Fostering/Adoption

[MPH]

So my wife and I are thinking about fostering/ adopting.

 

its really been something we have been thinking about for a while now. Obviously it’s all new to us so i was wondering if there is anyone here who has any experience as a foster parent/ adopting a child  or maybe you  were fostered? i appreciate it might be a sensitive subject if you were involved so if you’d prefer to DM me instead of telling your story for all to read that would be great also.

 

 

Id just be grateful for any advice/ stories you might have. 

 

 

 

 

we have two boys right now and we thought maybe one child but it would break my heart to see siblings separated so really we’d go with that the need is..

Edited 15 January 2019 by MPH

[Nick]

I have a bit of experience with this. I’ve got a fair bit on today and tomorrow so probably a good approach might be through DM or a phone call later this week.

 

[BeardyFox]

Glad you started this topic. 

My partner and I have been looking in to adoption, it seems unlikely that we would be able to have a child naturally so this looks the best option. 

We went to a meeting at the council hall last year, which was informative but any real life experience and help would be appreciated. 

[foxfanazer]

5 hours ago, MPH said:

So my wife and I are thinking about fostering/ adopting.

 

its really been something we have been thinking about for a while now. Obviously it’s all new to us so i was wondering if there is anyone here who has any experience as a foster parent/ adopting a child  or maybe you  were fostered? i appreciate it might be a sensitive subject if you were involved so if you’d prefer to DM me instead of telling your story for all to read that would be great also.

 

 

Id just be grateful for any advice/ stories you might have. 

 

 

 

 

we have two boys right now and we thought maybe one child but it would break my heart to see siblings separated so really we’d go with that the need is..

Not got any experience but just wanted to say that it takes special kind of people to do something like that so best of luck and massive respect to you

[Mayofox]

My wife and I can provide you with info.  We fostered in the UK some 30 years ago, and have been fostering in Ireland for 15 years. There's always a need for new foster parents, and in fact there are currently ads on TV here seeking new recruits. It doesn't have to couples, single applicants are just as welcome. Check the website www.nfa.co.uk.

 

Please e-mail me, I hope I can help.

 

Edited 15 January 2019 by Mayofox

[MPH]

3 hours ago, Swan Lesta said:

I have a bit of experience with this. I’ve got a fair bit on today and tomorrow so probably a good approach might be through DM or a phone call later this week.

 

 

cheers bud! id happily chat on the phone but i live in the states these days so it might be an expensive call.

 

its your call ( pun intended haha)

[MPH]

3 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Not got any experience but just wanted to say that it takes special kind of people to do something like that so best of luck and massive respect to you

appreciate that thank you 

[Guest]

Adoption is a full and enriching action. Depending on where (your location and the child/children) you are adopting the rules and regulations can be strict and though perhaps necessary I feel too restrictive. Think carefully about the age and background of the child that you wish to adopt.

 

It's fulfilling but not always easy. 

[cambridgefox]

4 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Not got any experience but just wanted to say that it takes special kind of people to do something like that so best of luck and massive respect to you

Agreed.

My wife’s brothers are adopted,although she isn’t.

You wouldn’t know,the mannerisms are taken from their parents.

Not once have they tried to look for their natural parents as far as they are concerned they are/were their only parents.

My wife’s mum went through Banardos before that.

We all donate a little each month to them as it’s close to our lives.

To all that have or are thinking about it utmost respect indeed.

[SpacedX]

1 hour ago, cambridgefox said:

My wife’s brothers are adopted,

 

So was I. 

 

1 hour ago, cambridgefox said:

 

You wouldn’t know,the mannerisms are taken from their parents.

 

Speaking from my own experience, it's part nature part nurture - and without them knowing their biological parents, you can't actually say.

 

1 hour ago, cambridgefox said:

Not once have they tried to look for their natural parents as far as they are concerned they are/were their only parents.

 

I have. My Mum is Welsh and my Dad Irish who ****ed off back to Dublin shortly after I was born. I was subsequently raised in London and here by my adoptive parents. Identity and a sense of belonging can be an issue, but that depends on the individual. As half Irish, half Welsh I am a complete celt (at least I think that's what they called me), brought up in England. At least it gives me a 50/50 stake in the Six Nations I suppose. 

 

1 hour ago, cambridgefox said:

To all that have or are thinking about it utmost respect indeed.

100%

[MPH]

31 minutes ago, Line-X said:

So was I. 

 

Speaking from my own experience, it's part nature part nurture - and without them knowing their biological parents, you can't actually say.

 

I have. My Mum is Welsh and my Dad Irish who ****ed off back to Dublin shortly after I was born. I was subsequently raised in London and here by my adoptive parents. Identity and a sense of belonging can be an issue, but that depends on the individual. As half Irish, half Welsh I am a complete celt (at least I think that's what they called me), brought up in England. At least it gives me a 50/50 stake in the Six Nations I suppose. 

 

100%

 

 

Thanks for commenting.. i have a couple of questions if you don’t mind...

 

 

Do you think it’s possible for adoptive parents to try too hard to reassure kids/ love kids?

 

Part of me is concerned that i’ll be so determined to love  the children through self absorbed reasons that i’ll end up suffocating them with love when really some times kids just want to be kids and have fun

[SpacedX]

2 minutes ago, MPH said:

 

 

Thanks for commenting.. i have a couple of questions if you don’t mind...

 

 

Do you think it’s possible for adoptive parents to try too hard to reassure kids/ love kids?

 

Part of me is concerned that i’ll be so determined to love  the children through self absorbed reasons that i’ll end up suffocating them with love when really some times kids just want to be kids and have fun

I think that whether you are adopted or not, there is never too much love. It needn't necessarily be demonstrative though, there are other implicit ways that children detect this too. In the case of adoption, it should not be compensatory. It takes a great deal of compassion to adopt a child and that in itself is far reaching. This love is self evident I think although parents express their love in many different ways - particularly through their actions and deeds which come naturally. The most important thing is that your adopted children know and appreciate that they are loved and valued equally. 

[Nick]

2 hours ago, MPH said:

 

 

Thanks for commenting.. i have a couple of questions if you don’t mind...

 

 

Do you think it’s possible for adoptive parents to try too hard to reassure kids/ love kids?

 

Part of me is concerned that i’ll be so determined to love  the children through self absorbed reasons that i’ll end up suffocating them with love when really some times kids just want to be kids and have fun

It’s a balance.

 

You need to go steady - many kids who have been through multiple placements have attachment issues and too much love at once can be smothering as they can feel they don’t deserve it and behavioural issues including harm to themselves can ensue. Read up on attachment disorder stuff. Don’t let my comments put you off but be aware of what you might be taking on.

[Bob Farley]

On 15/01/2019 at 03:23, MPH said:

So my wife and I are thinking about fostering/ adopting.

 

its really been something we have been thinking about for a while now. Obviously it’s all new to us so i was wondering if there is anyone here who has any experience as a foster parent/ adopting a child  or maybe you  were fostered? i appreciate it might be a sensitive subject if you were involved so if you’d prefer to DM me instead of telling your story for all to read that would be great also.

 

 

Id just be grateful for any advice/ stories you might have. 

 

 

 

 

we have two boys right now and we thought maybe one child but it would break my heart to see siblings separated so really we’d go with that the need is..

Sorry to bump an old thread. Did you guys take the jump? I’m currently in the process to become a foster career so interested in hearing people’s stories. 

[MPH]

1 hour ago, Bob Farley said:

Sorry to bump an old thread. Did you guys take the jump? I’m currently in the process to become a foster career so interested in hearing people’s stories. 

 

Yesterday we were given emergancy custody of 5 ( FIVE!) siblings! We have two of our own so overnight we have gone from a family of 4 to a family of 9.

 

Now I know that’s a little extreme, but first thing I will say already is that fostering is a personal sacrifice. It settles down once the kids get settled , but you know that couple of hours you used to play online games with? GONE. you might get some time here and there after the kids are settled but it’s few and far between. 
 

it’s very rewarding though... that gradual realization from the kids that actually here is a person that won’t beat the crap out of me, that will spend time with me, that will listen to me is just heart warming.

 

The greatest gift you can give these kids is you’re time.. although that’s the same for any kid really.  

I’ll post more when I get a chance to but, incredibly we also had 4 other kids  come spend the day with us and I am worn out ( we are very blessed with a large yard, trampoline, swing set, converted basement with pool table that was left fir when we moved in)

 

Stay in touch!

[Bob Farley]

5 hours ago, MPH said:

 

Yesterday we were given emergancy custody of 5 ( FIVE!) siblings! We have two of our own so overnight we have gone from a family of 4 to a family of 9.

 

Now I know that’s a little extreme, but first thing I will say already is that fostering is a personal sacrifice. It settles down once the kids get settled , but you know that couple of hours you used to play online games with? GONE. you might get some time here and there after the kids are settled but it’s few and far between. 
 

it’s very rewarding though... that gradual realization from the kids that actually here is a person that won’t beat the crap out of me, that will spend time with me, that will listen to me is just heart warming.

 

The greatest gift you can give these kids is you’re time.. although that’s the same for any kid really.  

I’ll post more when I get a chance to but, incredibly we also had 4 other kids  come spend the day with us and I am worn out ( we are very blessed with a large yard, trampoline, swing set, converted basement with pool table that was left fir when we moved in)

 

Stay in touch!

Wow that’s amazing. Well done to you guys. Thanks for sharing. 

[Fox in the North]

I’ve been fostering my nephew for past 2 and a bit years and it’s been a privilege. Yes he’s an absolute chaos merchant (who isn’t when they’re 3 years old?), but I can’t imagine my life without him now. He is with us till he’s 18 (unless my wife and I apply for guardianship or adoption).

 

At the time, we had to jump in or he would have been adopted out of the family. 

 

We’re expecting our newborn niece (from the same sister) within the next week or 2. It’s going to be so weird caring for a newborn as my nephew came to us when he was 8 months old 

 

Scary but exciting times ahead too! As MPH has said it truly is very rewarding.

Edited 6 February 2021 by Fox in the North