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DoctorWho

A few Leicester jokes

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I saw a bloke in Skegness the other day wearing a Forest shirt and one shoe.

 

I walked up to him and said, 'Excuse me mate, I think you've lost a shoe.'

 

He replied, 'No I haven't, I've found one.'

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Little Johnny was sitting in the classroom wearing a leicester city shirt and the teacher asked him " why are you wearing that football team shirt"

 

"Because my mum is a Leicester fan, and my dad is a Leicester fan, so I'm a Leicester fan too!" . 

 

"Well, " said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Leicester fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then? " 

 

Johnny smiled, and said "then obviously I'd be a Forest fan. "
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I've just seen a Nottingham version of Back to the Future. Unlike the original, Marty is unable to resist his mother and ends up shagging her.

 

Then he goes back in time.

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A Leicester Fan, And A Forest Fan Were All In Arabia , Sharing A Smuggled Crate Of Booze When, All Of A Sudden, Saudi Police Rushed In And Arrested Them. The Mere Possession Of Alcohol Is A Severe Offence In Saudi Arabia , So For The Terrible Crime Of Actually Being Caught Consuming The Booze, They Are All Sentenced To Death!

However, After Many Months And With The Help Of Very Good Lawyers, They Are Able To Successfully Appeal Their Sentences Down To Life Imprisonment. By A Stroke Of Luck, It Was A Saudi National Holiday The Day Their Trial Finished, And The Extremely Benevolent Sheikh Decided They Could Be Released After Receiving Just 20 Lashes Each Of The Whip.

As They Were Preparing For Their Punishment, The Sheikh Announced: “It’s My First Wife’s Birthday Today, And She Has Asked Me To Allow Each Of You One Wish Before Your Whipping.†The Forest Fan Was First In Line, He Thought For A While And Then Said: “Please Tie A Pillow To My Back.†This Was Done, But The Pillow Only Lasted 10 Lashes Before The Whip Went Through. When The Punishment Was Done He Had To Be Carried Away Bleeding And Crying With Pain. The Leicester Fan Was The Next Up, But Before He Could Say Anything,

The Sheikh Turned To Him And Said: “You Support One Of My favourite Clubs In The World And Your Team Is The Finest In The World. For This, You May Have Two Wishes!†“Thank You, Your Most Royal And Merciful Highnessâ€, He Replied. “In Recognition Of Your Kindness, My First Wish Is That You Give Me Not 20 Lashes But, 100 Lashes.†“Not Only Are You An Honorable, Handsome And Powerful Man, You Are Also Very Braveâ€. The Sheikh Said With An Admiring Look On His Face. “If 100 Lashes Is What You Desire, Then So Be It. And Your Second Wishâ€?

“Tie The Forest Fan To My Back.â€

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ode to a forest fan 

 

One evening last October, a Forest fan far from sober

Was dragging home his load with manly pride

His feet began to stutter and he fell down in the gutter

And a pig came up and laid down by his side

 

He sang , "It's fair weather when good friends get together"

Till a lady passing by was heard to say,

"You can tell the type that boozes by the company  he chooses"

The pig got up and shamefully walked away

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