Daggers Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 You can stick your snails and bees up your arse (those of you who either hate snails and bees or enjoy snail/bee anal insertion [*I'm not going to judge]). I have rats. The man came round, surveyed the gallons of rat shit covering my shed and its contents (as if the rats had been carrying out some kind of H-block dirty protest) and agreed, "You have rats!" he said. They've eaten their way through brick, from the sewer, to get to my shed...then eaten their way through the shed and the bin to attack my bin bag. I phoned the council as I was told they'd help me get rid of them. I thought they were going to give me a free rifle with torch and laser sights. If you are after a free rifle with torch and laser sights then don't phone the Council, they don't give you one. In fact they look at you as though you are worth reporting to the police. Stupid council. Stupid rats. * I will.
James. Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 Funny that, I was happily perusing Foxestalk in my bedroom last night when I happened to look up and see a mouse run under my door and into the corner of my room. Embarassingly I soon found myself standing on a chair in the middle of my room. When I realised what a twat I was being I got down to hunt the little bastard. It had disappeared. Fortunately as I rent I've avoided the council and instead have got an upcoming date with Swift Kill Pest Control. I was thinking of creating a poll to determine the most appropriate way for the rodent to die. (Animal rights activists can go f**k themselves)
Zingari Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 can't you train them to attack anyone who upsets you or blocks your driveway ; think positive p.s. call the leader willard or ben
lookwhaticando Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 Funny that, I was happily perusing Foxestalk in my bedroom last night when I happened to look up and see a mouse run under my door and into the corner of my room.Embarassingly I soon found myself standing on a chair in the middle of my room. When I realised what a twat I was being I got down to hunt the little bastard. It had disappeared. Fortunately as I rent I've avoided the council and instead have got an upcoming date with Swift Kill Pest Control. I was thinking of creating a poll to determine the most appropriate way for the rodent to die. (Animal rights activists can go f**k themselves) Speaking of polls, whatever became of your whole polling scheme? I seem to recall it coming to a grinding halt after just two rounds of votes.
THEBIGJOHNSTEADER; Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 can't you train them to attack anyone who upsets you or blocks your driveway ; think positive p.s. call the leader willard or ben I have a mystery bastard slug that comes out at night and leaves his shiny trail all over my living room carpet, anyway last night I went into the kitchen to turn for a glass of water and I happened to tread on something squidgy, the little **** had made the mistake of coming out before I had gone to bed, and some of it's guts were petruding from it's head, but it still kept going. Decided to not give him some salt treatment and instead lift the the bastard up with an old bank statement and sling the squidgy crusader out the window into next doors garden.
Daggers Posted 19 June 2007 Author Posted 19 June 2007 I have a mystery bastard slug We had a family of them that come through a venting brick...the wife wouldn't put down slug pellets because she believes that slugs have now grown immune to them and bred themselves into being super-slugs. Seriously. I had to keep a straight face for the duration of the conversation we had about them. Maybe you have one of them super-slugs? I'd have checked to see he was really dead, he sounds like a Rambo slug to me. A real Clint Eastwood of the slug world.
James. Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 Speaking of polls, whatever became of your whole polling scheme? I seem to recall it coming to a grinding halt after just two rounds of votes. Err yeah damn I thought I'd got away with that. I finished my exams, celebrated, and as a direct result of that, forgot. However I was also struggling for futher analogies (age : underwear, relationship : prison sentence, etc). I'm no Shakesspeare, that's for sure. They will be back though. Much to everyone's relief.
lookwhaticando Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 Err yeah damn I thought I'd got away with that. I finished my exams, celebrated, and as a direct result of that, forgot. However I was also struggling for futher analogies (age : underwear, relationship : prison sentence, etc). I'm no Shakesspeare, that's for sure. They will be back though. Much to everyone's relief. I was so keen to vote in the third, but like a Virgin Train it was always coming but never arrived.
THEBIGJOHNSTEADER; Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 We had a family of them that come through a venting brick...the wife wouldn't put down slug pellets because she believes that slugs have now grown immune to them and bred themselves into being super-slugs.Seriously. I had to keep a straight face for the duration of the conversation we had about them. Maybe you have one of them super-slugs? I'd have checked to see he was really dead, he sounds like a Rambo slug to me. A real Clint Eastwood of the slug world. He did look a little like Rambo, he was in army camoflage, if he comes back I'm going to have civilised words with him, if he ignores me I'll pour salt on him..simple
BartonFox Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 A rat of gargantuan proportions ran in front of me while doing a bit of grocery shopping in Sainsbury's. The f'cker would have been able to push a trolly round and do his weekly if he had been so inclined. I hate rodents, disease carrying scumbags, anyway the manager told me I has seen things and his store was clean. Council are going round to check it out. I blame chavs and their filthy fas food lifestyle and bad dress sense.
Blue Bob Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 You can stick your snails and bees up your arse (those of you who either hate snails and bees or enjoy snail/bee anal insertion [*I'm not going to judge]). I have rats.The man came round, surveyed the gallons of rat shit covering my shed and its contents (as if the rats had been carrying out some kind of H-block dirty protest) and agreed, "You have rats!" he said. They've eaten their way through brick, from the sewer, to get to my shed...then eaten their way through the shed and the bin to attack my bin bag. I phoned the council as I was told they'd help me get rid of them. I thought they were going to give me a free rifle with torch and laser sights. If you are after a free rifle with torch and laser sights then don't phone the Council, they don't give you one. In fact they look at you as though you are worth reporting to the police. Stupid council. Stupid rats. * I will. Did he look like the pied piper? You are more likely to get a flute than a rifle!!!
NorthernFox Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 I used to work at a now defunct supermarket on Evington Road over 20 years ago and one summer the binmen went on strike. At the back of the shop was a mountain of refuse bags of out of date food etc. Well being the young un I was quickly volunteered to don gloves and put bags in nearby skips. It was alright for the first hour - but when the pile got down to the last five feet it started to shimmer/wriggle. I thought it was the heat. How very wrong one teenaged lad could be.... It was like fooking 28 days later meets the Alamo. Hundreds of em... Armed only with a shovel and a wiry brush managed to kill about three whilst the rest scurried off up the street. Still gives me the shivers Btw a good spade across the back of the neck is VERY effective
AoWW Posted 19 June 2007 Posted 19 June 2007 Funny that, I was happily perusing Foxestalk in my bedroom last night when I happened to look up and see a mouse run under my door and into the corner of my room.Embarassingly I soon found myself standing on a chair in the middle of my room. When I realised what a twat I was being I got down to hunt the little bastard. It had disappeared. Fortunately as I rent I've avoided the council and instead have got an upcoming date with Swift Kill Pest Control. I was thinking of creating a poll to determine the most appropriate way for the rodent to die.(Animal rights activists can go f**k themselves) Aw, that's just mean... poor ickle mouse! Seriously, the trick to catching mice is to use a wellie (yes, really... you'll just have to trust me on this... I've years of mouse catching experience... probably best not to ask why/how!) Anyways, you just lay the wellie down, propped alongside the skirting board/base of the wall - hopefully somewhere near where mousie was last spotted - you can usually use the toe of the boot to help prop it up. Now, make sure the opening of the boot hasn't flopped closed. Hover around quietly for a few minutes/hours (semi-darkness helps) until said mouse disappears into the wellie. (BTW, if you're feeling particularly kind, place a tasty offering inside the wellie to encourage it along... forget cheese though, muesli is best .) Quickly, before it reverses out of the boot at high speed, scoop the wellie up and roll the top of the 'leg' over trapping the mouse inside. Mousie can then be safely carried to someplace else, before being unceremoniously upended out of the wellie. NB: often you have to shake the wellie pretty firmly to get 'em to drop out - they can cling on for England - wouldn't be the first time I've bought one back in again! It works... truly, it does!!! As for rats, I've no fooking idea... too big and evil for the wellie trick. The one time the cat bought a live rat in I screamed, slammed the door shut and rang the local gamekeeper in a state of complete panic. He came along and blew it to smithereens... shame about the rather large hole in the wall though!
Guest Posted 20 June 2007 Posted 20 June 2007 Seriously, the trick to catching mice is to use a wellie (yes, really... you'll just have to trust me on this... I've years of mouse catching experience... probably best not to ask why/how!) Cats? Today, we were confronted by a snake. It literally leaped insanely at the door that we wanted to go in, realised it couldn't go anywhere, so we stared each other out until it ran away. I'm well hard.
Guest Posted 20 June 2007 Posted 20 June 2007 Have you tried nuclear warheads? They're quite effective at sterilising the area.
AoWW Posted 20 June 2007 Posted 20 June 2007 Cats? Hmm, just the one... bloody thing! Love him to bits really, just wish he was veggie!
Daggers Posted 20 June 2007 Author Posted 20 June 2007 Today, we were confronted by a snake. The level to which you have now taken this fantasy is quite disturbing. No doubt that this creature too was nothing more than a harmless sheep. All of the snakes in Wales were driven out by Thatcher because they supported the miners. You need help.
The People's Hero Posted 20 June 2007 Posted 20 June 2007 I blame chavs and their filthy fast food lifestyle and bad dress sense. Spot on.
Nationwider Posted 20 June 2007 Posted 20 June 2007 We had a horse outside our front door yesterday. It doesn't really qualify as an infestation though. It's gone now. It was probably owned/held captive by "travellers". Grubby, sh*tty, BMW-driving, trailer-pulling, horse-malnourishing, thieving, fly-tipping, thieving, twatting, thieving travellers#. # may or may not apply
Daggers Posted 21 June 2007 Author Posted 21 June 2007 Grubby, sh*tty, BMW-driving, trailer-pulling, horse-malnourishing, thieving, fly-tipping, thieving, twatting, thieving travellers#.# may or may not apply Could be the same people responsible for the recent plague of Golden Retrievers?
Kent Fox Posted 21 June 2007 Posted 21 June 2007 Grubby, sh*tty, BMW-driving, trailer-pulling, horse-malnourishing, thieving, fly-tipping, thieving, twatting, thieving travellers#.# may or may not apply Well that's got the majority of Medway covered. God - did I really just say that No-one knows where I live, do they????
The People's Hero Posted 21 June 2007 Posted 21 June 2007 Well that's got the majority of Medway covered.
Guest Posted 22 June 2007 Posted 22 June 2007 The level to which you have now taken this fantasy is quite disturbing.No doubt that this creature too was nothing more than a harmless sheep. All of the snakes in Wales were driven out by Thatcher because they supported the miners. You need help. Are you telling me that this is coal dust and not a suntan? Pfft.
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