Tiger Woods in Car Crash

[skinnydipper]

I have no idea. I might have some ideas about what happened to him though

The official accounts of what happened to Woods in the early hours of 27th November and the 'explanations' given for Woods' subsequent disappearance are no less outlandish than the scenario's in your little joke. The one feature all these 'reports' share is that they assume that Woods is still alive - do you believe this?

Well then , in the words of the great Stuart Leslie Goddard (aka Adam Ant ) it's time to " Stand and Deliver"

Unless of course the game is played and completed through stirring a modicum of interest before, to a great fanfare of trumpets ..... the end product is another damp squib

If nothing happens soon I shall be forced to retreat to the high octane excitement of the "What are you eating now" thread

[Webbo]

The thing is Chandler you are throwing around a lot of half baked, half true snippets of information without actually saying anything.

Thus, if Tiger Woods wins next years USPGA you can have complete deniablity. It's time to shit or get of the pot.

[Guest]

I thought you'd gone missing in The White Book

Aka the Bermuda Triangle of legal text

I have surprised myself with how much has sunk in, with my mock exam. Some proper revision, and I should (fingers crossed...) get a decent mark. It's a relief (I would try and fit in a legal pun, but the White Book doesn't deserve it).

More importantly, I have found a typo in Archie's!

And it's a terrible typo to make!

I am very disappointed.

[skinnydipper]

I have surprised myself with how much has sunk in, with my mock exam. Some proper revision, and I should (fingers crossed...) get a decent mark. It's a relief (I would try and fit in a legal pun, but the White Book doesn't deserve it).

More importantly, I have found a typo in Archie's!

And it's a terrible typo to make!

I am very disappointed.

I'm guessing that there's a letter missing from the word "Count" as in a Count on an indictment

[Guest]

I'm guessing that there's a letter missing from the word "Count" as in a Count on an indictment

I think I would have to move to Blackstones if I saw that.

This typo relates to the section on "Public interest immunity"

[Babylon]

Did I really just see Chandler turn the Tiger Woods non story into a Sherlock Holmes mystery?

You my friend have WAY too much time on your hands.

[skinnydipper]

I think I would have to move to Blackstones if I saw that.

This typo relates to the section on "Public interest immunity"

Strange but true, I'm doing a PII case tomorrow

If I make a faux pas I'll know who to blame

[Guest]

The official accounts of what happened to Woods in the early hours of 27th November and the 'explanations' given for Woods' subsequent disappearance are no less outlandish than the scenario's in your little joke. The one feature all these 'reports' share is that they assume that Woods is still alive - do you believe this?

To be honest, I don't care where he is, or what he's doing. I don't care if his millions have allowed him total privacy to get away from the media circus, or if some unidentified source has had him bumped off. I do find this thread very entertaining.

Strange but true, I'm doing a PII case tomorrow

If I make a faux pas I'll know who to blame

[Nick]

There is nothing in your posts on this thread to suggest that you believe anything other than the utter drivel that has been put out by the popular press on Tiger Woods in recent weeks. In fact, the main purpose of everything that you have posted to date on this subject has been designed to suppress critical analysis of the appalling media coverage of this issue through innuendo (that I am an Ickean) or nihilsm (there's not much call for my thoughts on this subject).

Problem for you now Finners is that a number of posters can clearly see that I have flagged up a lot of discrepancies in the way that the Woods saga has been covered and are very curious to see where I might be going with this. So, faced with this tidal wave of sentiment you bravely change your tune and come over all deconstructionist.

Well here's your chance to nail your colours to the mast you rugged individualistic thinker you. On the evidence that I have submitted thus far do you not agree that I have reasonable grounds to doubt that:

(I) Tiger Woods had a car accident on the 27th November last?

(II) his wife Elin assaulted him with a golf club?

(III) in this hi tech age a person as wealthy and famous as Woods could voluntarily disappear and remain 100% incommunicado for over a month?

No cheating or evasion now - just answer the questions so we all know what you really feel about popular news sources when the chips are down.

Because something tells me that you are secretly a fully paid up, card carrying member of the great unwashed...

I just think it's amazing how much information you have got your hands about this event. Own it baby, own it. I can't wait to see what twists and turns you'll reveal to us all next. It's like you just 'see everything'- I genuinely think you are incredible.

N.

[Daggers]

Did Tiger Woods close down the bloody schools for two days?

Bloody H&S-loving bastard. This is our economy he's single-handedly fucking up. Our bloody economy.

[skinnydipper]

[Fox You Forest]

Very good.

[skinnydipper]

'The Golfer Who Drove Into A Tree' - Final Episode

Watson,

Forgive my recent absence and lack of communication but I have been working in secret to unravel the mystery of this perplexing affair. As in so many of our cases the reality has been obscured by the smoke and the mirrors. It has been a matter of clearing the smoke and realigning the mirrors to remove the obfuscation that has hidden the simple truth.

The appliance of logic ( and a little good detective work ) has revealed that the solution to this case has been staring us in the face all along.

The use of a simple 3 stage process now enables me to elucidate the truth in this sorry little affair.

Stage 1

Has been a simple matter of acting on the advice of the correspondent Radovan Chandler

Be patient and read my posts carefully (and those of Messrs Holmes and Watson).

Don't scan them...

[Zingari]

'The Golfer Who Drove Into A Tree' - Final Episode

Watson,

Forgive my recent absence and lack of communication but I have been working in secret to unravel the mystery of this perplexing affair. As in so many of our cases the reality has been obscured by the smoke and the mirrors. It has been a matter of clearing the smoke and realigning the mirrors to remove the obfuscation that has hidden the simple truth.

The appliance of logic ( and a little good detective work ) has revealed that the solution to this case has been staring us in the face all along.

The use of a simple 3 stage process now enables me to elucidate the truth in this sorry little affair.

Stage 1

Has been a simple matter of acting on the advice of the correspondent Radovan Chandler

you're not taking this very seriously are you ?

[skinnydipper]

Stage 2

Was to carefully sift through the evidence,discarding the unnecessary and retaining the relevant. For the purposes of later analysis I elected to utilise the device of bold type to highlight those packets of information which I sensed would be important in solving this matter once and for all.

Going forward or reversing? Conscious or unconscious? Serious or minor injury? Fire hydrant to oak tree?

Twelve hours for police to release details. Joint (terse) statement from Woods PR team and hospital. National Enquirer links him to party animal and home wrecker. Her indoors 'rescues' Woods from car (at 2.25am) by smashing car window with a golf club. What a crock of brown stuff.

The feisty Vikingess obviously gave the spolit billionaire brat a damn good hiding.

Just think about all the other stuff I'm right about

http://www.tmz.com/2009/11/28/tiger-woods-...uv-lacerations/

Watson,

This is a most perplexing affair, nothing here is quite what it appears to be.

It was immediately obvious to me that the injuries to Mr Woods were inflicted by his wife and not by impacts with the hydrant and the Oak tree. But the 'unconsiousness' claim bothers me. I cannot accept that his wife was responsible for this nor was this a consequence of any possible collision. Was this unfortunate state due to his medication as has been suggested? But surely this would have necessitated a longer stay at the hospital?

Then we have the released tapes of the 911 call. Strange how Mr Woods' 'neighbour' did not identify him, the world's most recogniseable man, during the phone conversation with the emergency crew. Strange, also, when repeatedly asked by the crew whether the victim was inside or outside the vehicle the answer was inaudible/garbled on three occasions. And strangest of all was how Woods' immediate neighbour revealed more than 72 hours after the incident that it was someone else who entered his property and made the call (so far, neither Woods' immediate neighbour nor the Good Samaritan have been identified).

This admission in one sense is not a surprise and in another sense is something of a shock. The diction of the caller was not of the kind that one would expect to hear within the confines of one of Florida's most exclusive gated communities. It would sit more comfortably in that place that has been used as the synonym for Elin Nordegren's fury - the ghetto. This and the other odd aspects of the call mentioned earlier suggest that the tape has been manufactured. Worse, it suggests that the local authorities and the police have been complicit in this act.

Of course, there may be a more innocent explanation for all this but I struggle to imagine what this might be. If the call was a simulation this opens up the possibility that the accident was as well. Forgive me if I am wrong here Watson but the 'after images' of the Oak Tree that was said to be the final point of impact of Woods' vehicle show no signs of disturbance to the circular flower bed surrounding it not were there any visible skid marks on the lawns and driveways that his car mounted.

There are also the photographs of the 'accident.' But these beg many questions. Who took them? And how did a scandal site based over 3,00 miles away in Los Angeles come to acquire them? Have you seen any pictures of the car with witnesses, paramedics, firemen, police in attendance as I have not? It maybe just a projection of mine but they appear to be images designed to reveal as little as possible and to mislead (like the shot with the patrol car in the background with its 'State Trooper' neon light full on).

Then there is the Scarlet Woman who goes public with details of her affair with Woods just days before (and it must be said here that the National Enquirer puts her in Melbourne with him and is standing by this claim - Woods' lawyers await their instructions) and then after the event runs to a disreputable divorce lawyer to deny everything. And of course there is the timing - on the eve of a golf tournament that Woods himself sponsors and was due to appear in.

Finally there is the way that all of this has been mishandled by the Woods' publicity machine and the saturation coverage this unfortunate incident has received. I have a growing feeling of unease that someone out there does not like him very much. However, at this juncture it must be said that neither do I and that I have no qualms in also saying that he richly deserved the thrashing meted out to him (well, probably at least).

However, as nothing in this case is as it seems to be I am beginning to wonder whether anything happened at all...

Yours ever,

Holmes

'The Golfer Who Drove Into A Tree' - Holmes's only three pipe problem

The way that this whole sordid affair is unravelling - 'the crash' 'the fight' 'the woman' 'the women' 'the porn star' 'the drugs' 'the alcohol' 'the mother-in-law' - and the timing of it all (on the eve of Woods' own tournament) indicates that it is a concerted campaign to 'get' Tiger.

Now we hear, surprise, surprise, that Gatorade have dropped their 'Tiger' drink and that other sponsors are considering following suit. And some very helpful people are putting it about that he may never play golf again (see the Drudge News site). I wonder whether there will be much innuendo about Woods' performance enhancing 'medication' in the near future.

I wonder also who the Moriarty is that's stirring this particular pot (clue - somebody who clearly doesn't like CNN).

Can't say that I feel sorry for Woods as he has largely contributed to his own downfall. He's an absolute foul mouthed asshole on the course (only that two faced shite Montgomerie is more odious) widely disliked by aficionado's of the peculiar Royal & Ancient pursuit.

The uncritical media deference shown to Woods is down to one thing - his colour. A somewhat ironic post modern twist on the aspirations of the late Dr Martin Luther King:

'I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.'

Stick with it my friend- you cannot rush the truth (especially when it is at odds with one's world view).

And remember the only place where the truth was spoken in the former Soviet Union (and many other places) was the lunatic asylum...

Be patient and read my posts carefully (and those of Messrs Holmes and Watson).

Don't scan them...

'The Golfer Who Drove Into A Tree' – Part V

Scene Holmes' bedsitter at 221b Baker Street

Watson I say, Mrs Hudson, your muffins are excellent!

Holmes (mischievous grin) Fnaar to that!

Mrs Hudson (pouring tea and staring reprovingly at Holmes) Not much call for muffin since you left Dr Watson.

Holmes Will you leave us now Mrs Hudson, I have much to impart to your muffin lover.

Mrs Hudson (taking away tea tray) I'll give you a knock when the cab arrives.

Holmes (pauses) Watson, we have little time and may have to continue our conversation in another place…

Watson Then at least let me know now if you have solved this mystery.

Holmes I am satisfied that I have established its parameters and that I have identified all the possible solutions that could fall within them.

Watson What did you mean when you said that the Woods' affair resembled the Jackson case? There's no serious evidence that Woods is/was addicted to painkillers and there's no body yet, so no autopsy…

Holmes Ah! Trust a physician to focus only on the medical aspects of the matter; prescription drugs, autopsies and the like. These are all after the fact. The critical similarities lie in the men's ethnicities, proclivities, status, undeclared wealth and, paradoxically, financial innocence.

Watson Undeclared wealth? But I thought Michael Jackson had racked up over $300 million in debts.

Holmes He possibly did owe that or, to put it more accurately, his entourage owed him that. But he still remained, at the time of his demise, the part owner of the most brilliant jewel in the pop crown, an asset so huge it dwarfed the ill gotten gains of his hangers' on.

Watson Which was?

Holmes Sony/ATV Music Publishing, known colloquially as 'The Beatles Back Catalogue': current 'official' valuation $1 billion, future unofficial valuation anything up to ten times that figure. The control of this asset was probably the primary motive for Jackson's slaying.

Watson But nobody has been charged with his murder…

Holmes For what it's worth, the LA coroner ruled that Jackson's death was a homicide on the 28th August last. But I have my doubts as to whether there will ever be any serious investigation into even the role of such an obvious patsy as Dr Conrad Murray, let alone the corporate cheeses who masterminded the conspiracy.

Watson I still don't see the connection with the current case as you yourself are not sure whether Woods is dead or alive.

Holmes Touché Docteur Muffin! (Watson winces). I won't labour the parallels any further for two reasons. Firstly, because they will manifest themselves in due course as you become more familiar with the anatomy of this affair (Watson smiles) and secondly because the direction in which this case appears to be gravitating has triggered a distant memory of an outrage that in its essential elements resembles the matter at hand even more closely than Jackson's tragedy.

Watson And what was this outrage pray?

Holmes The disappearance of Richard John Bingham.

Watson Bingham? Who the devil was he?

Holmes (smiles) You might remember him better as Lord Lucan.

Tiger, Whacko & Lucky - parallel lives and parallel deaths?

Yes we are a sad species

Almost as sad as people who spend all their time on the internet moderating forums like this one

I suggest you stick around on this thread for a bit and then we'll see who are the saddest of all

Nearly 15,000 times I notice - that's an awful lot of occasions.

My posting rate is 1/5th of yours.

And your posts contain about 1/5th of the sense of mine

[Nick]

Somebody close this rubbish before Radovan takes ownership of every world media story like it was his own idea.

[skinnydipper]

Stage 3

I was left with the following mumbo jumbo

crock of brown stuff, I'm, admission, forgive me, I have,is unravelling, the truth, my posts, you have solved this mystery, are a , the saddest of all, an

At first sight it made no sense at all. He who wished to keep us in the dark (Radovan) had applied a complex code to protect the truth. By applying the technique of rearrangement I have been able to break the code as revealed below

the truth is unravelling.

I have an admission

my posts are a crock of brown stuff

you have solved this mystery

forgive me

I'm the saddest of all

Watson , it is a relief to me that at last we can put this matter to bed

I think it is time for a muffin

Holmes

[BoneDog]

Woods has been spotted......I repeat......Woods has been spotted.

Plastic surgery on his face must have healed, it's time to get back in the game

[skinnydipper]

With Woods about to surface the big story is that Radovan Chandler remains missing. It's as if he's disappeared off the face of the planet, something that would be almost impossible to achieve given the intense interest in him from the Foxestalk Massive. Stories that he has gone into hiding due to being exposed for posting yet more loads of bollocks are entirely true.

[BoneDog]

Chandler?

We deserve an explanation

In a way I was hoping you were correct and there was some super mystery going on.

[Webbo]

I don't think we'll see Radovan's Caravan again. Expect to see 'Mugabe's motorhome' joining the forum soon.