Miquel The Work Geordie

Best type of turds is a good chat actually For me you can't overlook sheep shit. Fair play to them, they get it perfectly spherical time after time and it doesn't kick up a stink Worst shit for me are those tan coloured dog shits you see, you know they're gonna have the consistency of a poorly whisked angel delight — perilous for pavement pounding as the nights draw in

Say what you like about Nicky Maynard, he never put a foot wrong for us

Handsome but does very little He reminds me of me

Looks terrified of being a professional footballer. Needs moving on, we should've flogged him to Hoffenheim when they were sniffing.

When the opposition counter Wout Faes runs like he's being chased by a wasp. Playing players no one likes and being shite, you have to say it's not great

His squad selections don't feel very forward-thinking. Aluko and Nelson have to be in the mixer now. Because the twats that got us into this mess are showing no signs of getting us out of it.

Hit the target you gimp

Desperate for a left back who doesn't look like he's on some kind of Be a Footballer stag do experience

Small plates merchant, out for me

Please stop over hitting crosses I'm in me knees

Ahhhhhh I think I want the manager gone, ffs

That little bloke for them who looks like a tradey version of Goldberg will score

Hamza has a knack of standing completely still until the ball is about 2 yards away from him, the amount of times people nip Infront of him because he's on his heels is mesmerising

He loves a sausage roll

Post match pint of bleach gonna hit different tonight

Rest in Peace the Carranza avatar

Decent effort from Uncle Jord

None of the players that he's subbed on in the past ten mins or so should be at the bloody club but a handful wanted to chat about a "Rudkin redemption arc" at the arse end of the window

Soumare had his tiramisu for energy and now he's ready to saunter his arse off

I'm not reading all that

Marti gave them all some smack

We got Space Jammed at half time

Because our other left back option is the least cool Scandinavian to ever exist

He won't be scapegoated for the system, he'll be blamed for keeping hold of the ball for too long before the goal

Faes