Tiger Woods in Car Crash

[MPH]

i heard he was planning on changing his name by deedpole to escape public attention..

He is now to be known as cheetah

NB: Inspired by Lou

[lou]

i heard he was planning on changing his name by deedpole to escape public attention..

He is now to be known as cheetah

NB: Inspired by Lou

others seem to appreciate my little joke......... or at least theyre being nice

[Radovan's Caravan]

I'm still none the wiser

However, I see watertight mitigation re insanity should you ever suffer a mishap with the authorities whilst travelling in China

Stick with it my friend- you cannot rush the truth (especially when it is at odds with one's world view).

And remember the only place where the truth was spoken in the former Soviet Union (and many other places) was the lunatic asylum...

[MPH]

others seem to appreciate my little joke......... or at least theyre being nice

well it is christmas!

[skinnydipper]

Was re reading some of your earlier posts when I noticed the website that this picture is sourced from

Too much of Milf.com scrambles the brain methinks

[Radovan's Caravan]

Was re reading some of your earlier posts when I noticed the website that this picture is sourced from

Too much of Milf.com scrambles the brain methinks

Whatever the original provenance of this image I downloaded it with the other images and text from the Daily Mail's site.

As for brain scrambling here's the latest on Tiger's whereabouts from the same reliable source:

It is being billed as the 'inside' story of the car crash that led to Tiger Woods' fall from grace.

The account, which is sweeping the internet, includes claims that Woods, 33, underwent plastic surgery to cover up the injuries sustained when his wife Elin allegedly struck him in the face with a 9-iron golf club after a row over text messages.

It claims the blow fractured Woods's cheekbone and almost knocked out his two front teeth, prompting the star to seek plastic surgery

It also claims that the facial injuries are the real reason Woods has not been seen in public since the November 27 incident outside his Florida home.

But last night there was growing speculation that 91 year old journalist Furman Bisher had become the victim of an internet hoax.

He claims to have been given the story by a trusted source but critics say there are contradictions in the story and that it has been circulating online for some time.

According to the story published on Bisher's blog, Woods flew to Arizona for surgery and his absence from Florida was the reason police were unable to speak with him.

The account claims that Woods and his wife Elin argued after she found text messages from nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel.

It says: 'At one point Tiger turned away to look at the TV, and as he turned back, Elin hit him on the right side of the face with the head of a 9-iron.

'When she struck Tiger, she put a huge gash in the right side of his face next to his nose (causing his nose to bruise some), and virtually knocking two of his upper teeth out, and breaking the bone on the upper right side.

'Tiger ran scared as hell out of the house (which is why he had on no shoes) with Elin swinging the golf club throughout the hallway to the garage (i.e. causing the severe damage which has been reported).

'Tiger hopped in the Escalade [his car] and tried to leave; and as we know Elin knocked out the windows in the Escalade.

'When Tiger crashed, Elin panicked and was not sure what to tell the police (which is why there are two conflicting stories from her)'.

Bisher said the information about came from a colleague of the golf star's agent, Mark Steinberg.

However, one respected U.S. golf journalist said he believed the account was a hoax as Woods's agent Mark Steinberg was in California at the time of the incident.

But according to the Bisher's story Steinberg met Woods at the Florida hospital where he was treated for his injuries.

Other bloggers said it would be unlikely for Woods to leave his mobile phone unattended knowing

Nice touch to suggest that this version of events is a hoax (which it undoubtedly is) and then proceed as if this version of events were true...

And guess what people with unscrambled brains will be saying round the water cooler in the morning...

[Webbo]

You're basically telling us something we've already read in the papers for ourselves but you're trying to claim you've spotted some conspiracy.

Please enlighten us all because I still don't see your point.

[Radovan's Caravan]

You're basically telling us something we've already read in the papers for ourselves but you're trying to claim you've spotted some conspiracy.

Please enlighten us all because I still don't see your point.

Be patient and read my posts carefully (and those of Messrs Holmes and Watson).

Don't scan them...

[BoneDog]

Anymore info or theories yet Radovan? This is one thread I'm keeping me eye on and lack of action in here is quite frustrating.

[Radovan's Caravan]

'The Golfer Who Drove Into A Tree' – Part III

My Dear Holmes,

Sincere apologies for my tardiness in replying to your letter of the 22/12 but what with the practice and the general madness at this time of year I haven't been able to give your observations the undivided attention of my second rate mind (just as well my skin is thicker than rhino hide!).

Before playing devil's advocate vis a vis your latest deductions I would like to offer some support for your pronouncements in your earlier correspondence on this matter. There are so many discrepancies in the accounts re events in the early hours of the 27/11 in Isleworth Fla provided by the Woods' (purported?) neighbours and principal witnesses, the Adams family (and their hired shyster Bill Sharpe), that a single weighty tome devoted entirely to listing and assessing their dubious claims and conflicting recollections* would scarce do the subject justice.

As a result I, too, am increasingly of the opinion that the central elements of this incident are largely fictitious et ergo, by extension, am now sceptically predisposed to all official coverage of the Woods' affair. This unrelenting saga is some sort of smoke and mirrors operation designed to confuse a public that is inclined to place a higher value on the soi disant authority of the press than it does on its own instincts. An unintentional segue, I assure you, to your 'template' - the demise of the great music hall artiste, Mr Michael Joseph Jackson.

I do see certain obvious parallels here with the Woods affair. There were many inconsistencies in the reporting of the immediate circumstances surrounding Jackson's death and about his misuse of prescription drugs. And, if I remember correctly, there were a number of discrepancies in coverage of the autopsy (or should that read autopsies - was the private one ever conducted?) and the results of toxicology tests. I am pretty sure there was even some confusion about when and where he was to be buried (although this was later resolved but no doubt you would qualify that with an adverb like 'seemingly').

However, save the prescription medication issue, I fail to see how in specifics the Jackson case sheds any light on the matter at hand (unless Woods has been done in - are you suggesting that?). I am certain though, that you will soon enlighten me on this score. I sense an invitation to partake of Mrs Hudson's muffins at 221b Baker Street is imminent.

Here are some odds and ends for the files:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/29/t...i_n_372977.html

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/12/03/tiger.woo...tion=cnn_latest

http://www.fox61.com/sports/orl-tiger-wood...853992.htmlpage

http://www.fox61.com/sports/orl-tiger-wood...5570772.mp3file

Yours ever,

Watson

PS Today is Mr Woods' 34th birthday (or should that read, Today would have been Woods' 34th birthday?).

*The Adams family (are they for real or are they the creation of a low grade Machiavelli with a warped sense of humour?) put into circulation four separate accounts as to who was present at 6342 Deacon Circle in the early hours of the 27/11.

(I) The 'official' police interview (conducted on Monday 30/11) revealed that it was Jarius Adams and his sister, Mrs Kimberly Harris who were in residence at the time of the incident.

(II) The press conference hosted by the Adams’ attorney the following day stated that there were three people present at that time: Mrs Linda Adams and her two sons Jarius Lavar Adams and Jerome Adams Jnr (so what happens to daughter Kimberly's testimony?).

(III) Other reports state that a (Dr) Jerome Roberts Snr, a physician, was also there (the householder in these accounts, although a medical register gives a different address for him in Orlando) but played no part in proceedings. One might be forgiven for thinking his medical skills may have proved useful.

(IV) Several outlets revised initial statements that it was either Jarius or Jerome who made the 911 call and attributed it to an as yet unidentified male who was in the Adams property at the time.

A further news conference that was to have been hosted on the 2/12 by Christian Conrad (a partner in Bill Sharpes' law firm) to clarify point (IV) and other matters did not materialise. The Adams family also pulled out of an interview with Larry King - make of that what I'm sure you will...…

'The Golfer Who Drove Into A Tree' – Part IV

Watson,

There is more than Mrs Hudson’s muffins on the menu – pack a large suitcase and meet me here at 5.00pm today. After tea we catch the boat train to Southampton: we sail on a White Star liner for New York tonight. Please ensure that your revolver is always on your person as there is more evil in this matter than I have ever encountered.

In the meantime, whilst agonising over which pairs of long johns to take, you might care to seek refuge in reflection (one’s under garments have a habit of sorting themselves out). Allow me to provide you with nourishment for your thoughts:

(I) In this age of monitoring, intercepting, tracking, hacking and surveillance technologies is it possible for someone as wealthy and famous as Mr Woods to elude the clutches of the global media for over a month? Surely his phone, his car, his credit cards would give his location away (unless, of course, he has taken leave of the 21st century and is currently holed up with a 12 bore in some shack in the Everglades)?

(II) Why are all the reports as to Woods’ whereabouts (eight different accounts in the last fortnight alone) attributed to anonymous sources? The only verifiable statements from his inner circle on this matter that I have logged are from the NBA stars Messrs Bryant & Barkley and from his manager Mark Steinberg and all of these attest ignorance about the Tiger’s present range (Bryant and Barkley both confirm that Woods is incommunicado and Steinberg denies that he is the source of the preposterous story about Woods undergoing cosmetic surgery in Arizona).

(III) Why is the normally curious media now so incurious about Woods’ current domicile? Why aren’t all their satellite trucks parked in serried ranks outside the hospitals, country clubs, houses, condo’s and yacht where he has purportedly been in residence? Where are the legions of on site reporters with their breathless exclusives on crucial developments such as pizza deliveries and trash collection?

(IV) How is it that a usually intrusive media has suddenly come over all respectful of a celebrity’s family’s ‘right’ to privacy (or have Woods’ wife, mother, and in laws been granted some novel kind of diplomatic immunity from door stepping, mike thrusting and camera shoving?)?

(V) Whilst on the subject of his wife, children and mother – where are they (updates on their welfare and whereabouts also all come from unidentified ‘friends’ ‘neighbours’ and the like)? I am beginning to have my doubts about the authenticity of certain photographs purporting to be of Kultida Woods and Barbro Holmberg (Mr Woods’ mother in law) that have appeared in the press recently. Another image of Elin Nordegren at a petrol station (sans wedding ring) that has been widely syndicated could have been taken months or even years ago.

(VI) Odd, weird perhaps, maybe even sinister that not one of Woods’ relatives has gone on record about his (alleged) transgressions or publicly expressed any concerns for him – the silence is deafening (though I anticipate a very carefully edited TV interview in the near future)

(VII) Finally, could a multi billionaire, without warning, just cut himself off indefinitely from the world without serious harm to his interests? Consider his mountainous daily financial/legal commitments and obligations. One can only delegate so much, even to the most competent and trustworthy of aides (and that goes for the inscrutable, mercurial Mr Steinberg).

Watson, by now, you should be aware that our Tiger is, at the very least, an endangered species but, more likely, extinct. You should also be aware that five pairs of Merino’s finest long johns have spirited themselves in most orderly fashion into the deepest recesses of your suitcase.

And 5.00pm it is and not a minute later!

Yours ever,

Holmes

An endangered species throughout the world and now thought extinct in the USA.

[Finnegan]

there's a very strong smell of Nobodygivesashit in this thread.

[Webbo]

So are you saying that he's be been bumped off?

[lou]

there's a very strong smell of Nobodygivesashit in this thread.

true

So are you saying that he's be been bumped off?

oh... hang on

[BoneDog]

I think Woods is enjoying some me time on one of Bransons new Space Shuttle Plane thingy-ma-bobs.

If not then he's defo on one of those 'celebrity/super rich only' tropical islands that they can disappear to.

If neither of the above then Radovan could have an exclusive.

[BoneDog]

I've had another thought. Maybe Tiger won Joe Rogan's Isolation Tank and is having the best trip he's ever known so he's decided to stay in that for a while. All you need is a few bags of nachos and one of them hats with a bottle of water and a curly straw on it and you could stay there for a while

I still think Radovans ideas could have more truth in them than mine, but I'm keeping an open mind

[l444ry]

Tiger - Latest (2)

Arizona plastic surgeon Molewith Aaron has come forward today to confirm that Tiger Woods sought plastic surgery after being hit in the face with a 9 iron by his wife Elin Nordegren.

Not being an expert with the club said Dr. Aaron, Elin had to swing three times but unfortunately her lack accuracy was such that she removed a large divot from Tiger's cheek which had to replaced according to USGA rules.

Since this happens rarely there are few surgeons in the US accredited to perform this procedure but Dr. Aaron is one. Divots have to be replaced immediately and so Tiger had to fly straight to Arizona in his private jet to have this done.

Dr. Aaron said that the surgery was tricky,

"Due to Elin being a complete beginner, as well as hooking out the divot from Tiger's face she compounded the problem by trying to replace it by hand and then stamping on it with her foot after trying to fill it with sand. Which may be alright for grass but for skin and bone is not to be advised."

It was a simple operation but had to be done as an emergency and that is why Tiger was unavailable to speak to the police immediately after the affair.

Dr. Aaron said "There will be no problems for Tiger in the future providing Elin hits the balls where they lay but she must make sure she uses stroke play rather than match play or she might set the house on fire."

Radovan O'Bullshit

Sports Correspondent

[Daggers]

A bonus 10 points for the first person to introduce an alien kidnap angle, backed up with YouTube evidence is another 40.

[Nick]

A bonus 10 points for the first person to introduce an alien kidnap angle, backed up with YouTube evidence is another 40.

The alien kidnap angle has already been written for a day or two now but the youtube evidence seems a bit too much like hard work.

Happy New Year team.

N.

[Radovan's Caravan]

'The Golfer Who Drove Into A Tree' – Part IV

Watson,

There is more than Mrs Hudson’s muffins on the menu – pack a large suitcase and meet me here at 5.00pm today. After tea we catch the boat train to Southampton: we sail on a White Star liner for New York tonight. Please ensure that your revolver is always on your person as there is more evil in this matter than I have ever encountered.

In the meantime, whilst agonising over which pairs of long johns to take, you might care to seek refuge in reflection (one’s under garments have a habit of sorting themselves out). Allow me to provide you with nourishment for your thoughts:

(I) In this age of monitoring, intercepting, tracking, hacking and surveillance technologies is it possible for someone as wealthy and famous as Mr Woods to elude the clutches of the global media for over a month? Surely his phone, his car, his credit cards would give his location away (unless, of course, he has taken leave of the 21st century and is currently holed up with a 12 bore in some shack in the Everglades)?

(II) Why are all the reports as to Woods’ whereabouts (eight different accounts in the last fortnight alone) attributed to anonymous sources? The only verifiable statements from his inner circle on this matter that I have logged are from the NBA stars Messrs Bryant & Barkley and from his manager Mark Steinberg and all of these attest ignorance about the Tiger’s present range (Bryant and Barkley both confirm that Woods is incommunicado and Steinberg denies that he is the source of the preposterous story about Woods undergoing cosmetic surgery in Arizona).

(III) Why is the normally curious media now so incurious about Woods’ current domicile? Why aren’t all their satellite trucks parked in serried ranks outside the hospitals, country clubs, houses, condo’s and yacht where he has purportedly been in residence? Where are the legions of on site reporters with their breathless exclusives on crucial developments such as pizza deliveries and trash collection?

(IV) How is it that a usually intrusive media has suddenly come over all respectful of a celebrity’s family’s ‘right’ to privacy (or have Woods’ wife, mother, and in laws been granted some novel kind of diplomatic immunity from door stepping, mike thrusting and camera shoving?)?

(V) Whilst on the subject of his wife, children and mother – where are they (updates on their welfare and whereabouts also all come from unidentified ‘friends’ ‘neighbours’ and the like)? I am beginning to have my doubts about the authenticity of certain photographs purporting to be of Kultida Woods and Barbro Holmberg (Mr Woods’ mother in law) that have appeared in the press recently. Another image of Elin Nordegren at a petrol station (sans wedding ring) that has been widely syndicated could have been taken months or even years ago.

(VI) Odd, weird perhaps, maybe even sinister that not one of Woods’ relatives has gone on record about his (alleged) transgressions or publicly expressed any concerns for him – the silence is deafening (though I anticipate a very carefully edited TV interview in the near future)

(VII) Finally, could a multi billionaire, without warning, just cut himself off indefinitely from the world without serious harm to his interests? Consider his mountainous daily financial/legal commitments and obligations. One can only delegate so much, even to the most competent and trustworthy of aides (and that goes for the inscrutable, mercurial Mr Steinberg).

Watson, by now, you should be aware that our Tiger is, at the very least, an endangered species but, more likely, extinct. You should also be aware that five pairs of Merino’s finest long johns have spirited themselves in most orderly fashion into the deepest recesses of your suitcase.

And 5.00pm it is and not a minute later!

Yours ever,

Holmes

An endangered species throughout the world and now thought extinct in the USA.

'The Golfer Who Drove Into A Tree' – Part V

Scene Holmes’ bedsitter at 221b Baker Street

Watson I say, Mrs Hudson, your muffins are excellent!

Holmes (mischievous grin) Fnaar to that!

Mrs Hudson (pouring tea and staring reprovingly at Holmes) Not much call for muffin since you left Dr Watson.

Holmes Will you leave us now Mrs Hudson, I have much to impart to your muffin lover.

Mrs Hudson (taking away tea tray) I’ll give you a knock when the cab arrives.

Holmes (pauses) Watson, we have little time and may have to continue our conversation in another place…

Watson Then at least let me know now if you have solved this mystery.

Holmes I am satisfied that I have established its parameters and that I have identified all the possible solutions that could fall within them.

Watson What did you mean when you said that the Woods’ affair resembled the Jackson case? There’s no serious evidence that Woods is/was addicted to painkillers and there’s no body yet, so no autopsy…

Holmes Ah! Trust a physician to focus only on the medical aspects of the matter; prescription drugs, autopsies and the like. These are all after the fact. The critical similarities lie in the men’s ethnicities, proclivities, status, undeclared wealth and, paradoxically, financial innocence.

Watson Undeclared wealth? But I thought Michael Jackson had racked up over $300 million in debts.

Holmes He possibly did owe that or, to put it more accurately, his entourage owed him that. But he still remained, at the time of his demise, the part owner of the most brilliant jewel in the pop crown, an asset so huge it dwarfed the ill gotten gains of his hangers’ on.

Watson Which was?

Holmes Sony/ATV Music Publishing, known colloquially as ‘The Beatles Back Catalogue’: current ‘official’ valuation $1 billion, future unofficial valuation anything up to ten times that figure. The control of this asset was probably the primary motive for Jackson’s slaying.

Watson But nobody has been charged with his murder…

Holmes For what it’s worth, the LA coroner ruled that Jackson’s death was a homicide on the 28th August last. But I have my doubts as to whether there will ever be any serious investigation into even the role of such an obvious patsy as Dr Conrad Murray, let alone the corporate cheeses who masterminded the conspiracy.

Watson I still don’t see the connection with the current case as you yourself are not sure whether Woods is dead or alive.

Holmes Touché Docteur Muffin! (Watson winces). I won’t labour the parallels any further for two reasons. Firstly, because they will manifest themselves in due course as you become more familiar with the anatomy of this affair (Watson smiles) and secondly because the direction in which this case appears to be gravitating has triggered a distant memory of an outrage that in its essential elements resembles the matter at hand even more closely than Jackson’s tragedy.

Watson And what was this outrage pray?

Holmes The disappearance of Richard John Bingham.

Watson Bingham? Who the devil was he?

Holmes (smiles) You might remember him better as Lord Lucan.

Tiger, Whacko & Lucky - parallel lives and parallel deaths?

[Finnegan]

I read this fantastic article on the sort of fringe-of-society losers who buy into conspiracy theories because they struggle to identify or fit in with most people.

It always makes me grin when you see some unhinged, socially awkward goon babble off about this or that mumbo jumbo and kind of prove it all right.

[Webbo]

So Lord Lucan murdered Tiger Woods while he was muff diving Jacko?

[Radovan's Caravan]

I read this fantastic article on the sort of fringe-of-society losers who buy into conspiracy theories because they struggle to identify or fit in with most people.

It always makes me grin when you see some unhinged, socially awkward goon babble off about this or that mumbo jumbo and kind of prove it all right.

Yes we are a sad species

Almost as sad as people who spend all their time on the internet moderating forums like this one

I suggest you stick around on this thread for a bit and then we'll see who are the saddest of all

[Finnegan]

Almost as sad as people who spend all their time on the internet moderating forums like this one

Yeah. It takes a hell of a lot of my time and effort to occasionally edit people's posts to say rude things.

[Radovan's Caravan]

Yeah. It takes a hell of a lot of my time and effort to occasionally edit people's posts to say rude things.

Nearly 15,000 times I notice - that's an awful lot of occasions.

My posting rate is 1/5th of yours.

And your posts contain about 1/5th of the sense of mine

[skinnydipper]

I read this fantastic article on the sort of fringe-of-society losers who buy into conspiracy theories because they struggle to identify or fit in with most people.

It always makes me grin when you see some unhinged, socially awkward goon babble off about this or that mumbo jumbo and kind of prove it all right.

A bit unfair on our conspiracy theory resident experts - Zingari and El Empty

And I can't really understand the reason for your sniping against RC

Unless he distracts you from really important and noteworthy activities

Such as preparing for your next bout of verbal fisticuffs with Fox 92