BoneDog Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 I once had a one-night stand go a bit wrong. Fortunatley I wasn't carved up though. There was this girl who'd been pestering me for months to give her a treat. In the end I gave in and said 'OK love'. Anyway she was goin clubbin one night so we arranged for her to come round mine at half 2 on her way home. She was ginger but I didn't hold that against her cos she was quite fit. Anyways, about half 1 that night I got in the bath and washed me tackle with my housemates Mrs's Timotei shampoo. When she turned up we got straight on the settee and commenced with some heavy petting! I never planned on giving her the whole El Empty treatment, just 10 minutes warm up and then on to the main event so after a short while when our parts were both ready we went to my bedroom. As soon as she whipped her clothes off the pong hit me. And I mean PONG. Woaaaahhh. I could smell B.O like never before and I'd known some sweaty b#*tards. There was another smell too. It was a cross between rotten kebabs (Doner, not chicken or kofte) and crab-sticks. As I'm a nice person and I didn't want to tell her to piss off I tried to carry on with it. I managed about 5 minutes and 'he' just went soft. No chance of re-appearing. I then pretended to be asleep. She clung on to me all night with one leg over my groin area and an arm over my chest, I couldn't frickin move or sleep. For the next week or two she was waiting for me every day when I got home from work but I never let her in my room again and in the end I think she knew what I was saying. The moral of the story is always make sure a ginger has a shower first. Especially if they've been out clubbing for 6 hours.
The People's Hero Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 F**king hell. I've seen some drunken sleepers getting done over in my time. You know, a tower of shoes on their heads, covered in garbage, toothpaste in their ear, shaved eyebrows, mobile phone in mouth, the usual shit. But this?! He must have been WASTED to not even stir during that. Indeed. I once had a one-night stand go a bit wrong. Fortunatley I wasn't carved up though.There was this girl who'd been pestering me for months to give her a treat. In the end I gave in and said 'OK love'. Anyway she was goin clubbin one night so we arranged for her to come round mine at half 2 on her way home. She was ginger but I didn't hold that against her cos she was quite fit. Anyways, about half 1 that night I got in the bath and washed me tackle with my housemates Mrs's Timotei shampoo. When she turned up we got straight on the settee and commenced with some heavy petting! I never planned on giving her the whole El Empty treatment, just 10 minutes warm up and then on to the main event so after a short while when our parts were both ready we went to my bedroom. As soon as she whipped her clothes off the pong hit me. And I mean PONG. Woaaaahhh. I could smell B.O like never before and I'd known some sweaty b#*tards. There was another smell too. It was a cross between rotten kebabs (Doner, not chicken or kofte) and crab-sticks. As I'm a nice person and I didn't want to tell her to piss off I tried to carry on with it. I managed about 5 minutes and 'he' just went soft. No chance of re-appearing. I then pretended to be asleep. She clung on to me all night with one leg over my groin area and an arm over my chest, I couldn't frickin move or sleep. For the next week or two she was waiting for me every day when I got home from work but I never let her in my room again and in the end I think she knew what I was saying. The moral of the story is always make sure a ginger has a shower first. Especially if they've been out clubbing for 6 hours. Unbelievable. At least finish the job my friend?
BoneDog Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 Unbelievable. At least finish the job my friend? I could hardly breath. I should of gone and got a wet flannel and gave her a wipe over, then maybe I would of been able
The People's Hero Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 I could hardly breath. I should of gone and got a wet flannel and gave her a wipe over, then maybe I would of been able She should have done the decent thing and seen the freshen up man before coming over, to be fair.
andyh1884 Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 F**king hell. I've seen some drunken sleepers getting done over in my time. You know, a tower of shoes on their heads, covered in garbage, toothpaste in their ear, shaved eyebrows, mobile phone in mouth, the usual shit. But this?! He must have been WASTED to not even stir during that. According to the Metro it wasn't just booze, he'd taken Valium as well. Helps explain why he didn't wake up when she started carving him up I suppose
Milky Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 I once had a one-night stand go a bit wrong. Fortunatley I wasn't carved up though.There was this girl who'd been pestering me for months to give her a treat. In the end I gave in and said 'OK love'. Anyway she was goin clubbin one night so we arranged for her to come round mine at half 2 on her way home. She was ginger but I didn't hold that against her cos she was quite fit. Anyways, about half 1 that night I got in the bath and washed me tackle with my housemates Mrs's Timotei shampoo. When she turned up we got straight on the settee and commenced with some heavy petting! I never planned on giving her the whole El Empty treatment, just 10 minutes warm up and then on to the main event so after a short while when our parts were both ready we went to my bedroom. As soon as she whipped her clothes off the pong hit me. And I mean PONG. Woaaaahhh. I could smell B.O like never before and I'd known some sweaty b#*tards. There was another smell too. It was a cross between rotten kebabs (Doner, not chicken or kofte) and crab-sticks. As I'm a nice person and I didn't want to tell her to piss off I tried to carry on with it. I managed about 5 minutes and 'he' just went soft. No chance of re-appearing. I then pretended to be asleep. She clung on to me all night with one leg over my groin area and an arm over my chest, I couldn't frickin move or sleep. For the next week or two she was waiting for me every day when I got home from work but I never let her in my room again and in the end I think she knew what I was saying. The moral of the story is always make sure a ginger has a shower first. Especially if they've been out clubbing for 6 hours. Is there really any need for comments like this? God help up if i were to say it about an asian or black girl!
Cobbo Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 Is there really any need for comments like this? God help up if i were to say it about an asian or black girl! Are you Dave Kitson?
Dr The Singh Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 Are you Dave Kitson? I was thinking Shaun out of Eastenders!!!
Master Fox Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 I was thinking Shaun out of Eastenders!!! I was thinking Dale Winton
Dr The Singh Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 I was thinking Dale Winton Does he have ginger pubes???
The People's Hero Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 I was thinking Dale Winton You're ALWAYS thinking Dale Winton, dearie!
Cobbo Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 Does he have ginger pubes??? No, he has ginger skin.
GLC Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 I once had a one-night stand go a bit wrong. Fortunatley I wasn't carved up though.There was this girl who'd been pestering me for months to give her a treat. In the end I gave in and said 'OK love'. Anyway she was goin clubbin one night so we arranged for her to come round mine at half 2 on her way home. She was ginger but I didn't hold that against her cos she was quite fit. Anyways, about half 1 that night I got in the bath and washed me tackle with my housemates Mrs's Timotei shampoo. When she turned up we got straight on the settee and commenced with some heavy petting! I never planned on giving her the whole El Empty treatment, just 10 minutes warm up and then on to the main event so after a short while when our parts were both ready we went to my bedroom. As soon as she whipped her clothes off the pong hit me. And I mean PONG. Woaaaahhh. I could smell B.O like never before and I'd known some sweaty b#*tards. There was another smell too. It was a cross between rotten kebabs (Doner, not chicken or kofte) and crab-sticks. As I'm a nice person and I didn't want to tell her to piss off I tried to carry on with it. I managed about 5 minutes and 'he' just went soft. No chance of re-appearing. I then pretended to be asleep. She clung on to me all night with one leg over my groin area and an arm over my chest, I couldn't frickin move or sleep. For the next week or two she was waiting for me every day when I got home from work but I never let her in my room again and in the end I think she knew what I was saying. The moral of the story is always make sure a ginger has a shower first. Especially if they've been out clubbing for 6 hours. quality click the face
BoneDog Posted 6 February 2009 Posted 6 February 2009 Is there really any need for comments like this? God help up if i were to say it about an asian or black girl! I really thought I was gettin a bollockin there for a minute. Took me a minute to realise! It was only a joke, I've got ginger mates.
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