ramboacdc Posted 5 May 2015 Posted 5 May 2015 Hi All, Bit of a long shot but my ex has decided to stop me seeing my 5 year old daughter (again) over something she has made up and is very trivial. I am unable to apply for legal aid and she is threatening court/cafcass/social services on something completely fabricated. i do have a previous contact order in place which states that contact is to be agreed by both parties but this has now broken down because she won't let me see my daughter. is there any helplines or anything anyone knows or anyone who has any sort of connections that could help me with this? like i said i dont qualify for legal aid but i am still paying off the debts from last time so i will struggle to get any sort of finance for another lengthy (and costly) legal battle. i'm a guy desperate for help here. I've been put on tablets for the stress and anxiety/depression it has caused and just want to talk to someone about this who is outside of my family/friends and not pay out the nose for it. any help is appreciated. also if it helps...she is a Leicester fan
Jon the Hat Posted 5 May 2015 Posted 5 May 2015 Might be talking to Fathers for Justice? From what I have seen they are all about this type of situation. I hope you can sort something out, really tough for you and your daughter. Have you considered that what might seem trivial to you seems really upsetting to your ex / your daughter? I can imagine for example that missing an appointment or two to see her would be really upsetting for a 5 year old and her mum, but seem normal to a dad who had to work instead through no fault of his own.
ramboacdc Posted 5 May 2015 Author Posted 5 May 2015 Have you considered that what might seem trivial to you seems really upsetting to your ex / your daughter? I can imagine for example that missing an appointment or two to see her would be really upsetting for a 5 year old and her mum, but seem normal to a dad who had to work instead through no fault of his own. I take your point there, however within the 3 years the contact order has been in placed i have missed 1 through a pre booked holiday and others have been altered by her mother to suit her needs. but i do understand the point.**Deleted by myself to save hassle that may come. if you wish to know, pm me please** i may ask fathers4justice again but they were not much help last time. if i recall isn't the founding members wife a solicitor? My ex is claiming my daughter is saying she saw me and my new partner having sex in the middle of the day when she was with me. she claims my daughter saw this, i shouted at her to get out and she cried. she is saying this is neglect. I know for a fact that this is absolute BS. Firstly because me and the mrs don't like to do anything like that in the day or night time when my daughter is there because 1. I like to sleep with her door and my door open when she is there so i can hear her when she is with us (she can get bad coughs in the night that lead to her being sick so i don't like to not hear her..even if she does snore!) and 2. we wanted to avoid situations like this. she claimed she was going social services and now she is saying she is going to apply for court. for what i don't know.
ADK Posted 5 May 2015 Posted 5 May 2015 I think the best solution is coming to an agreement with the mother (the ex). Possibly easier said than done of course.
Smudge Posted 5 May 2015 Posted 5 May 2015 One thing is for sure nothing will be solved if you are both in an adversarial position. The main issue is that your child doesn't suffer any psychological trauma through this and she probably will if she sees her parents continually fighting and being denied access to her father. My advice would be to arrange to meet your ex at a neutral place and discuss what affect it is having on your child. Hopefully a remedy can be found from discussing not what is right for you or your ex but what is best for your daughter.
AndyElZorro Posted 5 May 2015 Posted 5 May 2015 What is your ex's home situation like? What is your home situation like? Do you have steady employment? etc etc. The courts only concern is the "best interests of the child", not your interests, or those of your ex's. Make sure to document your efforts, as well as the negative responses of your ex. If this is just a pissing contest you will not get any help - unless you pay through the nose for it. My advice would be to ask verbally for a simple meeting without the child to discuss your ex's concerns, and how you can alleviate them. Be patient and also prepared to be rejected. Follow up with the same request in writing. Make sure the letter is registered post with a tracking number. Be polite. Do not make any kind of threats. Explain the love for your child and how you want to be a valuable part of her life. Keep following this route patiently for at least 6 months. Keep everything. After you have exhausted this route you will have sufficient evidence for a family court judge to issue a new order. Don't worry about court procedures at the moment, just follow the common sense verbal and letter approach. Post back here when these avenues have been exhausted and I'll help you take the next step. Good luck! Yes, I'm a lawyer, but I do not practice in the UK anymore.
MPH Posted 5 May 2015 Posted 5 May 2015 Threaten to send her tickets to Watch Newcastle United. Seriously though... i have two kids... hate to think what it wuld be like if i couldnt see them... Hang in there!
Dr The Singh Posted 5 May 2015 Posted 5 May 2015 Terrible situation!! I would suggest a top notch lawyer if finances are available. Unfortunately I can't help, I hope there's someone here who is a specialist lawyer in this area!!
ramboacdc Posted 6 May 2015 Author Posted 6 May 2015 My advice would be to arrange to meet your ex at a neutral place and discuss what affect it is having on your child. Hopefully a remedy can be found from discussing not what is right for you or your ex but what is best for your daughter. Thank you for this but this cannot happen as my ex will never meet with me unfortunately. Even though i am in a position where i am over the relationship and want to work with her for the best interests of my daughter, she is not there with me on this and does seem to point score or play like that.
ramboacdc Posted 6 May 2015 Author Posted 6 May 2015 What is your ex's home situation like? What is your home situation like? Do you have steady employment? etc etc. The courts only concern is the "best interests of the child", not your interests, or those of your ex's. Make sure to document your efforts, as well as the negative responses of your ex. If this is just a pissing contest you will not get any help - unless you pay through the nose for it. My advice would be to ask verbally for a simple meeting without the child to discuss your ex's concerns, and how you can alleviate them. Be patient and also prepared to be rejected. Follow up with the same request in writing. Make sure the letter is registered post with a tracking number. Be polite. Do not make any kind of threats. Explain the love for your child and how you want to be a valuable part of her life. Keep following this route patiently for at least 6 months. Keep everything. After you have exhausted this route you will have sufficient evidence for a family court judge to issue a new order. Don't worry about court procedures at the moment, just follow the common sense verbal and letter approach. Post back here when these avenues have been exhausted and I'll help you take the next step. Good luck! Yes, I'm a lawyer, but I do not practice in the UK anymore. thank you for this reply. her situation is she has her own place with her fiance. I have my own place with my girlfriend. I have full time employment 9-5 mon-friday. I checked last night and it appears i stopped short of a contact order last time and settled for an agreement between solicitors due to financial constraints so there is no court order/contact order. She did text me yesterday demanding my address saying that she was applying to court after talking to the CAB and i can expect a call from cafcass, however by my understanding here she has nothing she can go to court for surely if there is no contact order for her to cease and cafcass cant be called in unless i am summoned to court to put up a defense? (last time we ended up in front of the magistrate) thank you for your help with this. could you possibly pm me please?
broughtonblue Posted 6 May 2015 Posted 6 May 2015 Feel for you mate, I too have been put on tablets for the same issues you reported, depression stress and anxiety after a recent marriage break up. Unfortunately I can't offer any advice, just wanted to let you know that others are thinking of you!!
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