangerous than swimming, or cake baking, so in an attempt to make the world of driving safe they invented Driving Theory in an attempt to deter the dangerous lunatics. Sadly it failed, and now we're stuck with it... as well as some pretty awful drivers. The world we live in... - Herr Helfendesken
Daggers Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear Helpdesk. I actually have real problem. Some people that I don't really know seem to want me to play a game of football with them. My problem is this: I do not have a left or right boot, socks, shorts, shirt, kit bag, shin pads but I do have two knees that got busted and stopped me from playing football. Should I be honest and tell them or should I keep schtum and let them find out the hard way that I am like Billy the Fish without the hands, agility or looks? Oh, and I also have the visual acuity of Gordon Banks with the wrong eye closed. Thanks L Dodgy keeper Department of Pointing [email protected] Dial: 0898-davidjames
Blue Fox Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear Help desk, How are you? Thank you for providing this valuable service. Now I have personal problem so first of all can I be assured that this is all confidential I would hate for people to see me walking around and to be aware that I'm so desperate that I've had to resort to you for a solution. This is the situation, no matter what the weather, hot or cold, what clothes I wear, man made or natural fibres, loose or close fitting it always with me. Sometimes it's so bad people look at me, men and women, why they look there I've no idea but they really must think I've wet myself. I find it really depressing, no one wants to know me, it's been years since I've been groped, I've tried everything known to man and women and in between, to put an end to this constant dampener on my life. People who are just wet behind the ears should consider themselves lucky they haven't got what I've got. Please help me in my hour of need I feel such a wet weak, I just cannot absorb any more of this, it's like living the Chinese torture, drip, drip drip. As I sit here can see my life dribbling away. I really do hope you can help me with this issue. Betty Swollocks
Finnegan Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear helpdesk, Under an apparent loophole in the freedom of information act (er, it's there.. honest... probably) we I demand for the personal details of above brunette to be made publicly available available to myself. Anon.
AoWW Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear Helpdesk I am currently experiencing a rather bizarre - and frankly mysterious - problem that I'm hoping you may be able to shed some light on. It has recently been drawn to my attention that my rather lovely previous signature has suddenly morphed into an entirely new one that is making a somewhat blatant suggestion that is entirely unfounded. Now obviously, being a fine, upstanding member of the FoxesTalk community, it would be regrettable if I were to be falsely accused of making unsubstantiated claims. I would hate to see other members of this magnificent forum being deceived in such a way. As such I am left little option but to reconsider the terms of any such ownership claims for the foreseeable future. Yours disgruntledly Anotherofwalshieswomen. Primadonna extraordinaire Honorary Member of the Society of Revenge Seekers Email: [email protected]
lookwhaticando Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Some people that I don't really know seem to want me to play a game of football with them. My problem is this: I do not have a left or right boot, socks, shorts, shirt, kit bag, shin pads but I do have two knees that got busted and stopped me from playing football. Should I be honest and tell them or should I keep schtum and let them find out the hard way that I am like Billy the Fish without the hands, agility or looks? User, You should definitely go the Billy the Fish route. It's much easier. Five minutes of intolerable flapping about will convince even the most sceptical of people that you're just not cut out to play football these days - and they will quickly sub you off, in place of an equally inefficient player. If you try and explain it with words, they'll think you're just a big girl's blouse and that you're trying to pull out. Never mind that this is in fact the truth, you don't want people to think that... Regards, H'esk. Dear Help desk,How are you? Thank you for providing this valuable service. User, Very well thanks. And... Dear helpdesk,Under an apparent loophole in the freedom of information act (er, it's there.. honest... probably) we I demand for the personal details of above brunette to be made publicly available available to myself. Anon. ... problem solved. You can find Anon's contact details by clicking on his username and hitting 'View member profile'. Regards, The H'esk. Dear HelpdeskPrimadonna extraordinaire Miss P. Madonna, This is highly unfortunate. I cannot disclose what I know for security reasons. I will however have it looked into. If I may be so bold, I can recommend eBay for a quick change of ownership. www.ebay.co.uk Regards, H'k
Guest Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear Helpdesk, I am searching for the antidote to life, without any success. Can you please help? Yours etc etc In Significant.
lookwhaticando Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear Helpdesk,I am searching for the antidote to life, without any success. Can you please help? Yours etc etc In Significant. User, The antidote to life is vast quantities of alcohol over an extended period of time. Don't rush it, or you'll wind up like this... Helpdesk.Hungover. Help. Seriously. BigTrev. Tragic, isn't it? Try rubbing your head and tummy in a circular motion simultaneously. It won't stop the pounding headache and blurred vision, but it'll keep you amused for a while. Thesk.
Alexikokopops Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear Helpdesk. I actually have real problem. Some people that I don't really know seem to want me to play a game of football with them. My problem is this: I do not have a left or right boot, socks, shorts, shirt, kit bag, shin pads but I do have two knees that got busted and stopped me from playing football. Should I be honest and tell them or should I keep schtum and let them find out the hard way that I am like Billy the Fish without the hands, agility or looks? Oh, and I also have the visual acuity of Gordon Banks with the wrong eye closed. Thanks L Dodgy keeper Department of Pointing [email protected] Dial: 0898-davidjames User, You should definitely go the Billy the Fish route. It's much easier. Five minutes of intolerable flapping about will convince even the most sceptical of people that you're just not cut out to play football these days - and they will quickly sub you off, in place of an equally inefficient player. If you try and explain it with words, they'll think you're just a big girl's blouse and that you're trying to pull out. Never mind that this is in fact the truth, you don't want people to think that... Regards, H'esk. How dare you call me ineffective I'll have you know my flapping skills are second to none!!
JoeyB Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear Helpdesk I am fully knackered, which is a better energy drink? Lucozade? Lucozade sport? Red Bull? or that new one that looks like its a can of larger but is really a can of piss with some dodgey crap name? thanks Fezmundo [email protected]
AoWW Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 User,Miss P. Madonna, This is highly unfortunate. I cannot disclose what I know for security reasons. I will however have it looked into. If I may be so bold, I can recommend eBay for a quick change of ownership. www.ebay.co.uk Regards, H'k It's changed again!!!
lookwhaticando Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 How dare you call me ineffective I'll have you know my flapping skills are second to none!! Apologies, I was unaware that you in fact were the substitute. I am sure you'll do an astonishing job, flapping and flailing like nobody's business. Dear HelpdeskI am fully knackered, which is a better energy drink? Lucozade? Lucozade sport? Red Bull? or that new one that looks like its a can of larger but is really a can of piss with some dodgey crap name? thanks Fezmundo [email protected] Personally speaking, I drink all four at once. It's of an acquired taste, and is rather expensive... but if it's energy you want, you're going to pay the price one way or another. Four bottles of energy drink or a large energy laden meal? Pound for pound, you're better off with the drinks. This message was brought to you by the council of devious fizzy drink manufacturers. It's changed again!!! C'est la vie.
JoeyB Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Dear HelpdeskI am fully knackered, which is a better energy drink? Lucozade? Lucozade sport? Red Bull? or that new one that looks like its a can of larger but is really a can of piss with some dodgey crap name? thanks Fezmundo [email protected] Personally speaking, I drink all four at once. It's of an acquired taste, and is rather expensive... but if it's energy you want, you're going to pay the price one way or another. Four bottles of energy drink or a large energy laden meal? Pound for pound, you're better off with the drinks. This message was brought to you by the council of devious fizzy drink manufacturers. The Help desk never fails to amaze me with its quick reply and rate and the high quality information given out
JoeyB Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Hes not helped my hangover though. GO drink some water, and quick ya moaning
Alexikokopops Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Apologies, I was unaware that you in fact were the substitute. I am sure you'll do an astonishing job, flapping and flailing like nobody's business. Personally speaking, I drink all four at once. Apology accepted. Ooh, I have a question now. Do you think that by inadvertantly hyping up my football skills the team may now believe that I actually have some skill between the sticks? I feel I may've just shot myself in the foot here. I really don't. Regards 'Kokopops Joker.
lookwhaticando Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Apology accepted. Ooh, I have a question now. Do you think that by inadvertantly hyping up my football skills the team may now believe that I actually have some skill between the sticks? I feel I may've just shot myself in the foot here. I really don't. Regards 'Kokopops Joker. User, Nah... you'll be alright. I'm sure nobody takes you seriously when you say you can play. Anyway, you could always do a Billy the Fish yourself - much like Lemond ought to. That'll convince them you're not as talented as you lead them to believe in here. Easy.
Blue Fox Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 H'esk.User, Very well thanks. Well thank you very much! For nothing! Time to find a reputable help desk not one that is flippant about people's afflictions. I really hope you end up feel wet one of these days.
lookwhaticando Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Well thank you very much! For nothing!Time to find a reputable help desk not one that is flippant about people's afflictions. I really hope you end up feel wet one of these days. I suffer from temperature management issues myself. I overheat easily and have yet to find a suitable solution.
Daggers Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Putain! Merde! Mon dieu! You lorry drivers from Scarborough have a foul manner when crossed, eh?!
lookwhaticando Posted 3 June 2007 Posted 3 June 2007 Mon dieu! You lorry drivers from Scarborough have a foul manner when crossed, eh?! That ain't no Lorry driver. Definitely a docker!
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.