The joke thread

[skinnydipper]

Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm so the two decide to go to the doctors to find out why. After a number of tests and questions the doctor suggests that Paddy's wife may be overheating during sex. Paddy refuses to buy a fan so he decides to get his mate round to waft a towel on them during sex. After 20 minutes of wafting, still no orgasm so his mate suggests a swap. " I'll shag her and you waft the towel". Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever. Paddy turns to his friend with a big smile and says ... " and that my old son is how you waft a feckin towel"

Edited 16 July 2011 by skinnydipper

[rico]

The wife said to me this morning "your the laziest bastard i've ever known,pack your bags and fook off"

i said "you pack them then !"

[fatmando]

Hopefully this one's not been done already...

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin...3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought to myself, these buggers have lost the plot!!

[rico]

Hopefully this one's not been done already...

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin...3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought to myself, these buggers have lost the plot!!

[rico]

A girl was granted 2 wishes.

1st she asked for bigger breasts,they instantly grew to 36DD,then she asked for a really tight cvnt,she'll probably ring you later......

[?????]

I was sitting at home last night, rubbing my fingers through my hair.

I thought to myself, i really need to shave my arse

Edited 20 July 2011 by ?????

[MikeyT]

Hopefully this one's not been done already...

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin...3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought to myself, these buggers have lost the plot!!

Ha love it and stealing it.

[Libertine]

A photon checks into a hotel.

The bell hop asks him " Can I help you with your luggage?"

To which the photon replies, "I don't have any. I'm traveling light."

[Libertine]

I'm still angry at my parents for not buying me those expensive roller-blades. Cheapskates.

[rico]

Dear Dierdrie

i was hiding in the bushes spying and w4nking over my neighbour sunbathing topless.

i looked over my shoulder and caught my wife standing there with her arms crossed and just staring at me!

Do you think she is some kind of pervert?

[Wherethefoxhat?]

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse & Alex Ferguson?

Fergie can still play Giggs !!!!

[The Year Of The Fox]

Elton John is playing a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon at Amy Winehouse's funeral.

And no the answer to the joke 'whats pink with cobwebs on it' isn't what most are assuming on here.

its

maddie mcanns pushbike

[The Year Of The Fox]

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse & Alex Ferguson?

Fergie can still play Giggs !!!!

I thought it was-

whats the similarity between imogen thomas and amy winehouse?

they both won't be going giggs anymore

[Wherethefoxhat?]

Apparently Amy Winehouse ìs to be cremated,her ashes are already rumoured to have a street value of £100,000 !!

[rico]

George Best an Alex Higgins are over the moon,they've just heard there's a Winehouse on the way to Heaven !

[LCFC_FAN_1995]

What have Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson got in common?

They both had a 10 year old crack addiction.

[jonthefox]

What have Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson got in common?

They both had a 10 year old crack addiction.

I shouldnt but.........................

[LCFC_FAN_1995]

I shouldnt but.........................

[whitlock]

Amy Winehouse approaches the gates of Heaven and is at the back of a massive queue of people. St. Peter sees her and beckons her to the front. "Am I getting special treatment because of my fame?" she asks. St. Peter replies, "No, we're still waiting for a Norwegian translator for this lot!"

[Libertine]

Someone just accused me of grabbing their buttock. The cheek!

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

Amy Winehouse approaches the gates of Heaven and is at the back of a massive queue of people. St. Peter sees her and beckons her to the front. "Am I getting special treatment because of my fame?" she asks. St. Peter replies, "No, we're still waiting for a Norwegian translator for this lot!"

Not in good taste, mate,

[lcfcadam]

Not in good taste, mate,

To be fair "taste" doesn't really come into the equation in a jokes thread...

[ramboacdc]

not really a joke but it was a question posted on ebay that made me howl.

Q: Hi Boogie, I trust your judgement and, I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it ?

[Guest MattP]

Officials in Norway have revised the death toll from the terrorist attacks down from 93 to 76.

They must have a ****ing good health service over there.

[Guest MattP]

Maddie jokes never were, and NEVER will be funny.

No offence but no one person can decide what is funny and what isnt, some people do find them funny, Frankie Boyle tells them regular and he can shift more tickets than any comedian in Britain.

It's a joke thread, it has to be anything goes.

I