I never felt better, meds never delivered a sense of normal. All of the ones I was first on made zero difference. Then the only change was one where I felt lobotomised, rendered unable to talk, and locked inside my head. They continued to change the pills and strengths but nothing ever got better - if anything they drove me deeper into bleakness. I stopped because a part of me knew that being effectively catatonic was never going to result in me being able to live a life again.
This period lasted 24 months and caused two further suicide attempts in the last six months. Coming to in hospital following a drink and drug cocktail, I knew I need a different approach.
Psych service refused to see me unless I went back on to my medication - I’m here now because I rejected both medication and the psychiatrist’s advice. They refused point blank to take on board my experience and thoughts. I had to develop my own approach to self care.