Rincewind Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 Just an idea. In another thread someone mentioned this poem so I thought that we could have a poem or an extract from a book and others could pass their opinions on it. Of course constructive critism would be preferred. Just saying 'it's crap is not enough. I am not very good at this myself TBH but I'll give it a go to try and give an idea of what's needed. The Charge of the Light Brigade Alfred, Lord Tennyson 1. Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. "Forward, the Light Brigade! "Charge for the guns!" he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 2. "Forward, the Light Brigade!" Was there a man dismay'd? Not tho' the soldier knew Someone had blunder'd: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 3. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of Hell Rode the six hundred. 4. Flash'd all their sabres bare, Flash'd as they turn'd in air, Sabring the gunners there, Charging an army, while All the world wonder'd: Plunged in the battery-smoke Right thro' the line they broke; Cossack and Russian Reel'd from the sabre stroke Shatter'd and sunder'd. Then they rode back, but not Not the six hundred. 5. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon behind them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, While horse and hero fell, They that had fought so well Came thro' the jaws of Death Back from the mouth of Hell, All that was left of them, Left of six hundred. 6. When can their glory fade? O the wild charge they made! All the world wondered. Honor the charge they made, Honor the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred. A good use of words and imagery. The words are used sparingly but are powerful leaving an impression on the reader. It demonstrates the futility of war when battles and young soldiers are placed in the hands of incompentent leaders. The sad thing is the men that die do not return to fight another day but the leaders in the war rooms at the back do.
Zingari Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 The charge of the light brigade always reminds me of the scandalous price increases in electricity sorry this is the only critique i can muster , dissecting poems seems gay to me
Trav Le Bleu Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 Just an idea. In another thread someone mentioned this poem so I thought that we could have a poem or an extract from a book and others could pass their opinions on it. Of course constructive critism would be preferred. Just saying 'it's crap is not enough. I am not very good at this myself TBH but I'll give it a go to try and give an idea of what's needed. The Charge of the Light Brigade Alfred, Lord Tennyson 1. Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. "Forward, the Light Brigade! "Charge for the guns!" he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 2. "Forward, the Light Brigade!" Was there a man dismay'd? Not tho' the soldier knew Someone had blunder'd: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 3. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of Hell Rode the six hundred. 4. Flash'd all their sabres bare, Flash'd as they turn'd in air, Sabring the gunners there, Charging an army, while All the world wonder'd: Plunged in the battery-smoke Right thro' the line they broke; Cossack and Russian Reel'd from the sabre stroke Shatter'd and sunder'd. Then they rode back, but not Not the six hundred. 5. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon behind them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, While horse and hero fell, They that had fought so well Came thro' the jaws of Death Back from the mouth of Hell, All that was left of them, Left of six hundred. 6. When can their glory fade? O the wild charge they made! All the world wondered. Honor the charge they made, Honor the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred. A good use of words and imagery. The words are used sparingly but are powerful leaving an impression on the reader. It demonstrates the futility of war when battles and young soldiers are placed in the hands of incompentent leaders. The sad thing is the men that die do not return to fight another day but the leaders in the war rooms at the back do. We did Tennyson for English Lit. but that was a VERY long time ago. The meter of the poem gives the feeling of a unstoppable gallop I feel and also the courage of these men. I would disagree with Nightguard that it demonstrates the futility of war, but rather glorifies sacrifice (even in vain) and is a bit of a propaganda piece. My own favourite poem is this: There was this thing that couldn't done; but he with a grin replied he wasn't one to say something couldn't be done; leastways, not till he'd tried so he buckled right in, with a trace of a grin; by gum he set right to it he tackled that thing that couldn't be done; and whatsmore he couldn't do it Spike Milligan I believe (and a take on a poem by Edgar Albert Guest which is longer, but more positive.) And finally, one of my own... Coventry Coventry It's not the place for you and me It's for people from Coventry You see
Zingari Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 describing the futity of war is much better done in song i cannot listen to this without getting a huge lump in my throat and a real tear in my eye
Trav Le Bleu Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 describing the futity of war is much better done in song i cannot listen to this without getting a huge lump in my throat and a real tear in my eye "Young willie" sorry
Zingari Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 Dulce et decorum est pro patre mori romanus eunt domus
Dr The Singh Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 beans beans good for your heart the more you eat the more you fart Thank You, thank you!!
David Guiza Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 Never really been into poetry too much but I did Come across this via Pete Doherty and I think it sums up the attitude of the majority of people in this country. I knew a simple soldier boy Who grinned at life in empty joy, Slept soundly through the lonesome dark, And whistled early with the lark. In winter trenches, cowed and glum, With crumps and lice and lack of rum, He put a bullet through his brain. No one spoke of him again. You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye Who cheer when soldier lads march by, Sneak home and pray you’ll never know The hell where youth and laughter go. Siegfried Sassoon 1917
Thracian Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 WAVE OF EMOTION ==================== Fifty thousand fans cheering, and stretching their scarves, Chanting their anthems and lifting their arms, In a Mexican wave of uninhibited joy Cos the new lad had scored, he was only a boy... That the boss saw by chance in a town centre park, A lightweight, bow-legged, who, just for a lark, Nutmegged three playmates, then without more ado, Smashed his shot on a post, broke the stanchion in two. Soon the game was all over, but not for our boss, Who ran to his car like a Grand National 'Oss And emerged with a pen and official, headed paper, "Sign by my crosses, we'll work details out later." And so it emerged that this slip of a lad, Raced home with his boots and declared to his dad, "City have signed me. I'm heading for fame," And the bandy-legged fella was never the same. With a disarming grin and a real touch of swagger, The kid began climbing from the foot of the ladder, And right from the start he gave not two hoots, For the prospect of cleaning some ageing stars boots. Cos "nipper" was sure that the world was his pearl, His freekicks were lethal, such power, such curl, Like boomerangs they bent. Most shuddered the sack, Though one spun so far that in hurtled right back! With skills so precocious he starred every game, Defenders had nightmares, some went insane, Subtle plans were devised to combat his threat, One team played two goalies.They'd need two more yet!. With 50 goal seasons, you could well understand. How "nipper" was soon picked to play for his land. And as more adulation was stacked on his plate, He started to bite off too much of the cake. As a spotty young kid, ne'er a pound to his name, He had lifelong school pals to make him stay sane, But with each extra nought on his pay-packet slip, Came more girls, and more grabbers all wanting a bit. And soon he discovered that when injured in play, There was always a "physio" on whose couch he could lay. But the massage hands eager to do him such good, Weren't always the ones being paid by his club. And often the "treatment" would last through the night, And the night after that, though he knew it weren't right. And soon he was finding, he'd miskick the ball, Cos his eyes wouldn't focus, wouldn't focus at all. And he found that the fans, who'd once been so kind, Were not much impressed by a "star" going blind, And the "Mexican wave" now said "farewell my old friend", As the last goal he scored, went in the wrong end. Copyright Thracian,. November 2004.
Zingari Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 William McGonagall has got a serious rival just joking
Zingari Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 ahem; The Grand Old Duke of Buckingham Stood on the bridge at Ruckingham Watching the stunts of the cvnts in the punts And the tricks of the pricks that were fooking 'em thank you can someone do a critique please ? i'm always willing to learn
Webbo Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 beans beans good for your heart the more you eat the more you fart the more you fart the better you feel so eat beans every meal. Thank You, thank you!! I've added the last 2 lines for you.
Webbo Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 The best poem ever written. IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Zingari Posted 8 August 2011 Posted 8 August 2011 Where's that from? webbos post is called "IF" by Kipling it is pretty good and not at all poncey, just as david guizas Sassoon poem is good too edit; when i say pretty good , i mean brilliant as i think it was voted the best poem of all time
FoxesAreBlue Posted 9 August 2011 Posted 9 August 2011 webbos post is called "IF" by Kipling it is pretty good and not at all poncey, just as david guizas Sassoon poem is good too edit; when i say pretty good , i mean brilliant as i think it was voted the best poem of all time Not read a poem since school, but it is a goodun!
Rincewind Posted 9 August 2011 Author Posted 9 August 2011 An extract from a book. Guess which one. "You see, the thing about football is that it is not about football. It is a most fascinating multidimensional philosphy, an extrusion, as it were, of what Doctor Maspinder premulgated in Das Meer von Unvermeidichkeit. Now, you would say to me, I am sure, he went on, What of the 4-4-2 or even the 4-1-2-1-2, yes? And my answer to that would be, there is only the one. Traditionally we say there are eleven players in the team, but that is because of our rather feeble perceptions. In truth, there is only the one and therefore I would say," he gave a little laugh, "daring to adapt a line from The Dream of Deception. it does not matter whether you win or lose so long as you score the most goals." The girl looked down at her notepad. "Could you give that to me a little bit more simply?" Oh, I''m sorry," said N---. " I thought I had."
FoxyPV Posted 9 August 2011 Posted 9 August 2011 romanus eunt domus It says "Romans go home". "No it doesn't."
Zingari Posted 9 August 2011 Posted 9 August 2011 It says "Romans go home". "No it doesn't." it says "people called romanus they go the house"
Zingari Posted 9 August 2011 Posted 9 August 2011 An extract from a book. Guess which one. "You see, the thing about football is that it is not about football. It is a most fascinating multidimensional philosphy, an extrusion, as it were, of what Doctor Maspinder premulgated in Das Meer von Unvermeidichkeit. Now, you would say to me, I am sure, he went on, What of the 4-4-2 or even the 4-1-2-1-2, yes? And my answer to that would be, there is only the one. Traditionally we say there are eleven players in the team, but that is because of our rather feeble perceptions. In truth, there is only the one and therefore I would say," he gave a little laugh, "daring to adapt a line from The Dream of Deception. it does not matter whether you win or lose so long as you score the most goals." The girl looked down at her notepad. "Could you give that to me a little bit more simply?" Oh, I''m sorry," said N---. " I thought I had." unseen academicals quote from where ? ...........................the fleas that tease in the high pyrenees
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