I'm struggling with things this time of year too.
The build up to Christmas means that the day itself always feels like a let down. Then the lull between Christmas and New Year and I realise all the things I've not done that should have and then January starts and work ramps up to being really busy. My job is very stressful but because of being high up, you can't let it show to the team and have to carry the weight around on your shoulders and fight on each day. Feels like it's crushing me and been awake most of the night feeling suffocated by it. No one that can really support or share the burden with as in reality, I'm putting all that pressure on myself because of who I am. Hate the feeling of letting people down.
My wife is really unhappy in her job and looking to change but nothing coming up so she's always miserable and not sleeping. Means shes then too tired to do anything at the weekend so they just get wasted.... Which makes me feel worse come Monday morning.
The kids are growing up too quickly and I'm beating myself up at the fact that they're spending so much time on their phone or playstation because I'm working or then too tired after work to find the energy to do anything other than walk the dog.
Time is just going so quickly and I can't switch off at all from my own head and negative thoughts. I was on some anti depressants last year but came off them (stupidly) because i forgot to get the next prescription, and was always "i'll sort it tomorrow if I have time". My own stupid fault as then felt ok without them and never did get more. I think I need to get back to trying then again though.
My biggest issue is that I know what the problem is. It's me and my own head. It's so negative and expects / fears the worst that it's sapped all feeling joy or excitement from me. Everything is geared up for disappointment. Genuinely can't remember the last time that I felt happy or content other than a few short sharp shots of joy like when Leicester score etc.
Probably a complete ramble above but felt like I just needed to blurt out stuff.