Don't ever feel guilty about taking time out...
I just sent this to my work colleagues. Just writing it made me feel better!
I don't know how much Michelle has felt able to share with you about why I'm not at work, so I thought I should drop you a line.
I have always been open about who I am, and what impacts my ability to be me; so you may already know a lot of this.
My life is affected by two disabilities- General Anxiety Disorder (anxiety), and Obstructive Sleep Apnoea (OSA).
I wasn't born with either of these "friends"; they just popped up along life's journey. Unfortunately, it has been quite difficult adjusting not only to the fact that they come with me everywhere I go; but also the fact that I have no choice but to let them come with me.
I will spare the full details as to how they impact me, but if you want to know; then just ask.
Both of these conditions can be treated so that they impact less; but, that treatment regime must be followed rigidly, and there is no guarantee that the treatment received will help forever.
Anxiety is treated with antidepressant/SSRI drugs. I am now on my third different type; and in order to start a new drug, you have to come completely off the old drug first before starting a new type. That means no help with anixety effects at all; and all your demons come to bite you at the same time. I have been through this during this course of absence, and, indeed had already delayed this for a year. I am now trying to find the correct dose of the new drug (fluoxetine/prozac). I also have therapy appointments through Steps to Wellbeing.
After two years of self funded (quite expensive) treatment for OSA, I have finally been given a CPAP machine from NHS. This machine is more effective than the one I purchased and had to maintain. I am also, only now, receiving medical support for this condition. The machine limits the number of times I stop breathing for more than 10 seconds in the night, and is working well.
During my absence, I caught covid, which was then followed by a chest infection; so this has further hampered my recovery. Unfortunately, the increased flow of air from the CPAP leaves me vulnerable to this.
I am now incredibly physically unfit owing to a complete lack of motivation, extreme fatigue and an inability to exercise.
I have been signed off for a further month. I am hopeful, and also confident, that this will be the last i will need. I have 3 weeks annual leave booked at the end of that month; and I have no doubt that what I have planned will lead to me being so, so much stronger than when I was forced to not work through disability. Hopefully the anxiety treatment will be sustainable long term, and I won't have to suffer again as I have done. I no longer have to worry about the CPAP treatment being ineffective, as this is now being medically monitored.
I will see you all again on 21st October. If I am not completely fit, and hopefully stronger and more resilient than before; then I shall just have to live with it- I do have over half of my working life still to go, and I am sure I will meet more "friends" along the way! I am hopeful that Occupational Health will come up with some ideas to make things a bit easier for me.
