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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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JakeShingler

JakeShingler

Posted
Posted (edited)

Does anyone else think "Don't fook with Shilpa Shetty" t-shirts would be a good business idea?

Is Shilpa Shetty a parent? Can someone tell me?

Because if she IS....

Then I think we all know who had the best Mother's Day ever!!

Edited by JakeShingler
JakeShingler

JakeShingler

Posted
Posted

To the theme of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air:

South East England, born and raised

On Reality TV, where I spent most of my days

Being racist and acting a fool

Was disgusting, destroyed all the gene pool

When a couple of cells, who were up to no good

Started making cancer in my vaginalhood

I got one bit of cancer and my doctors got scared

They said, "We're putting you on chemo, say goodbye to your hair!"

JakeShingler

JakeShingler

Posted
Posted

Last 1.

I'm not worried she hasn't text me back

I'm not worried about Jezza's dog

I'm not worried I've only got 96 friends

And I know what you're thinking, but I'm not worried about my dad dying of smoking

No, I'm just worried that on April Fool's Day, the bitch will be on the front page of The Sun with the headline: "Gotcha!"

whitlock

whitlock

Posted
Posted (edited)

Josef Fritzl was sentenced to 24hours community service today!

He is going to spend it, trying to teach the McCanns how to lock a fcukin' door!

Edited by whitlock
StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted
Day two in heaven and already Jade Goody is up for eviction
To the theme of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air:

South East England, born and raised

On Reality TV, where I spent most of my days

Being racist and acting a fool

Was disgusting, destroyed all the gene pool

When a couple of cells, who were up to no good

Started making cancer in my vaginalhood

I got one bit of cancer and my doctors got scared

They said, "We're putting you on chemo, say goodbye to your hair!"

Last 1.

I'm not worried she hasn't text me back

I'm not worried about Jezza's dog

I'm not worried I've only got 96 friends

And I know what you're thinking, but I'm not worried about my dad dying of smoking

No, I'm just worried that on April Fool's Day, the bitch will be on the front page of The Sun with the headline: "Gotcha!"

All of them filth but fucking hilarious :crylaugh: !!!

Ultra

Ultra

Posted
Posted
Josef Fritzl was sentenced to 24hours community service today!

He is going to spend it, trying to teach the McCanns how to lock a fcukin' door!

:sick::sick::sick:lol

StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted

Think fast!

F- Fit - is she fit?

A- Alone - Is she alone?

S- Secluded- Is the area Secluded?

T- Time - Its time to rape

----------

My local corner shop claims to be offering a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it.

----------

the_bowman

the_bowman

Posted
Posted

Heading down the road on the way to work, when I saw my neighbour shaking his carpet out on the front lawn.

So I took a stroll over to him and asked "What's up Achmed? Won't it start again?"

Ultra

Ultra

Posted
Posted

A little old lady answers a knock at her door to be met by a travelling vacuum cleaner salesman.

Before she has a chance to say anything, the man tips a bucket full of horse manure over her hallway carpet and explains, "Madam - if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, I will eat what is left."

"Well," she says, "I hope you're fcuking hungry - because my electricity got cut off this morning."

NewquayFox

NewquayFox

Posted
Posted

Paddy says to his mate " I`ve been taking Steroids and have grown a second Willy" His mate says " Anabolic ? Paddy says " No, just a Willy" ;0) :giggle:

lildave3

lildave3

Posted
Posted
Paddy says to his mate " I`ve been taking Steroids and have grown a second Willy" His mate says " Anabolic ? Paddy says " No, just a Willy" ;0) :giggle:

Not Going Out. :P

General Smuts

General Smuts

Posted
Posted

Truly 'orrible joke warning, apologies in advance ...

Did you hear that elton john is singing a memorial song for her funeral like at princess di's?

Cancer in the minge should be expected to reach number one

General Smuts

General Smuts

Posted
Posted

Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.

After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.

The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger.

The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, "You didn't leave an outline."

She says, "Smell the rim."

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

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