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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Narborough_fox

Narborough_fox

Posted
Posted

old news but:

I bumped into Sian Massey in the street today. I said, "Are you aware of the uproar caused after you officiated at the Liverpool v Wolves game? I mean, two Sky Sports pundits were..."

"Yeah yeah," she interrupted. "Tell me something I don't know."

So I explained the offside rule.

davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

old news but:

I bumped into Sian Massey in the street today. I said, "Are you aware of the uproar caused after you officiated at the Liverpool v Wolves game? I mean, two Sky Sports pundits were..."

"Yeah yeah," she interrupted. "Tell me something I don't know."

So I explained the offside rule.

Well it would have been slightly funny if she hadn't known itdunno.gif Might have been better, in this instance to tell the two ex Sky pundits the rule as they're the ones that got it wrongtongue.png

dhermon

dhermon

Posted
Posted

A friend of mine just started his own business.

He manufactures land mines that look like Muslim prayer mats. He's doing very well.

He says prophets are going through the roof

Len Finsbury

Len Finsbury

Posted
Posted

I was lying next to my new girlfriend and I said, "you're different to all the other girls I've slept with."

She said, "that's because I'm a bloke, you twat."

That's what I love about Martin... She's got a great sense of humour.

  • Like 1
mowmacrefox

mowmacrefox

Posted
Posted

The Sun: Maddie is in the US

I must say the poor little girl is one hell of a swimmer to have got to America after her mum tied all those rocks to her and threw her in the Med.

:ph34r:

You sick CVNT

Narborough_fox

Narborough_fox

Posted
Posted

Teacher: Okay class what does your father do for a living?

Billy: He works as an exotic dancer in a gay bar, and for the right price he goes to a seedy motel and sleeps with the punters.

Teacher takes billy out of class and ask`s: Was that true?

Billy: No he really plays cricket for Australia but i was to ashamed to say

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

  • Like 2
Guest BlueBrett

Guest BlueBrett

Posted
Posted (edited)
the jokes weren't tacky enough

lol Bet you're proud of that one!

Edited by BlueBrett
Forfoxsake1

Forfoxsake1

Posted
Posted

Two couples are on holiday. The husbands Paul and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap. Amazingly they agree but Paul knows his wife is on her period so he has got one up on Dave. They agree that at breakfast they'll tap the spoon on the table however many times they shagged the others wife. Paul grins and taps the table twice, looks across at Dave who smiles then taps once on the jam and three times on the Nutella.

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