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BoneDog

The FT Jotter

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Guest Basildon Fox
Posted

Hopefully neither! Awful business.

Edit : Not being homophonic, what gays do in their own home is not of any concern to me. Specifically talking about any possible crimes against humanity in prison.

I hope he wasn't fitted up by the illuminati. :D

Posted

I hope he wasn't fitted up by the illuminati. :D

Nothing 'ard or controversial, just driving offences!

He's a 'normal' type and calls me a mentalist or just laughs if I ever mention any conspiracy.

Posted

Why does this make me think we should use uteruses as weapons?

No wonder women crap themselves during childbirth

Posted

Absolute loving Paolo Di Canio's knee skid celebrations in his suit. Cracking!

Awesome. I've seen people moaning that he is at Sunderland and also lauding the Milliband fella, but I'd rather have Di Canio at my club than one of the Millibands that's for sure. Di Canio will cause far less strife to others in his life than either of that pair the scheming shits.

Posted

Awesome. I've seen people moaning that he is at Sunderland and also lauding the Milliband fella, but I'd rather have Di Canio at my club than one of the Millibands that's for sure. Di Canio will cause far less strife to others in his life than either of that pair the scheming shits.

Indeed. You wouldn't catch one of those dweebs doing a knee skid - let alone whilst wearing a suit.

Posted

Probably the best thread to post this.

Do you ever just look out the window and just think 'fvck me this world is amazing'?

Yes quite often! Sometimes get my deck chair out at night and stare at the moon for about 90 minutes. Leads to amazing mind thoughts and all the great thinkers do this at least once a fortnight.

34et6kl.jpg

(nicked Masterfox's gif)

Posted

On East Midlands Today some bloke on some fields just said to some young kids, "Are you ready to start litter-picking?". They all screamed enthusiastically, "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS". Saves the council a fortune!

Subtle slavery at it's finest.

Posted

I was doing some babysitting for family friends last night to make a little extra cash. The boy I was looking after can be a bit of a brat sometimes and since he isn't the sharpest tool, but like many kids will throw out an answer to pretend they know what you're talking about, I often amuse myself by saying/doing things he won't understand, ie:

When it came time to turn off minecraft and make him have a shower then go to bed, he decided to stop being cooperative (because I'm no longer being 'cool' by playing videogames with him). I managed to get him as far as his room but then he just sat on his bed sulking and refusing to go have a shower. He was being a stubborn whatsit but I kept my cool and firmly made it clear to him that this behaviour wasn't going to win him any battles. Understanding that I wasn't going to just give up, go downstairs and leave him to play with one of the many handheld screens in the house (his iPod touch, mum's iPad, his own non-brand tablet and his portable DVD player - all of which he tried sneaking into his bed and which I had to take from him by force), he started pacing around the room, still refusing to do the simple act of having one of his 2-minute 'showers' (I'm not sure he even uses soap tbh).

Inexplicably he picks up a wire coat hanger and starts compressing it between his hands.

"What are you doing with that?" I ask, "are you going to have an abortion?"

"Yes" replied the stubborn little boy.

:giggle:

Posted

Talking of corner shops reminds me of this Bangladesh newcomer family in the early 90's at our local. They couldn't speak much English at the time but whenever we bought a 4 pack of lager the bloke would say 'Big party?' in a strong Bangladesh accent.

His Mrs must have been learning from watching him and I once bought a Creme Egg and a pint of milk and she goes 'Big Party?'. Needles to say I cracked up!

Edit : Thinking about it she might have been being clever and taking the piss, but at the time I was sure she'd just mixed up her English phrases.

Not my kind of party I'm afraid
Posted

I was doing some babysitting for family friends last night to make a little extra cash. The boy I was looking after can be a bit of a brat sometimes and since he isn't the sharpest tool, but like many kids will throw out an answer to pretend they know what you're talking about, I often amuse myself by saying/doing things he won't understand, ie:

When it came time to turn off minecraft and make him have a shower then go to bed, he decided to stop being cooperative (because I'm no longer being 'cool' by playing videogames with him). I managed to get him as far as his room but then he just sat on his bed sulking and refusing to go have a shower. He was being a stubborn whatsit but I kept my cool and firmly made it clear to him that this behaviour wasn't going to win him any battles. Understanding that I wasn't going to just give up, go downstairs and leave him to play with one of the many handheld screens in the house (his iPod touch, mum's iPad, his own non-brand tablet and his portable DVD player - all of which he tried sneaking into his bed and which I had to take from him by force), he started pacing around the room, still refusing to do the simple act of having one of his 2-minute 'showers' (I'm not sure he even uses soap tbh).

Inexplicably he picks up a wire coat hanger and starts compressing it between his hands.

"What are you doing with that?" I ask, "are you going to have an abortion?"

"Yes" replied the stubborn little boy.

:giggle:

Whao! You sure outsmarted him! You must feel goooooood about yourself tonight

Posted

Whao! You sure outsmarted him! You must feel goooooood about yourself tonight

Actually yes. Later on he came downstairs and asked me "what's an abortion?" "Come here I'll show you" I replied. A ten year old boy now thinks 'having an abortion' means anal.

Posted

Actually yes. Later on he came downstairs and asked me "what's an abortion?" "Come here I'll show you" I replied. A ten year old boy now thinks 'having an abortion' means anal.

lol
Posted

Seems like everyone is now on Candy Crush. I had a go on a mate phone and couldn't see the fuss, even though he was trying to get me "addicted". I couldn't be "addicted" to that. Shit game.

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