Vowels

It’s like when you’re a kid and highlighters are fun and then later in life you realise they are just sh1t pens taking up too much space that smudge everything and just give the illusion of being productive ( them and you ). Once the allure of the fancy colour wears off, you see what’s really there. Or what’s really not there.

I call one of our mates consonants as his surname is entirely consonants ( I know. I’m a hoot at parties ). Over the years this has evolved a number of times so it now has several branches but my favourite is that he’s known as ‘pisspants’ or ‘puddles’ because a drunk woman in the local once misheard the nickname as ‘incontinent’. Another friend has always been known as ‘Sickers’ or ‘Sycamore’. We have no idea why. Neither does he. It might be he’s embarrassed by it but he claims not to know and so I like to imagine it involves him being sick somewhere ridiculous. Perhaps during a christening.

Sometimes you have to be the wind and sometimes you have to be the tree.

Good news everybody ! Like that fella from futurama

Where do you stand on the little sausages ?

It’s the great beans/spaghetti debate over and over and over and over ( like a primate with a little pair of pan lids )

I am and I think many are. In terms of live football I tend to watch non-league; which is better but you still find a lot of the top level behaviours and negative aspects filtering down and creeping in. Beer though.

I’ve spoken to my friend from Wellington ( he says no offence by the way) and he says he prefers blackjacks

Not better mate; maybe just ‘more equal’ ? Where’s the wink emoji ?

This is just like the Willis/carey/coatsworth debate. The answer is and always has been ‘ all three’

Some of us are beans men, some of us are spaghetti hoops men. And some of us, like me, occasionally treat myself to foodstuffs that don’t come from tins. Think on, gentlemen.

I don’t actually have any pork scratchings ( in a physical sense ). It was very theoretical / conceptual. A so called thought exercise I if it can indeed so be called) if you will ( and I assume you will ).

I wonder how many pork scratchings I can fit in my mouth.

Oooh look at para2kidneys over here. and thus a nickname was born.

From a barrel maker to a pottery wheel hogger. You guys ! Get someone like Harry Manager or Tommy Tactician or Marcelo Motivator or Ivan Innovator.

Sorry? What gives you that idea ? If you had an idea to improve something it doesn’t mean you only watched that thing once. Picking arguments on the internet is your thing. It’s not mine. Enjoy you standard sized snooker balls of a consistent number.

If we painted stripes on it, or just made the observers stand closer to it, it would appear bigger. We need to obscure the view of it from far away to make this reality pronto. Also we could use a complex series of mirrors. Or put magnifying lenses around the perimeter. Or only allow children to attend. Everything is bigger when you're a child. Apart from problems and crippling stress; that's bigger as an adult, I think. I don't really remember my childhood apart from everything being really big.

What is your nickname and why? What is the best nickname you've ever heard and why? If you could choose your own nickname (you can't, I've tried) what would it be and why? The rule of three, ladies and gentlemen. Engagement guaranteed (?).

I feel like their kit would be a crazy Halloween inspired affair. Fans probably wear pumpkins on their heads. No idea if slovenians have Halloween or pumpkins but it’s a nice thought and not the first time I’ve had it

He was always my favourite general. He could read the battlefield like he was reading a gripping yet quite shallow and formulaic novel.

The identity of the team? Well, it’s Leicester City, innit? Good job we don’t pay them to think.

I know nothing about October+ FC. Are they Slovenian or something ? I fancy them for a win to nil providing we still have Stevie Barrels in charge. Yeah that’s right I’m sticking with the barrels thing. Keggy. Should bury him in Kegworth. Got me thinking - why aren’t there more teams named after months ? Then I remembered months aren’t places and satisfied myself that I’d solved the (minutes old) riddle for good.

A 15 year old called ‘Jeremy’ ? I’m calling BS on the whole thing.

I think it would be better if there were more balls and the white one was 50% larger.

Should go back to making barrels !