lookwhaticando

Start him at Blackburn and sub him off at around the three minute mark - equal more or less to his goal contributions for us - so he can receive one final warm round of applause from the adoring fanbase.

Straight after the summer transfer window closes you mean.

Some of the locals here confuse the hell out of me when talking formations in the beer leagues I play in. They often count from front to back, and they have a terrible habit of not counting the keeper in the headline number - so when they say “7v7” they mean 8v8 because the keeper isn’t a real person with feelings I guess. Numpties. Anyway, in that vein I suggest we change things up and play a 1-3-2-4 formation at Blackburn.

I swear panto season comes around earlier every year.

One final game for the lads to ensure it’s their inability to play basic football that relegates us and not the financial rule breaking. C’mon lads, you can do it! You’ve done it all season, just one final push!

We’re still on course to relegate ourselves by being shit, not by being punished for breaking rules. Admirable stuff.

Souttar with an elbow and a goal. Player of the season sewn up.

Stream I’m watching there’s audible clapping alongside the booing when Winks is on the ball. Maybe the booing is being censored with applause on this stream with the dullards on comms.

Fatawu with a lovely little dinked pass to a striker. Just a shame it was Ivanovic.

Safety first from Souttar, just anywhere will do. What do you mean he was taking a free kick?

Good solid (official) attendance. Looks like 27k from here.

Souttar has just absolutely twatted that chaps nose right off his face. Is that the bit of fight we’ve been missing all season? Tune in next August to find out!

You have to admire the applause for Harry Winks. It’s quite funny to hear loud boos and excessively aggressive clapping for the same player - all from the same fans.

Have the away fans all swallowed a vuvuzela or something? Do they always sound like that?

The strange human obsession with gawping over a car crash when you drive by.

I guess he hasn’t been sacked yet then.

Has he followed up his words with any action yet, or is Rudkin still here?

HMS Piss Our Pants more like it.

Why not tonight? Season’s over, just go now.

Top’s agenda for tomorrow: 0900 Sack Rudkin 1000 Sack Rowett 1100 Sack Glover 1200 Spot of lunch 1300 Sack Hughes 1400 Round up the “senior pros” that are out of contract in June and tell them to **** off and never come back. Round up the other underperforming first teamers like Mavididi, Fatawu, etc and tell them to go away and think about what they’ve done and maybe we’ll talk in the summer. 1500 Round up the loanees and tell them their services are no longer required. 1600 Cuppa 1700 Get the U23s in for a meeting, tell them they’re playing Friday night and away at Blackburn with what’s left of the first team. If he can pull that off tomorrow; there’s hope. Otherwise, we’re ****ed.

Good news lads, Ayew and Hamza incoming shortly.

Three minutes to go and we’re half jogging up the pitch on the counter. ****ing shambles.

Patson Ramsey with a sublime half volley.

Play like we have the last five minutes and we’ll be alright this season.