Daggers

I’ve got to remove the bandages in a minute. Not keen. It’s not because I fear pain - I am a man after all, a man who has drunk a fortifying large gin. I am not keen because I’m worried they operated on my toe and replaced it with someone’s penis.

Brilliant. I was worried there wasn’t going to be any funny calamitous Tory news today. 😂

Yes. But even I’d prefer him to this… Which will end spectacularly badly. It’s such a ridiculous idea I’m going to treat myself to a gin.

Just say Big Sam then

It won’t. Moreover, he’ll not find the same level of buy-in. As others have said, he’ll be out before this time next year - but then he will be a few million better off for it so I can’t blame him.

Once in a while someone is smart enough to spot the set-up 👏

It’s between Paul Ince and Antonio Conte, for me.

Meh.

Those graphs are enough to make me develop a fondness for Harold Shipman.

We are where we are Again

It’s going to be a veeeeery long season.

Doing the job so it’s about him. Zero concept of the role as a service.

I loved the NC500

I don’t speak to anyone in my family. Last time was around ten months ago and the conversation lasted for less than a minute and consisted of me uttering monosyllablic noises. Give me a weird stranger any day.

“It’s the last thing Putin will expect…”

How long have you got? Outside of the top 6 tourists, Leeds have the most delusional fan base. Just go look at Kieran Maguire’s Twitter; he posts the actual accounts and you’ve got dimwits who know nothing arguing with him. Actually, that makes them sound a lot like us. Damn.

Check out the reasons it was scraped, then see who in the military is calling for it, and finally factor in what the military actually want. It was, is, and will remain an idea for elderly white people who never did conscription and like to wank over thatched cottage pictures on chocolate boxes. And there’s the real problem - thatched cottage pictures no longer appear on chocolate boxes, maybe that is why the are so pissed off and want to destroy the country. £12 on Etsy if you know such an angry old person.

"Chaps, I don't think I've done enough to guarantee I won't have to do this shit job anymore. Anyone got any decent ideas that would really piss off almost everyone?"

Ladies and gentlemen, Whoever did this is the absolute wind-up GOAT.

Starting Welcome to Wrexham and already love them all over again - especially Rob, wearing earphones to blend in with those in the quiet zone was just top drawer quality.