Bellend Sebastian

I can't imagine the people of Dorset getting up to stuff like this, it's all far too nice for that. They just need to cut these stupid high hedges down a bit

The blooming roads themselves. I'm staying in deepest darkest Dorset and you cannot get to the accommodation without driving down the narrowest lanes I've had the stress of ever driving down. They really are something else - I have a rule that if there's grass growing down the middle of the road, or loads of stones in the middle of it, you've gone wrong. Every road is like that here

I'm always pleased to hear about a repair being done properly. I've had/seen so many that have been shite that sometimes you begin to wonder if it's possible for a good job to be done

That's a problem I really relate to

I really feel that I've lost my guiding star

I just rely on the lilting Irish tones of my dentist to calm my body and mind. I've said on here before that I fell asleep when he was doing a root canal filling on me so it definitely works

Having had one out under local "anaesthetic", I would say being put under for this procedure is very much for the best

My 93 Twitter followers (mainly bots, some friends that haven't been on it since 2015) will be bereft

Have you taken your tax free cash already? If so, anything else you take out will be taxed the same as earned income. Assuming you're a basic rate tax payer, If you wanted £1000 after tax, you'd need to take out £1250 as you'd lose 20% of that as tax, unless it fell within your personal allowance. May seem harsh but don't forget you will have had tax relief on your contributions to the scheme, and you get 25% of your fund back tax free

I thought The Lighthouse was amazing, but must admit I hadn't realised that The Northman was directed by the same guy until after I'd seen it. Wasn't aware of The Witch, I'll check it out, thank you

I hit it with a hammer after I caught her trying to steal my collection of Stephen Mulhern figurines, that she looks so pleased with herself just adds insult to injury really

I don't like the look of those buttons in the bottom corners, it's got fancy things I don't need

The only way we can settle this is we find a pair of identical twins who are bright but have never had a smartphone, give one an iPhone and one an Android device, and get them to mark them out of ten after a couple of weeks of using them. It's incredibly scientific, not flawed in any way, and it MAKES SENSE. Nobel prize to the usual address, please

It varies from device to device and will depend on to what extent the manufacturer has messed about with it. I get two buttons on mine when I get a call, one saying 'answer', one saying 'decline', which I can just about cope with (it's always 'decline'). My wife has a Samsung and I think she has to drag to answer but aren't there little chevrons indicating the direction to get what you want?

Watched The Northman on Prime last night, the latest in a series of films very strongly recommended to me that I couldn't be bothered to watch at the time they came out and now I've watched it I think it's great and why didn't I watch it earlier?

Guardian describing it as a "shock decision". Have they been on holiday without the internet or something?

Thank f*** for that. "They won't do anything at the weekend" according to the finger on the pulse political podcast I was listening to yesterday

I've been using it for 14 years so I know it pretty much inside out. I've been forced to familiarise myself with iOS because pensioners in my family keep buying iPhones for no particular reason and I'm their tech support. Once you're immersed in one universe that's it really isn't it? I'm only really in the Android one because in 2010 the tech sites I trusted said the best phone money could buy at that point happened to have Android. I could just as easily have decided to buy an iPhone and have locked myself into iOS instead. Needless to say that was the first and last time I had the best phone money could buy. I think the main advantage of Android is that it's available on much cheaper devices

Going from Android to iOS: You're not HAL9000 you know Going from iOS to Android: What is this sprawling mess

Put on my trail shoes and went up to Bradgate this evening. Loved it, there's basically nobody there after about 8pm. Need to get off the road a bit more, I was crap but had forgotten how much fun running on surfaces other than tarmac can be

Charmingly unhinged front page from today's Daily Mail with bonus Dorries for good measure:

In the world's worst people chart I'd say that they're near the bottom, along with people that don't return their shopping trolleys to the little shed thing, those that make up football transfer rumours and sex offenders

Fan made trailers for things that don't actually exist and notifications of same. The ultimate in time wasting for both content creator and those tricked into watching them

I'd broadly keep the limits the same but have cameras everywhere and change the points system so you don't get as many chances to avoid a ban. I know people who drive like maniacs the whole time and have done multiple speed awareness courses that they never seem to learn from

It's why I've decided I never want a brand new car again. I get stressed about tiny things happening to it, let alone anything actually bad