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BigGibbo

How Was Your Day?

By BigGibbo, in General Chat

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Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
What is the best way of gaining a large* sum of insurance money for killing a wife without a) being caught or b) having to return any of the money?

*Large has to be at least half a million

Buy a canoe.

Tell her your off for an adventure weekend.

Loose your Paddle.

Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
Can you help me with an investment.

I have £15 and i want to own an empire by the time i'm 21.

Ideas...

Cheap Romanian Hookers.

Easyjet flight special offer (99p excluding taxes, that sort of thing)

Pimp away my friend.

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
I am verging on a state of extreme apoplexy due to the rank stupidity of someone who should have known fucking better.

What's up? Or shouldn't I ask?

Daggers

Daggers

Posted
Posted
What's up? Or shouldn't I ask?

One job - one damn thing to sort out and six flipping months to do it in...only someone forgot to read the dates of the ferry booking and match them correctly to the days the dog was booked into the Bide-A-Wee Holiday Home for Dogs. Anna Friel is being notified of a possible vacancy as I write.

I'm the one who has to pay for the damn ferry to be rebooked to return early and I'm the one who didn't prebook a Stockport ticket because he thought he'd be off his tits on cheap French booze.

Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
Everyday since i've been back in this country has been fcuking awful, and only likely to get worse. Great.

With hindsight, you should have gone to a country that was so drab, boring and gloomy that returning to Blighty would be fantastically fun.

Like Wales.

Daggers

Daggers

Posted
Posted

pis.jpg

I like it when crappy things turn into good things - I have a ticket for Stockport winging its way to me and I'm buying my train ticket now.

Now I just need a pub... :celebrate:

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

Happy days, Mr Dave!

My day has improved by seriously pissing off a cold caller who tried to lie to speak to my boss. "My colleague spoke to him, back in May or June". I think you'll find he didn't. I win. :cool:

Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
Happy days, Mr Dave!

My day has improved by seriously pissing off a cold caller who tried to lie to speak to my boss. "My colleague spoke to him, back in May or June". I think you'll find he didn't. I win. :cool:

I told our receptionist to say the following in a bid to deter cold callers:-

Caller "Can I speak to the Manager"

Recptionist "Is this a cold call?"

Caller "No I spoke to him/her last week"

Receptionist "If you can tell me his/her name, I'll put you through...."

Works a charm :D

The People's Hero

The People's Hero

Posted
Posted
Just booked next Monday and Tuesday morning off so I can scoot up to North Yorkshire next weekend after the MK Dons game and spend a few days with the missus. Lovely stuff.

How were you feeling yesterday, pet?

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
I told our receptionist to say the following in a bid to deter cold callers:-

Caller "Can I speak to the Manager"

Recptionist "Is this a cold call?"

Caller "No I spoke to him/her last week"

Receptionist "If you can tell me his/her name, I'll put you through...."

Works a charm :D

I have used that method before, although slightly modified.

Caller: Can I speak to the IT manager?

Me: Which one?

Caller: The manager for IT?

Me: Which one?

Caller: The IT manager for <company name>

Me: Which IT manager would that be?

Caller: The one responsible for IT

Me: I would have thought by now that you would have gathered that there is more than one IT manager.

Caller: Oh, I need to speak to someone about <insert drivel>

Me: None of our managers take cold calls

Caller: This isn't a cold call

Me: So who do you want to speak to?

Caller: The IT manager

Me: If you give me a name, I can put you through

Caller:

I do like it when they slam the phone down on me. I then know that they are indeed pissed off, and my work is done.

Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
I have used that method before, although slightly modified.

Caller: Can I speak to the IT manager?

Me: Which one?

Caller: The manager for IT?

Me: Which one?

Caller: The IT manager for <company name>

Me: Which IT manager would that be?

Caller: The one responsible for IT

Me: I would have thought by now that you would have gathered that there is more than one IT manager.

Caller: Oh, I need to speak to someone about <insert drivel>

Me: None of our managers take cold calls

Caller: This isn't a cold call

Me: So who do you want to speak to?

Caller: The IT manager

Me: If you give me a name, I can put you through

Caller:

I do like it when they slam the phone down on me. I then know that they are indeed pissed off, and my work is done.

Do you want a job?

:D

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
Do you want a job?

:D

Do you like to have regular cups of tea?

Do you like to have someone to fetch your lunch for you?

Do you want your diary managed, and all necessary paperwork for meetings handed to you in labelled plastic wallets?

Do you want to make calls as and when you please, and never have to take another fecker again?

If so, I am the lady for the job.

As well as healthy remuneration, I require access to FT throughout the working day, and Facebook.

Thank you.

Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
Do you like to have regular cups of tea?

Do you like to have someone to fetch your lunch for you?

Do you want your diary managed, and all necessary paperwork for meetings handed to you in labelled plastic wallets?

Do you want to make calls as and when you please, and never have to take another fecker again?

If so, I am the lady for the job.

As well as healthy remuneration, I require access to FT throughout the working day, and Facebook.

Thank you.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

We have to allow facebook, you get a quicker response than sending an email in most cases.

What do you do now?

I can assure you, what ever it is, it doesn't even come close to the glitzy world of financial services. We have Nescafe Gold Blend ;) .

Ps. Will you be in the Swan on saturday pre-game? Can I say hello? :D

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
Yes. Yes. Yes.

We have to allow facebook, you get a quicker response than sending an email in most cases.

What do you do now?

I can assure you, what ever it is, it doesn't even come close to the glitzy world of financial services. We have Nescafe Gold Blend ;) .

Ps. Will you be in the Swan on saturday pre-game? Can I say hello? :D

I am currently PAing on a full time basis, but will be dropping down to 2 days a week in time for the new Uni year (job share).

My boss is the IT director of a retail chain, and my other boss is one of his direct reports. We have Dowe Egberts now I am in charge of the beverages!!

PS. I will be in the Swan. I will be the one not drinking beer!!

Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
I am currently PAing on a full time basis, but will be dropping down to 2 days a week in time for the new Uni year (job share).

My boss is the IT director of a retail chain, and my other boss is one of his direct reports. We have Dowe Egberts now I am in charge of the beverages!!

PS. I will be in the Swan. I will be the one not drinking beer!!

Me too :whistle: .

Ahh. Well your job sounds cushty. I have failed to mention yet that our head office is in Northants, you would have to report to a psychotic coke-snorting office manager who spends most of her day appologising to the boyfriend that she knocks about. And we get burgled on average, 6 times a year. So hefty amount of cleaning is involved.

On the plus side, our boss is the single most lovely man ever.

And we have jelly babies.

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