The joke thread

[Darkon84]

.....and David Ngog is worth £7 million!

haha yea, this transfer business is messed up

[Simo86]

I'm now 20 hours into my sponsored semaphore marathon, unfortunately I'm starting to flag quite badly.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

a man goes up to a woman in a club and says "you remind me of my little toe", the girl replies "Why, because im small and cute?" and winks. The man says "No, because im gonna end up banging you on my coffee table later" . . . . .

[Narborough_fox]

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking...

And then I saw her face.

[bigjohn]

The old ones are the best

[Filbert_Ross]

I met i girl in a nightclub last night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside she ran 100 metres in 9.5 seconds.

[Jackirius]

I met i girl in a nightclub last night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside she ran 100 metres in 9.5 seconds.

[Danno]

What do you call an Irish woman with 2 *****?

Jedward's mum.

[rico]

Reebok have released new ultra skin tight cycling shorts for women called 'Mumblers'

You can see the lips move but you can't make out what the twat's saying!

Edited 12 June 2011 by rico

[Fox1651]

a man goes up to a woman in a club and says "you remind me of my little toe", the girl replies "Why, because im small and cute?" and winks. The man says "No, because im gonna end up banging you on my coffee table later" . . . . .

very funny

[Wortho]

Alex McLeish signing Marlon King before leaving Birmingham City Football Club is like doing a massive sh1t in the work toilet before clearing your desk.

[blue blood]

When is a woman offside? when she steps away from the kitchen sink.

[samjohnson]

Alex McLeish quit over transfers. Carson Yeung said to him "Wa yu wan faw playas in suma Awex?" , McLeish replied "6 defenders". Yeung came back with Marlon King. "I said 6 defenders, not sex offenders"

[Wortho]

Went out last Friday and got pissed out of my mind. I woke up next to this sweaty bird, who was snoring, grunting and farting. I thought thank f**k for that, at

least I made it home!

[Wherethefoxhat?]

Let's try again

Put your gags here...

I don't want to come over all politically correct - but if you could all exhibit some self-control that'd be welcome.

Please think twice about the topic...religion, politics and race could well cause a storm of complaints.

[Wherethefoxhat?]

Old Bert dies suddenly and Gert his widows friend says to her .."Sorry to here about Bert ....he was the salt of the earth .....lovely bloke !!"

Gert replies ..."Yes he was & still so active ......we still did IT you know .....every Sunday morning in time with the chuch bells .....

He'd still be alive today if that bloody fire-engine had'nt gone by !! "

[DB11]

Old Bert dies suddenly and Gert his widows friend says to her .."Sorry to here about Bert ....he was the salt of the earth .....lovely bloke !!"

Gert replies ..."Yes he was & still so active ......we still did IT you know .....every Sunday morning in time with the chuch bells .....

He'd still be alive today if that bloody fire-engine had'nt gone by !! "

Doesn't make any sense at all.

[marko]

Doesn't make any sense at all.

Really?

[DB11]

Really?

Well Gert's talking to him/herself. Is it a menstal institute they were in?

Edited 17 June 2011 by DB11

[FoxyPV]

Well Gert's talking to him/herself. Is it a menstal institute they were in?

Wow. Just wow.

This deserves a triple facepalm.

[marko]

Well Gert's talking to him/herself. Is it a menstal institute they were in?

lol

Yeah, you've got it spot on!!!

[The Doctor]

DB11's had a mare there.

[Uncle Phil]

A guy walks into a pet shop and asks to buy a wasp.

The shop owner states that they don't sell them, to which the guy replies "but you've got one in the window"?

[jonthefox]

A guy walks into a pet shop and asks to buy a wasp.

The shop owner states that they don't sell them, to which the guy replies "but you've got one in the window"?

[lcfcadam]

DB11's had a mare there.

Although I get the joke, DB11's actually right - if you take the joke's text literally then Gert is talking to herself... Just a slight error in transcription.