Bellend Sebastian

Standard riposte for me now to this sort of thing (which I get a lot less now I look old, grizzled and scary) is to ask what it's like to be of slightly below average height - regardless of how tall they are

I've got no problem with expertise

Ah ha hah hah hah hahahaha Who spends whatever it costs to see Peter Kay and gets so hammered they just stand there shouting "garlic bread" until they get removed? Probably the sort of person that, on meeting a comedian in real life goes "say something funny then" or on seeing me (a tall person) says *what's the weather like up there?" https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2025/feb/11/peter-kay-defends-decision-to-kick-out-hecklers-after-shouts-of-garlic-bread Incredible scenes

Oh yes, I remember. I think I said you could solve this by simply not going to the games anymore, advice I stand by

Unless you're on the road all the time you'll be paying that once in a blue moon. IF you can charge at home you're looking at 1 to 1.25 p a mile on the right tariff. I've driven 18,000 miles in my EV and I've been to Cornwall, the Lake District etc from Leicester and the hassle has been pretty tiny, and relative to the costs I'd say non existent. If you cannot charge at home, it makes no sense at all from a cost perspective though

The tip I was given, and I've no idea what science there is to this, but it seemed to work for me, was to massage the areas of your calves furthest away from where you feel the discomfort. For example, I felt the pain mainly around the front and inside of my shin, so I'd massage my calf on the outside, if that makes sense, which seemed to sort the pain more than massaging the area that actually hurt

I quite fancy shooting them actually. Weirdly, despite them occasionally working weekends as evidenced by yesterday, they seem to largely stick to normal office hours. They also seemed to go away for Christmas, which must have been nice for them

Yeah, that's exactly what we've been told and it seems to be true. Apparently they are prone to 'neophobia' - literally fear of new things, but at least that makes them a bit more relatable. I've put my own bait box back down. A couple of years ago I had a bit of success with that when after ignoring it for weeks the rat that was a regular visitor seemed to have a weak moment and snaffled the lot, and that was the end of them. The problem I've got this time is there seems to be more - I think I had three of the buggers in the garden yesterday, the only saving grace being I think they're just passing through

Does it need to be alive? I've got the ashes of mine in a box

A week after the pest control bloke took the bait box away, 3 massive rats just wandering around the garden. Not sure what I'm supposed to do about this. Open talks?

Got tickets for Stewart Lee on Thursday, bought them so long ago we're on the second row, needed to get my act together after being told off by my wife for not getting any last time. Also going to see Tom Lawrinson at the Guildhall the following week. Big fan of his daft online sketches with Sam O'Leary, no idea what his solo stand up is like but he's been doing it for about 9 months so should be working pretty well by now

Parts covered but not labour? That old chestnut, the most pointless warranty there is

I'm about 4 and a half pounds down after a few days of stopping snacking and delaying my breakfast until lunchtime and basically skipping lunch. Doesn't feel like too much of a hardship so far, let's see if that continues. My snacking was getting out of hand and I was kidding myself that it was ok because of all the exercise I do when it clearly wasn't

I know a Canadian married my absolute car crash of a mate when she really didn't have to so I've always taken from this that they like a challenge

This bed's been shat so often that if it happens again you can't even tell. Gave up washing the sheets years ago

I was talking to a tradesman I know who was telling me that the current thing is not always about the tools being stolen to be sold on, but returning them to their (hopefully) rightful owners for a "fee". The crims scour local social media for people moaning about their stuff being nicked and then offer to get it back, sometimes for a few hundred quid, sometimes for not much at all. Less hassle than trying to flog it, I guess. What a time to be alive

Bloody hell Wordle 1,325 6/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜🟨⬜🟩 ⬜⬜⬜🟩🟩 ⬜⬜⬜🟩🟩 🟩⬜⬜🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Not needed, my wife wouldn't claim to be the greatest cook ever but at least has the instincts for when things are very, very wrong shared by, well, the rest of humanity really. Those tribes in the Amazon who have had no contact with the outside world get uncomfortable with seeing someone put bacon in a microwave despite not having any concept of either

16 years since I met my wife and I've still no idea what it's about. My MIL has some very strange ideas around food and this is just one of a long list of things she does that I find utterly inexplicable. At least she's not poisoned us, yet, anyway

My MIL insists on microwaving it, is it worse than that? It's the sort of thing most folk do once and not again, ever

Sounds like they're taking porridge and simply making it better/less nutritious

Every time somebody mentions grits I cannot remember what they are so I have to look them up and then realise there's a reason I can't remember: made of "maize that has been treated with an alkali in a process called nixtamalization, with the pericarp (ovary wall) removed." My mouth's watering at the very thought

I ran a 10k in that time yesterday and I've done dozens of them (but am also old), so that looks like a good start to me

DofF at unnamed club: It says here Mr Van Nistelrooy that during your last employment you took an already substandard Leicester City side and somehow conspired to make it perhaps the shittest one in living memory. Want to talk us through that? RVN: (shrugs, smiles) Hey man that's football

One of the tech bros is currently weighing up whether he should pay someone fifty million dollars just to slaughter them all and be done with it. It won't be Musk but I wouldn't bet against the other two