The joke thread

[Nod.E]

Laws of Albert Square

-No party may take place without some sort of argument/fight.

-There must be at least one affair on the square at all times otherwise Dot Cotton will perform a striptease in the Vic.

-No-one under the age of 40 is allowed a successful wedding/marriage. Any that seem to be going well must be broken up by a murder.

-If someone does not have a job, they are allowed free drinks in the Vic at all times. Otherwise the crowds would not be as big for the monthly fights.

-The only restaurants Walford inhabitants are allowed to eat at are Fargo's or the Argy Bhaji.

-Dot Cotton must make one Bible quote per episode.

-If you do not drink alcohol, you MUST drink orange juice.

-If someone leaves the square, a remaining member of the family must visit them for a ridiculous period of time at some point.

-Grant Mitchell is never allowed in the square for more than a week.

-Any new inhabitant must make an arse of themselves in the Vic within the first week of living there.

-Washing Machines are strictly prohibited inside any building other than the laundromat.

-All wedding receptions MUST take place in the Queen Vic.

[AoWW]

The best engine in the world is the womens Fanjita(aka vagina!)

It takes any size piston.

Its self lubrication.

Starts with one finger.

And every 4 weeks it does its own oil change.

Pity the management system is SO fcuking tempremental!

Sadly, it so rarely get the specialist servicing it needs. Too many bloody amateurs trying to tinker with stuff they know nothing about.

[Raj]

Sadly, it so rarely get the specialist servicing it needs. Too many bloody amateurs trying to tinker with stuff they know nothing about.

[syston_fox]

Sadly, it so rarely get the specialist servicing it needs. Too many bloody amateurs trying to tinker with stuff they know nothing about.

[The People's Hero]

Babies bad day

Okay, you are two years old and are up way past your nap time. It has been a hard day filled with bug and worm eating. You've been told that you can't have another piece of candy. Your cheeks, both sets, have been patted, pinched, and if you were my child, slapped. Your diaper is wet, or is carrying a concealed stinky-poo-poo, and truth be told you just aren’t feeling very fresh. And just when your senses are just about fried, your parents – the bastards – tell you not to stick the knife into the electrical socket on the wall.

Baby, to sum it up, you’ve had better moments.

Methinks its time for a temper tantrum. What say you?

[lookwhaticando]

I'd heard of that bloody

Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it."

:laugh: :laugh:

fooking brilliant.

Sadly, it so rarely get the specialist servicing it needs. Too many bloody amateurs trying to tinker with stuff they know nothing about.

Some things are best kept to yourself.

[Lisburn Fox]

Tommy walks in on his Mum & Dad Sh*gg*ng, Dad just looks up and laughs and throws a pillow at the lad,

Tommy storms out, a little while later the Dad hears a comotion from the next bedroom and pokes his head through the door to have a look, there is Tommy Sh*gg*ng his Gran, Tommy looks up and says "not so *****ng funny when it's your Mum Is it"?

I'm here all week

[Nod.E]

Problem?

you tosser.

blame it on uncyclopedia and the people on their if you can't let yourself find that funny.

sorry but you really do talk ( or in this case, use symbols ) To talk down to people. The reason i barely come on this site anymore. Slate me all you like

Ohhh... and get a life pal. what is it 19,000 posts or something ridiculous like that? Jesus christ mate.

Edited 6 October 2007 by number 1

[AoWW]

Problem?

you tosser.

blame it on uncyclopedia and the people on their if you can't let yourself find that funny.

sorry but you really do talk ( or in this case, use symbols ) To talk down to people. The reason i barely come on this site anymore. Slate me all you like

Ohhh... and get a life pal. what is it 19,000 posts or something ridiculous like that? Jesus christ mate.

:eek: Erm, yeah... bloody hell - don't hold back on letting folks know how you feel, will you? *would add my usual range of emoticons here but too scared they may be misinterpreted!*

[Nod.E]

:eek: Erm, yeah... bloody hell - don't hold back on letting folks know how you feel, will you? *would add my usual range of emoticons here but too scared they may be misinterpreted!*

Nothing wrong with letting rip on FT every now and then. Releases a little tyre pressure

Besides he's a very patronising person, or atleast thats the way i see it. Either way i hate it. Just thought i would kindy inform the kind chap.

[AoWW]

Nothing wrong with letting rip on FT every now and then. Releases a little tyre pressure

Besides he's a very patronising person, or atleast thats the way i see it. Either way i hate it. Just thought i would kindy inform the kind chap.

I'm sure he'll consider himself duly informed.

"kindy" *snigger*

...oops, is that patronising?... waits to be blacklisted too... shit, now I'm worried - gonna be a sleepless night

[Nod.E]

I'm sure he'll consider himself duly informed.

"kindy" *snigger*

...oops, is that patronising?... waits to be blacklisted too... shit, now I'm worried - gonna be a sleepless night

bravo.

[Raj]

I'm sure he'll consider himself duly informed.

"kindy" *snigger*

...oops, is that patronising?... waits to be blacklisted two... shit, now I'm worried - gonna be a sleepless night

Typical teachers.....

As if they never make mistakes!!!

[Nod.E]

Typical teachers.....

As if they never make mistakes!!!

aaaaah shes a teacher?

that explains it all.

Edited 6 October 2007 by number 1

[AoWW]

aaaaah shes a teacher?

that explains it all.

That I can use apostrophes and capital letters correctly, you mean?

[Nod.E]

That I can use apostrophes and capital letters correctly, you mean?

Something more along the lines of talking down to people.

Evidently proven in this last post funnily enough.

[AoWW]

Something more along the lines of talking down to people.

Evidently proven in this last post funnily enough.

:laugh: It's what I do best, I'm afraid.

I taught TPH all he knows! Well, actually, that's a lie... but the sentiment was a good one.

[Nod.E]

:laugh: It's what I do best, I'm afraid.

I taught TPH all he knows! Well, actually, that's a lie... but the sentiment was a good one.

That would actually make a lot of sence.

hurrar.

[Kilworthfox]

What does an Essex Girl do with her arsehole after having sex?

She takes him down the pub!

what does a bored lesbian do when she has her period?????????????

finger paint .......................

Two blondes were filling up at a petrol station when the first one said to the other, "I bet these awful petrol prices are going even higher". The second blonde replies, "It won't affect me. I always buy exactly £10 worth".

[lookwhaticando]

That would actually make a lot of sence.

Tragic. :pinch:

Two blondes were filling up at a petrol station when the first one said to the other, "I bet these awful petrol prices are going even higher". The second blonde replies, "It won't affect me. I always buy exactly £10 worth".

:laugh:

:thumbsup:

[Raj]

3 fastest means of communication.

1- tele-phone

2.-tele-vision(?)

3.tele-woman

Still want faster????

Tel her not to tell anyone!!!

[AoWW]

3 fastest means of communication.

1- tele-phone

2.-tele-vision(?)

3.tele-woman

Still want faster????

Tel her not to tell anyone!!!

Surely there's a faster one still?

1*) Tele-pathy (a rather frightening skill that most women seem spookily adept at!)

[lookwhaticando]

Surely there's a faster one still?

1*) Tele-pathy (a rather frightening skill that most women seem spookily adept at!)

Small wonder then that so many of the girls near me need glasses.

[Rincewind]

What's the difference between a shift worker and a student?

One is shagged out by working

the other

works out by shagging

[Raj]

Chelsea FC unveil new aftershave in Club Shop.

Its called 'The Special One' by U Go Boss!