'They thought I was dead'

[The Reverend]

Interview

'They thought I was dead'

By Richard Sadlier

Sunday January 06 2008

On August 28 last, while on loan at Leicester City, Sunderland defender Clive Clarke suffered a cardiac arrest leading to the abandonment of their game at Nottingham Forest. We met on Wednesday in Manchester, with news of Motherwell captain Phil O'Donnell's death fresh in our minds.

Clarke was my room-mate while we were on U-21 international duty in Macedonia many years ago, and went on to win two senior caps.

Still unable to drive, his wife Sally drops him off. This was never going to be a chat on his highs and lows of 2007.Do they know what caused it yet?

No, they reckon they won't know, it's one of those sudden death syndrome things, one of those freak things, something like one in a few million chance of it happening, some figure like that.

Any exercise these days?

I'm back doing a bit of exercise on my own. At the training ground I'm not allowed go on any of the machines. I went in and did a couple of days a while ago but they told me for legal reasons I couldn't anymore. One consultant had to be backed up by other consultants; one couldn't give me the go-ahead on his own, which he did initially. I'm waiting for the third opinion now.

And what device were you fitted with?

It's called an internal defibrillator. Similar size to a pacemaker, well it's a pacemaker as well. It's a bit more advanced than a pacemaker.

And it's there to do what exactly?

It's just a back-up really, in case the same thing happens again. It kind of monitors the heartbeat, so that if it reaches a certain rate, it gives you a shock and brings you back to normal.

Do you remember much about it?

No.

You were in the dressing room?

Yeah, we came off at half-time; I felt a bit dizzy in the game.

A different kind of dizzy to anything before?

No, it was like that. A bit more than normal though. Felt a bit shit. Went down to the dressing room. Manager started talking, then I just went bump. I was sitting down at the time. Next thing I was ko'd. Don't remember any of it. Just remember waking up in the ambulance.

You woke up before you got to the hospital?

Yeah, woke up with some guy standing over me with these defibrillator shock things in his hands.

Did someone go with you?

Yeah, the physio. Well my missus didn't know until after. She didn't have the TV on.

So at what point did your parents hear what had happened?

They heard on the TV, on Sky Sports News. They were trying to get through on the phone to the club, and to Notts Forest. But they couldn't get through. There were a lot of people ringing in at the same time so they couldn't get through. They got in touch with the hospital. They heard I was brought to hospital. I spoke to them when I came round. It was a bit mad for them.

How long was it between when they found out something was wrong and when they spoke to you?

About an hour really from the time they found out. It all happened quite quickly. I came into the A&E and was then moved up to the intensive care ward. I was sitting up, the physio was ringing my family to let them know what had happened, I was having a quick word with them.

Were you in pain at the time?

Well yeah, cos I had a massive bump on my head from when I had fallen. I was a bit dizzy from all that as well. With everything that was going on, it was all a bit mad, a bit surreal.

What was the scene like for the lads in the team?

They said it was frightening. They thought I was dead. That's what they said. The two lads beside me were obviously down straight away trying to help me. They said they just saw my face. I had swallowed my tongue at the same time.

What does that look like?

I think I was just choking, gagging sort of. I don't know really, I'm kinda just going off what they said cos obviously I never saw it. I've spoken to them since about it. I spoke to Shaun Newton who was there, I'm big pals with him from when I was at West Ham. He had to get out of there. He said he was in tears. He went on the pitch and cried. He thought I was dead, cos the manager came out and said 'I think he's gone', then rang my agent and said 'I think we might have lost Clive'. A bit mad hearing it back like that.

How is it talking about it now? (His eyes are welling up)

Yeah, when you think of it, you get a bit emotional. Especially when you think of what happened to the guy last week. It brought it all back hearing what happened to Phil O Donnell. Scary really.

What was your reaction to that news?

Ah, I was devastated for him and for his family, you know, I'm one of the lucky ones I guess. Especially seeing him getting stretchered off and I just think I was so lucky that it happened in the dressing room.

Do you think that's the difference then?

I think so. Reading between the lines, he might have had something similar to me. They might not have reacted quickly enough on the pitch, cos between them I didn't see any sign of a defibrillator, and that's what I needed. I don't know the ins and outs of what happened to him, but I know people wouldn't have acted so quickly if maybe 20,000 people were watching what was going on.

Do clubs have remote defibrillators?

Well, a lot do, and I'm sure they'll all try and get them in now that this happened to me, and an even bigger effort now that they've seen what's happened to him. I was the lucky one out of all of us.

Looking back, were there any warning signs that you may have missed?

No, initially I said nothing really ever happened, but then I was thinking I'd been dizzy a few times. I remember the previous year I was away with West Ham and had to come off for a few minutes in the first pre-season game. I was getting dizzy and my vision was all blurry so I had to ask the manager to come off for a few minutes. He just laughed, probably thought I'd just been on the piss or something.

In fairness I would've thought the same. So if you get the all-clear to crack on, what do you do?

Exactly that. Crack on. Go back to Sunderland to work on my fitness and take it from there. I don't think I can look too much further than that. If anything jumps up in the meantime obviously I'll have to reassess everything. If everything goes smoothly, get fit again and build up my confidence and hopefully I'll get back playing.

When do expect to hear from that third consultant?

Well as soon as possible really, hopefully get a date in mind that I can start working to.

What do your parents and Sally think?

My parents are obviously happy I'm still around, and they know I love playing football. They'll support whatever decision I make. My wife's a nurse so she knows a bit more about these things. She's quite happy to go with the consultants' decision. She wants me to be happy and she knows that'd make me happy, once she knows I'm not putting my life in any danger

When we were out before Christmas, both myself and Kenny (Cunningham) thought that you seemed the happiest you've been, and you said the same yourself. What do you think that's from?

It's been great spending time with my family. I think when you play football you kind of just have the blinkers on. You don't think all that much about what else goes on in your own life and in other people's lives. Then something like this happens, you look at the bigger picture. I'm a lucky man. I've a wife and a young baby I love very much and I've a job I love that pays well.

So if you return to football, will those blinkers go back on do you think?

I think in football you listen too much to what other people think.

Like who?

Well like Roy Keane. Once I'm happy with how I am and what I do, I think I'd take things like that with a pinch of salt. I'd like to think if I did get back I'd be a better player. You know, people knock your confidence. I think you have to realise it's just a job as well. You know you can get a bit carried away with going out, drinking, with the whole lifestyle, I think my priorities have changed.

So do you think you got carried away with the other stuff?

Oh of course, I think if you're in the game long enough you do. I think you were in the same position a few years ago as I'm in now. You look at the bigger picture. You get carried away, cos I suppose you're in a kind of a shell. I want to get back enjoying it again, and not give out about everything, especially me, you know moaning about everything. Those sorts of things don't really matter really, do they?

And (Niall) Quinn's position is what?

Ah he said he'd do all he could for me and the family to help us through the period. Told me the club would stay behind me for the remainder of the contract.

So they're going to honour the contract regardless of the surgeon's news?

Well that's what they said. I think it sums up Niall really, that's the kind of man he is, he's an honest bloke. It's not just a business to him; he actually cares about the lads he brings into the club, and I'm obviously very grateful to him for that. I've 18 months on my deal, so if I don't get back, I'll still have income for not just six months [clubs are only required to pay a minimum if six months in cases of early retirement]. I know things change, but hopefully they won't. It'd look very bad for them now if they didn't.

And Keane?

Well I was never really part of his plans, and that's not going to change just cos something bad has happened. I've no real need to talk to him. He's the manager alright, but obviously there are people at the club more important than him, the chairman, people like that.

So have you had a conversation with him at all?

I spoke to him a couple of times at the club and he rang me when it happened which was nice of him, but we're not very pally so there's no real reason to speak to one another. I probably speak to him more than the players who train there every day even now. He's going around booting chairs and throwing things. He's never going to give you confidence, he doesn't talk to lads. If the lads at Man Utd couldn't reach the standards he wanted, and they're some of the best players in the world, then it's going to be a lot harder for the lads at Sunderland to reach them.

If you return, won't it be in your mind all the time? How will you deal with that?

The way I look at it, if you have a bad knee injury, you're waiting for that first challenge to come in, and you get confidence then when it comes and you get though it. It's the same for me, if I get to a heart-rate that I know I can work at, I'll get confidence from that.

Are you the first to attempt this? You said earlier nobody else usually survives this, let alone tries to play again.

There's nobody who's had an arrest who plays again. I just have to take it one step at a time. But the device I have fitted has a reading on it. As long as that's closely monitored I should be alright. I suppose after a period of time, maybe after a pre-season where you push your body to the limits, then I'll know what's what.

Is it because of the greater demands on footballers nowadays that this has happened?

Maybe. Setting targets of getting below 10 per cent body fat or whatever, that doesn't suit everyone. It's mad, you're called fat if you're 11 per cent. If you push yourself to the limit, at times something will give.

So if you get news you don't want to hear in two weeks, what happens then?

Don't know. If I got to play for four or five years I'd be delighted, but if retirement was to happen straight away I'd have to obviously think of other roads to go down.

Are any roads opening up at the moment?

Media would be nice, but I don't know if it's for me. Coaching is definitely for me, I'm going to get my badges either way, regardless of the news I get. I'm only turning 28 next week so I'm young enough. It's no age really to be sitting here, the two of us discussing retirement -- and you've already retired. My solicitor has said there may be a role for me at his firm, that's something I might do. Ideally I'd like to get something away from football too. It's hard to get a job in football that pays the way, as you know.

Does the waiting not piss you off?

Yeah, big time. It's the same questions from everyone, and I don't have an answer for them. I just try and put a positive spin on it for them, even though I know in the back of my mind it's kind of 50-50.

Does it not ever become tiresome 'putting a positive spin on it'? I did the same, and it used to do my head in.

Yeah, if you have five conversations in a day, it's five different versions of the same story. It's just repeating it again and again. It does annoy me, ye. And the FA don't seem to be in any rush.

What's prolonging it?

Initially I was told I was grand to play again, then they changed their mind. Maybe people are running scared maybe afraid of being sued. Obviously in case something goes wrong after they give the go-ahead.

But you surely must see this isn't just like getting an opinion on your knee or ankle? If there's a recurrence, it could be a big deal.

I think you have to listen to the consultants. They're the experts; they're the ones with the qualifications. They're not going to say go and play if they're not 100 per cent sure, are they? Obviously there's an element of risk, but there is with everything I suppose.

Won't that play on your mind?

I think it will. But I think it's something that in time will fade. But I won't know unless I do it. I've no answer to give to that until I do it and see. If I think it's holding me back, maybe I'll reassess. Even if I got the go-ahead, I won't be stupid. Life's more important than playing football.

You do seem generally happier. Clive 'the cloud' Clarke isn't as evident anymore. You did have this amazing ability to see negatives where none of us could.

I think a lot of that was being sarcastic and just messing. And just in football. You do that for banter. It was being around Kenny so much I think. He's the most positive man in the world.

So you thought a balance was needed?

Yeah maybe, but I think some of him has rubbed off on me now. It's something I admire a lot in him and something I think I'm better at now. I feel happy. When you're in football, it can get you down. People see the nice side of things, but they don't see the knocks and the bad days and all the disappointments. That can get you down. When you're in football you can get caught up too much in all that.

So do you think a life outside football might even suit you better?

I'm not bothered. I'd miss the banter, the jack-the-lad shit. But I've been lucky, having played first team football for around nine years. I'd miss it, and I suppose the luxuries would go, but overall I'd be happy enough moving on. Having a wife and a kid has made a huge difference.

How's fatherhood impacted things?

Oh, it's all you live for. Waking up in the morning and getting a smile or a hug, it makes your day. Knowing she was nearly taken away from me makes me appreciate her all the more. You appreciate things in life a lot more after what happened. She's 15 months now, wasn't even a year old when it happened. To think I could never have had a conversation with her. I don't get down in the dumps about stupid things anymore; just enjoy things a bit more.

So getting in Keane's plans doesn't feature in your mind anymore?

No, obviously he was never that keen. He wants to go a different route with the position and that's fair enough. That's football, the way it goes. It doesn't bother me now.

We carried on this conversation over a pint, and I found myself relating to so much of what he said. A shared sense of regret, almost guilt, for failing to fully appreciate what I had, and a new-found comfort in realising the world still turns whether you can kick a ball or not. The before-and-after comparison in him is stark, and maybe it required a near-death experience to bring about the change.

Whatever the future holds for Clarkey, I couldn't help get the feeling he'll be happier than ever, and deservedly so -- regardless of what the consultant says.

- Richard Sadlier

[Simi]

Very good read that, sounds like he's very keen to get back playing, I really do hope he does not rush things though. He's a very lucky man. Especially when we see some of the recent happenings.

Sounds like Keane is really a prize tit and a bit of lose cannon.

[Jay]

Very good read that, sounds like he's very keen to get back playing, I really do hope he does not rush things though. He's a very lucky man. Especially when we see some of the recent happenings.

Sounds like Keane is really a prize tit and a bit of lose cannon.

Yep it's good honest read and you just hope he makes the right choice for his future, I would walk away if I was him it must be hard thing to admit but he has to the best for him and his family long term.

as for Keane this bit stands out...

I spoke to him a couple of times at the club and he rang me when it happened which was nice of him, but we're not very pally so there's no real reason to speak to one another. I probably speak to him more than the players who train there every day even now. He's going around booting chairs and throwing things. He's never going to give you confidence, he doesn't talk to lads. If the lads at Man Utd couldn't reach the standards he wanted, and they're some of the best players in the world, then it's going to be a lot harder for the lads at Sunderland to reach them.

sounds like he's not quite the brilliant manager everyone in the meida thinks he is that's a pretty damning account of how he runs his club but I imagine most journos wil still be wanting bum love with him!!

[Leicester Lass]

That's a great read.

[MikeyT]

Cheers for posting that mate!

Made a very interesting read!

[Thracian]

It will soon be illegal to die or take ill. The insurers won't give cover for it and people will simply not be able to afford to do it.

If insurers are so concerned why shouldn't Clarke be able to sign an insurance disclaimer and play again if he wishes. I think it is diabolical that he should be prevented from training, working out or playing because some medic might not agree with another.

In fact the influence which medics and nsurers have on our lives is getting increasingly oppressive.

[demon_dog]

Don't think Keane would be to happy if he read this.

Just like to say good luck to Clive for the future.

[Bert]

It will soon be illegal to die or take ill. The insurers won't give cover for it and people will simply not be able to afford to do it.

If insurers are so concerned why shouldn't Clarke be able to sign an insurance disclaimer and play again if he wishes. I think it is diabolical that he should be prevented from training, working out or playing because some medic might not agree with another.

In fact the influence which medics and nsurers have on our lives is getting increasingly oppressive.

I'm sure they'll get sent to prsion for that.

I just hope Clive makes a full recovery and we see him playing at the Walkers again, even if it is against us.

[George]

Clive Clarke top man , good player aswell , on loan at us last year was very effective.

Get well soon

[filbertboy]

excellent read ! thanks for posting it !!

Just wanna wish Clive well and hope he continues to imrove....

after reading this confirmation then that Keane is a prized tw*t

[the_bowman]

I'm sure they'll get sent to prsion for that.

I just hope Clive makes a full recovery and we see him playing at the Walkers again, even if it is against us.

Or they might even re-introduce the death penalty

[davieG]

Best of luck to him whatever the outcome.

No mention of Allen thumping him so I suppose we can put that malicious gossip to bed.

[SamL]

Thanks for posting it. He seemed like an alright lad when he was with us. A very steady performer.

I wish him well with his recovery and hope whats happened doesn't put him off.

Good luck Clive.

[Tevez]

Very good read. Hope you come back in the near future.

[lavrentis]

Cracking read!

[Asha]

Yeah good on him. Can't be easy looking back even now. Would be great if he came back to football, but wouldn't blame him if he decided otherwise.

[Unit]

Best of luck to him whatever the outcome.

No mention of Allen thumping him so I suppose we can put that malicious gossip to bed.

eh? I remember when it actually happened I was phoning friends who weren't at the game and there were rumours that Allen had nutted calderwood etc etc but i didn't know any rumours actually stuck?

Either way, decent interview, keane sounds like the willy puller i always imagined him to be.

Good look to clark

[gosfox]

Puts things into some kind of perspective when things like this happen......Glad Clive is on the mend and it would be fantastic to see him pull his boots on again

Good post by the way

[Ultra]

Best of luck to him whatever the outcome.

No mention of Allen thumping him so I suppose we can put that malicious gossip to bed.

I doubt it.

Whether there was any truth in it, it was a very handy card for certain elements of the fanbase to play.

He obviously wasn't flavour of the month with Keane, but the guy's record as a title-winner as both player and manager speaks for itself, and deserves more credit than some on here give it.

Despite the optimism in the interview, I suspect that Clarke knows that the Phil O'Donnell episode last week has probably wrecked any hope of his own career ever resuming, at least at professional level.

But it's good to know that Sunderland have indicated a wish to look after him and his family. I'd also like to think that City will do something to help him out - a testimonial perhaps?

[WetFlannel]

Good to hear he is well...

I hope Leicester do something to thank him, even if he wasn't here long

[Flynny]

Quite insightful. Sounds like Martin Allen and some others were pretty shaken if they actually thought he was dead.