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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

I've started off a trend here.

If you mean telling crap jokes then no that started a long while ago.tongue.png

FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

The wife was having a go at me recently:

W: You don't get on with my parents.

M:That's normal. Nobody gets on with their ex.

W:Oh my god, have you fooked my mum?!

M:No

Wymsey

Wymsey

Posted
Posted

A young girl tells her doctor she's got a discharge,

Doctor: pull your knickers down.

He fingers her and says 'how does this feel?'

Youngster: 'Yes very nice, but i got a discharge in my ear'. >_<

Narborough_fox

Narborough_fox

Posted
Posted

I know we are all gutted about not hosting the World Cup, but at least we will get to see the Qatar national football team! The commentary is going to be amazing:

Muhammad passes to Muhammed who gives a glorious through ball to Muhammad, Muhammad shoots, Muhammad scores. The crowd explode with excitement!

52,000 people die in that explosion.

  • Like 2
Jackirius

Jackirius

Posted
Posted

I know we are all gutted about not hosting the World Cup, but at least we will get to see the Qatar national football team! The commentary is going to be amazing:

Muhammad passes to Muhammed who gives a glorious through ball to Muhammad, Muhammad shoots, Muhammad scores. The crowd explode with excitement!

52,000 people die in that explosion.

:unsure:

  • Like 2
FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.

Father Ted

Father Ted

Posted
Posted

Am I missing something here? How is that funny?

The wife was having a go at me recently:

W: You don't get on with my parents.

M:That's normal. Nobody gets on with their ex.

W:Oh my god, have you fooked my mum?!

M:No

Lcfcman2010

Lcfcman2010

Posted
Posted

In the sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire, lives a woman called Linda Lykes, she is the landlady of the local pub, The Cockwell Inn, for some unknown reason, she gets embarrassed whenever she receives her post...

Linda Lykes

The Cockwell Inn

Erbum

Tillet

Herts

  • 1 month later...
MikeyT

MikeyT

Posted
Posted

Just saw this joke posted under a youtube video and it made me giggle a tad. :)

a blonde is watching a news programme, and the news anchor reports, a brazillian man died and the blonde says, "Oh my god, how many is a brazillian"

Jimothy

Jimothy

Posted
Posted

Wayne Bridge is apparently having it away with Frankie Sanford, that must be the first time in years he's made any effort on a Saturday.

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