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General Smuts

FT Rap Battle Season 2 - Round 1

By General Smuts, in The Music Forum

Round 1  

26 members have voted

  1. 1. General Smuts Vs Finners

    • General Smuts
      8
    • Finners
      18

  2. 2. Fez Vs Nationwider

    • Fez
      15
    • Nationwider
      11

  3. 3. Fox You Forest Vs Stez

    • Fox You Forest
      10
    • Stez
      16

  4. 4. El Empty Vs Trav Le Bleu

    • El Empty
      16
    • Trav Le Bleu
      10

  5. 5. MTWG Vs AFiE

    • Michael The Work Geordie
      16
    • A Fox In Essex
      10

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General Smuts

General Smuts

Posted
Posted

Round 1. Fight!

General Smuts Vs Finnegan

General Smuts

I ryme so powerful i'll break your legs like Hot Chip

Who d'ya think your kidding with Rivers Cuomo schtick

Stayed at home all week trying to suck your own dick

Cos you read on 4Chan that Prince removed a rib

Not even gonna mention Wales and all thier epic fails

My rap cuts you deep leaving nowt but entrails

Finners rap shit is weak, compared to my beats it pails

I hear he likes fooking sheep while he grips on thier tails

Your footballing skills are all pace and no finish

Reminds me of a G i once knew named Elvis

The body of Mr Muscle, the mental age of Nussul

Lacks the capacity to solve a Sudoku Puzzle

You tremble with each diss, you wake up covered in piss

I leave you fearing the Smuts, you've gone and moistened your nuts

This contest is for winners, not losers like Finners

For Smuts the ladies swoon and they come and get thier dinners.

Finnegan

Leicester's Finest Fox? Boy thinks he's so rude.

He's somehow convinced his bitch he's a dude.

Bunks up with this lady when he aint givin' head,

Between him and her rack there's three tits in her bed.

Last time out you got served by the Nussl,

Out in your own game to a twelve year old's husstle,

An emo who's "gangsta", are you trippin' man?

You're tragic like date-rape and Maddy McCann.

Ya the "General" of Smut now, is that shit a scam?

You can't pull rank over Jon Steader, man,

Or the Master of Foxes, that mofo's insane,

It's time we considered a change to your name.

Since you carry a hard-on for Fez and the Katy,

Your new FT name "Give me Bevan's Baby!!"?

Don't really matter though, kiddo, I know,

Cos by the end of the round ya'll just be "Finners' Ho."

Fez Vs Nationwider

Fez

Turn up the ghetto blaster, I'm the lyrical master,

I serve empirical pasta, I learnt to cook it much faster,

With me they wanna come dine, cos my hors d'oeuvres are divine,

they want em time after time, queue out my door in a line,

My lines show dextrous agility, my mind's got extra facility,

And my text shows ability, I don't get vexed by hostility,

You live in the North East, the part of us we love least,

I'm rising up like yeast, your chances are deceased,

You're hated cos you're a taxman, old like Jeremy Paxman,

I'm in like VVS Laxman (he's an Indian batsman),

Why the name Nationwider? Did Thracian decide it?

I order poon on my rider and I'm never denied it,

You know it's not the early nineties any more grandad,

my rap skills are so mad, that I'm declaring Jihad,

this might seem contradictory, I don't care about victory,

Just vote for me and you'll see, just how damn good I can be.

Nationwider

Now let me tell a story 'bout a guy called Fez

Likes to think he's cool but his real name's Les

He's 47, bald and drives a taxi cab

And wears a corset and a bra to support his flab

Still living with his mum, the dismal scrote

Watches endless repeats of Murder She Wrote

Couldn't help his fixation with Angela Lansbury

'Til the stalking chrges stuck in 1993

Thinks he's such a player on Foxestalk

Posting all the time like he can talk the talk

But 'fraid to go to matches, the truth is grim

He sends his nextdoor neighbour Derek to pretend he's him

Derek is just Fez's little slag

Running up and down the country with his little flag

While Fez lurks in his bedroom in darkest Northants

Listening to The Feeling in his underpants

Fox You Forest Vs Stez

Fox You Forest

Going out in the first round, Don't worry Stez

You could still win, Like last years cheat Fez

Doris-ist tells me you found it hard to rhyme

If you can't do the time don't do the crime

Stezario moderator to the stars

I hope you're ready for some lyrical scars

I'm sure superior kestevan will be proud

I can hear you now "katy turn that music down it's so bloody loud"

I see your pretending to be aged fifty

What lies I'm told you're still pretty nifty

The knight rider theme tune floats your boat

What a shit verse I'll get my coat

I'm running out of stuff Smuts had me in a rush

Hope he finds some cream to clear up that thrush

On to the next round no LD3

I predict El Empty to be the next victim of me.

Stez

fox you forest, what can one say? i could write an essay, dissing him is like child's play

clothes from e-bay, as manly as ballet, drinks Beaujolais, in a gay way.

despite all that, he's hardly a prat, the boy forest should be a florist,

an essay on him would deforest charnwood, leaving it mud now that would

be a shame, it's just this rap game makes me wanna maim, shame and declaim

all in his name.

he's a foxestalker what i've not met, he owes me that debt and yet

the boy's a space cadet, so he'd probably forget, the stupid gett.

he drinks hot tea, his prostate make him wee, wet patch down to the knee

his mum won't let him have a key, despite his plea to those further up his family tree

he's no political detainee

my sound is not fresh, some might say, fez is eminem to my dr dre

fox you forest is snow,is that low? well i'm here to inform you, if his rap's blue

he'll feel the end of my shoe, the butt of a cue and a put down from siouxsie sioux

will that do? here's a clue, of what i'll do to you and your sorry little crew

last verse, call the nurse, before it gets worse, too late call a hearse

fox you forest is on the scrap heap, but before you weep, like sheep

think deep, you'll read his and fall asleep, i had a peep, it was quite a feat

like a fire with no heat, a brush with no sweep, to be indiscreet it was; *beeeeeeep*

El Empty Vs Trav Le Bleu

El Empty

So, it's battle time, El Empty verses Trav Le B?

Ya got no chance yout, I bin barrin since b4 Ice T

Do ya really wanna get busy with me?

Before ya drop a line it'll be D D T

I take it youz French by your name my man

Well I'd call Joe le Taxi, get in, and scram

Cos you up against Empty, more caps than Thuram

My knowledge is deep, 3000 years like Wizard Shazam

I'd bin round world before you knew about beef

I reckon youz bout as good lookin as that Lemon, Keith

If we was Native American you know I'd be Chief

An if we was in prison you'd be bitch, I'd be slippin on sheath

Trav might have a few lyrics, but bredda ya got no flow

After she seen me rampin on stage I'd be humpin ya Ho

It'd be un, deux, trois and she'd scream 'Woah, Empty, slow

An when she came back to you she just won't wanna know

Trav Le Bleu

He called El Empty, him who dreamt he, could pre-empt me,

but he ain’t amped see, now don’t tempt me, cos it’s too easy.

I ain’t break no sweat, cos he’s no threat, and I would bet

he need to go in debt, enuff rhymes to get, but I got the set.

Sez he shagged a jobo, or was it a hobo, maybe a homo

– sho’ nuff weren’t Flo-Jo, but wait a mo, I think I know!

It gives his pencil lead, getting’ wid da dead, dreaming in his bed,

wanna give ‘em head, in the bike shed, sniffin’ up da tread.

Normal and straight, well not him mate, he’s outta date

ain’t on my plate, so clear the slate, I won’t hesitate.

To bump, set, spike it, beat da drum kit, bass up strike it

get him to hike it, cos he won’t like it, when I come to mike it

E to the M to the P T Y, I can see why, he make babies cry,

when he walk by, and birds just die, dropping outta da sky

Should be El Chumpty, cos he a numpty, all humpty dumpty,

no bump-de-bump he, takes the lump see, up the rump, weeeeeeeeee!

MTWG Vs AFiE

MTWG

The guy's from Essex, that shit 'aint worthwhile,

The women are orange, the men are infertile,

Some folks may say that that's a bit harsh,

But the places best export is Jodie fooking Marsh.

Thinks he makes people laugh, coming on the forum,

In actual fact all he does is mother****ing bore 'em,

He's a fake, a phony, a liar, a fraudy,

Gettin' his arse handed to him by the little Working Geordie.

On FT all day, what exactly does he do?

Oh surprise, surprise, he's listening to Muse,

And picking on Ash because of views,

On Monkeyboy Gallagher's new line in shoes.

Right, gettin' bored now, 'bout had enough,

'Cos since verse one I've been thinkin' 'bout muff,

And what would fooking happen if I got Marsh up the duff,

Best to avoid it, and take it up the chuff.

He 'aint no hero,

'Aint got no cape,

As Pardew would say,

You just got "raped".

AFiE

Well here it is Round Two, let’s hope he’s turned up this time

MTWG went AWOL before coz I’m so sublime

He couldn’t handle my anti-Saturdays or Turkish jibes

But now he’d best be hoping Smuts will be accepting bribes

I know that this first round tie will be a rout

Coz I’m so good I should be on Nick Cannon’s Wild ‘n Out

Like Fred West I’ve sealed his doom in my own back yard

And no thesaurus, I haven’t had to try that hard

He’s tried scare tactics, he sent me threatening PMs

But he’s about as scary as the spokes-Polar Bear for Iced Gems

I apologise for a little product placement

But I fancied a brief rest from this MTWG debasement

He should just bow down to me, his lyrical superior

Of course, why lie, I know my motives are ulterior

I felt so cheated just to be a semi-finalist

This time my destiny’s to become the gold medallist

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General Smuts

General Smuts

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Finners, Fez, FYF, Empty and myself for me.

Well your getting Fez next round for that <_<

An if we was in prison you'd be bitch, I'd be slippin on sheath

Love that El Empty eludes to bumming Trav Le Bleu if they were in prison together. Not only that but for fear of the aids he'll use protection! HAHAHAHHAHA lol

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

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Love that El Empty eludes to bumming Trav Le Bleu if they were in prison together. Not only that but for fear of the aids he'll use protection! HAHAHAHHAHA lol

I do have a sexy ass! :thumbup:

EDIT: It's EL who has AIDS, he's just being considerate!

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General Smuts

General Smuts

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Shame Manwell Pablo made it up. :thumbup:

So anyway, when does voting close? Not until you're winning I presume Karl ;)

Did he? Oh bollocks i thought that was really original as well. fook.

Normally about 3 days but yeah, as soon as im ahead voting will close :P

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BoneDog

BoneDog

Posted
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Love that El Empty eludes to bumming Trav Le Bleu if they were in prison together. Not only that but for fear of the aids he'll use protection! HAHAHAHHAHA lol

:D Was a rush job this morn and that line come to me at the last minute when I was Pm'in it to ya.

If I get to round two I'm gonna put the hours in next time

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